Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 304

You deserved it 9 101

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 880

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 095

You deserved it 7 096

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 582

You deserved it 3 486

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 792

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 435

You deserved it 46 510

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 623

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 880

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

zee209 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:10

Blame that on Twilight. That piece of shit book series ruins EVERYTHING. Sorry to hear that, BTW.

DiscountDJ25 0

Wednesday 28 July 2010 7:16

Tonights "Oh Shit!" moment was brought to you courtesy of sparkly vampires! ...And Wendy's.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Sunday 21 November 2010 8:38

what are you waiting for? bite that bitches neck!

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Saturday 18 July 2009 15:03

C'MON people there ARE some of us who still LOVE vampires, but hate that horrible "vampire" series known as Twifail- I mean "Twilight." Although I DON'T doubt this was Twilight-related...

Trevv 0

Friday 9 April 2010 23:09

******* twilight.... and they say girls are the only ones exploited by the media. granted, they get it worse, but still. anyone that leaves someone because they aren't a mythical creature of sex and violence is a total liability to society. you were way better off not getting with her. shed probably be screaming, "Oh, EDWARD!" the whole time anyway....

Weird_Gurl7504 0

Thursday 27 May 2010 7:10

Twilight lovers are NOT faggots. We simply like/love a series of books. Some of the Twilight lovers just like it more than others. I personaly would never do anything like it but others are willing to. Also, She did say "I wish you were a vampire" but that doesn't mean she was talking about Edward Cullen or even Twilight. She could have been talking about other things such as The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, etc. etc. Just shut up and live with the fact that not everyone likes what YOU like. OP, I'm sorry but that's hilarious. Tee hee. - waits for people to start ranting about comment -

KianaJeneth 0

Saturday 26 June 2010 8:01

haha ur right #627 I totally agree with rverything u said

DishHeads 9

Monday 19 July 2010 12:57

twilight ??? more like toilet

stopreadingmynam 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 15:36

lol

joshhk2012 0

Thursday 28 October 2010 2:19

ha twatlight

livcashtea 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:13

Haha sorry, but that is hilarious! Love it!

AsianPanda99 3

Sunday 6 November 2011 13:23

you're fault for not being a vampire. lmfao

Cerataphora 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:13

Don't sweat it, she's clearly a freak

lifesagamble 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:13

#1, I agree. It's like, everybody feels that they could find there own "Edward". :| Me too. I'm sorry about that. :(

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

Yourheadache 19

Wednesday 25 January 2012 2:33

I agree,but I would like a jacob to go please, I like it rough ;)

biancagolden 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

******* Twilight has ruined the last of my teenage years.

EmmaMarieCullen 0

Sunday 4 April 2010 20:24

why does everyone say it's all Edwards fault I know that this FML is about vampires but people posted about just Edward in other twilight related FMLs and I don't have a friend one that's on team Edward all team Jacob and there is more than one vampire in twilight not just Edward could be alice or laurent emmet Jasper James carlisle esme Victoria the volturi