By jesifairy - Australia Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML I agree, your life sucks 25500 You deserved it 7145 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share jesifairy tells us more : :-D
By minissaussette - France - Cergy Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 22448 You deserved it 1647 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By potassiumgirl - United States - Hollywood Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML I agree, your life sucks 11985 You deserved it 38647 322 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Tucson Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML I agree, your life sucks 26168 You deserved it 7618 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Carmichael Smelly Finger Nights Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML I agree, your life sucks 567 You deserved it 971 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Switzerland Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML I agree, your life sucks 10834 You deserved it 1133 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GladYoureConcerned - United States - Glendale Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML I agree, your life sucks 33520 You deserved it 4228 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stillsingleladies - United States Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML I agree, your life sucks 73413 You deserved it 5843 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notcheating Not a cheating! Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. I agree, your life sucks 3973 You deserved it 446 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 39522 You deserved it 5773 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TooYoungForThis - Canada Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML I agree, your life sucks 45069 You deserved it 4953 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML I agree, your life sucks 38449 You deserved it 5075 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohwell - United States - Arlington Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML I agree, your life sucks 14364 You deserved it 1267 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML I agree, your life sucks 18773 You deserved it 54471 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh, shit...... - Denmark - Bagsv?rd Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML I agree, your life sucks 21303 You deserved it 1960 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Duplighost - United States Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 24709 You deserved it 39921 370 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I told my students that I would be taking a few weeks off because a member of my family is very ill. They all cheered. FML I agree, your life sucks 30405 You deserved it 9650 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sickyandiknowit - United States - Eugene Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML I agree, your life sucks 35014 You deserved it 4830 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Cool Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML I agree, your life sucks 1294 You deserved it 357 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML I agree, your life sucks 36925 You deserved it 5656 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML I agree, your life sucks 86485 You deserved it 9289 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I am starting a new job. Only problem is, I haven't been told what my duties are, who my line manager is or who to ask if I need help. FML I agree, your life sucks 9665 You deserved it 906 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lichelle - United States Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 17075 You deserved it 72518 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Midlothian Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML I agree, your life sucks 51698 You deserved it 5310 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML I agree, your life sucks 28457 You deserved it 3508 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML I agree, your life sucks 35486 You deserved it 2871 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I hate retail - United States - Phoenix Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML I agree, your life sucks 10962 You deserved it 751 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ashley - United States Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML I agree, your life sucks 50158 You deserved it 28517 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 27362 You deserved it 6186 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HereWeGoAgain - United States Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 38844 You deserved it 3059 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By adderallgirl - United States Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML I agree, your life sucks 68822 You deserved it 5309 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BRELLA - United States The wrong kind of banging Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML I agree, your life sucks 50942 You deserved it 3920 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rrae Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML I agree, your life sucks 2119 You deserved it 219 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LunaCrow - United States - Shakopee Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML I agree, your life sucks 32367 You deserved it 3108 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ms. Piggy - United States - Clarksville Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML I agree, your life sucks 48896 You deserved it 7453 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Redmond Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 23300 You deserved it 4049 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Sounds reasonable Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 190 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kayt240 - Canada Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 47188 You deserved it 8066 301 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 12711 You deserved it 1480 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SimG - Canada - Cambridge Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 71991 You deserved it 24102 244 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Etrius - United States - La Grande Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML I agree, your life sucks 42231 You deserved it 7141 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Reply crazycatlady5 | 6 #4298818 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:25 This is so romantic. Send a private message 27 0 Reply
Reply Pandacupcakelove | 26 #4299460 - Friday 13 April 2012 14:34 Duh? Who wouldn't! X) Send a private message 1 4 Reply
Reply therealslim | 15 #4299542 - Friday 13 April 2012 15:05 If he was trying to be romantic, this was a kinda weird thing to say.. Send a private message 6 0 Reply
Reply ArcadePie | 10 #4299724 - Friday 13 April 2012 16:18 Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? ...The wheelchair Send a private message 25 0 Reply
Reply Forlorn420 | 9 #4300140 - Friday 13 April 2012 17:59 Well you do sound quite delicious.. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply TheFakeFamilyGuy | 9 #4301307 - Friday 13 April 2012 22:47 I still love you. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply JocelynKaulitz | 28 #4301544 - Saturday 14 April 2012 0:07 Wtf kind of conversation is that? Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Reply LightningCactus | 12 #4298814 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:24 If you're into that kind of thing. Send a private message 6 1 Reply
Reply micahsmommy | 13 #4299467 - Friday 13 April 2012 14:36 Mmmm, fish and chips. Sounds yummy and kinky if he's the chips... Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply tygerarmy | 35 #4299942 - Friday 13 April 2012 17:04 Very kinky. She wants you inside of her. Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By iloveursister | 4 #4298750 - Friday 13 April 2012 11:52 she has a good theory Send a private message 6 22 Reply
Reply braheem | 5 #4300976 - Friday 13 April 2012 21:06 hahahahaha i loved the FML action!! comment buried!! haahahah Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply FMLsAreAwesome | 0 #4301450 - Friday 13 April 2012 23:36 What? Send a private message 2 1 Reply
Reply LMA0 | 5 #4303116 - Saturday 14 April 2012 7:45 111 you should have just put an arrow sideways ( < ) pointing at your profile pic:p Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By Ruffclue | 9 #4298754 - Friday 13 April 2012 11:53 Tell her to add salt and pepper as well. Send a private message 26 17 Reply
Reply qwaszxwesdxc | 0 #4412182 - Wednesday 9 May 2012 16:49 Dont push it Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By icallbullshit | 3 #4298755 - Friday 13 April 2012 11:53 Do vegetables have sexual desires? Send a private message 11 13 Reply
Reply x_Just_Ellie_x | 8 #4298828 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:33 You're an idiot. Send a private message 3 18 Reply
Reply geko911 | 22 #4300203 - Friday 13 April 2012 18:15 A previous OP would say that zucchinis do... Send a private message 4 0 Reply
Reply brittanyayy | 8 #4300839 - Friday 13 April 2012 20:29 Cucumbers have wicked souls Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply Bunnynapper47 | 6 #4302278 - Saturday 14 April 2012 5:02 Why you here papaya nobody likes you. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Reply CyberPunkTink | 0 #4302742 - Saturday 14 April 2012 6:13 Yes, yes they do. They're the most kinky, sexual produce. Even meat can't keep up with the wild vegetable. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply ThermiteKitten | 8 #4328992 - Friday 20 April 2012 2:07 Yes, but pineapples are much hornier than cucumbers. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By BlackBlazeCobra | 16 #4298762 - Friday 13 April 2012 11:55 At least she thinks you're tasty? Send a private message 50 5 Reply
Reply HeartOfLead | 24 #4302803 - Saturday 14 April 2012 6:27 Well at least she's creative, that is to be treasured. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By ladyLALAA | 28 #4298763 - Friday 13 April 2012 11:55 Mm, potatoes, I want you in and around my mouth. Send a private message 64 4 Reply
Reply winoahh | 10 #4299626 - Friday 13 April 2012 15:46 followingtheyellowbrickroad - I started smiling like an idiot when I read that. Send a private message 2 2 Reply
Reply thejewishfuhrer | 17 #4300696 - Friday 13 April 2012 19:48 GET IN MY BELLY!!!!!! Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply born_hustla | 26 #4304075 - Saturday 14 April 2012 15:10 That's what she said Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Goatinsfriend | 8 #4298772 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:00 Can't let a potato go to waste! Send a private message 21 1 Reply
By LoveMay | 10 #4298775 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:01 Ah… young love Send a private message 20 1 Reply
Reply buck33 | 14 #4299648 - Friday 13 April 2012 15:57 I read this in the spongebob narrater voice. Send a private message 12 0 Reply
Reply ss_20_xx | 14 #4300815 - Friday 13 April 2012 20:22 I actually LOL-ed at this FML. Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By emmagillespie24 | 11 #4298780 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:03 Did you mean a literal vegetable or, like, if she was in a coma? Send a private message 4 22 Reply
Reply KiddNYC1O | 20 #4298830 - Friday 13 April 2012 12:33 Like a vegetative state... Send a private message 15 1 Reply
Reply FMLsAreAwesome | 0 #4301458 - Friday 13 April 2012 23:38 -_- Smh. Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 171 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 160 11 Comments