ALL FML

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

agreeclassic 16 671

vote type 1 40 154

By soakedga - 08/04/2013 16:56 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

agreeclassic 36 633

vote type 1 4 285

soakedga app_comment_confession_title

soakedga 3

Wednesday 10 April 2013 21:02

OP here- yeah I did wrap up in a sheet. No extra uniforms that I could get to- they were all locked in the GM's office. And I'm a woman small enough to be pulled into the pool by a cleaning robot. Oh- there was a camera that I managed to avoid for the most part, but my boss did get a kick out of seeing me trying not to let the sheet fall while I shoved my clothes in the dryer.

By save the koalas? uhh - 08/04/2013 14:08 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

agreeclassic 35 650

vote type 1 3 514

Business casual

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 08:30

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

agreeclassic 34 280

vote type 1 5 598

By chinatownhobo - 08/04/2013 06:12 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

agreeclassic 52 492

vote type 1 3 639

Bathroom police

By badparent - 08/04/2013 04:26 - Australia - Southport

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

agreeclassic 47 092

vote type 1 6 959

Quick Stop

By poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

agreeclassic 40 391

vote type 1 8 739

By JacktheRussian - 08/04/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 22 966

vote type 1 42 466

By maturity - 08/04/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

agreeclassic 16 992

vote type 1 64 291

By idontevenlikehamsters - 08/04/2013 00:00 - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

agreeclassic 36 001

vote type 1 2 467

By moosy0_o - 07/04/2013 19:22 - Netherlands - Berlicum

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

agreeclassic 42 064

vote type 1 8 488

moosy0_o app_comment_confession_title

moosy0_o 15

Monday 8 April 2013 9:31

OP here. A few comments: the cashier was a guy, not a girl. I don't know why most of you think that. Also, there were two elderly people waiting in line who were laughing and berating me as some of the commenters here are doing. And I'm a woman from Belgium, not the Netherlands (but FML didn't ask for my country when I posted it). I WAS already out of the store and going home when I noticed it, so I needed to go back into the store, wait for a slow customer to pay while the rest of the cue was wondering why I was standing there like a complete idiot, and then explain to the cashier why I wanted to pay for the bread. By the way, the freshly baked, honestly-payed-for, Italian bun was delicious, after I had cleansed my palate from the disgusting comments I received.

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

agreeclassic 33 636

vote type 1 5 890

By unknown - 07/04/2013 17:01 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

agreeclassic 38 030

vote type 1 2 892

By confused - 07/04/2013 14:51 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

agreeclassic 40 688

vote type 1 5 339

By kimhinesvoinea - 07/04/2013 12:07 - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

agreeclassic 16 433

vote type 1 43 682

By ladylarni - 07/04/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

agreeclassic 96 071

vote type 1 4 876

By unknown - 07/04/2013 04:26 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

agreeclassic 49 810

vote type 1 5 328

By Anonymous - 07/04/2013 04:07 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 51 257

vote type 1 3 290

By ziggers10 - 07/04/2013 03:19 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

agreeclassic 53 070

vote type 1 9 919

By Anonymous - 06/04/2013 21:39 - United States - Arcata

Today, I interviewed three elderly residents at a nursing home, hoping to use the transcript for a very important paper due next week. It went great, so I wrapped up and drove home. I sat down to start typing, and realized that my recording had stopped ten minutes in. FML

agreeclassic 36 019

vote type 1 6 103

Good question

By yeah why not - 06/04/2013 17:06 - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

agreeclassic 34 867

vote type 1 3 006

Eternity

By Anonymous - 06/04/2013 16:17 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

agreeclassic 45 789

vote type 1 3 632

By Evalynne - 06/04/2013 12:55 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

agreeclassic 44 842

vote type 1 21 875

By confusedcatlover - 06/04/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

agreeclassic 57 294

vote type 1 6 224

By aaaaahhhh - 06/04/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

agreeclassic 42 863

vote type 1 7 544

By Kotoko - 06/04/2013 04:59 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

agreeclassic 29 274

vote type 1 17 109

Kotoko_fml app_comment_confession_title

Kotoko_fml 7

Saturday 6 April 2013 18:38

LOL These comments are all hilarious. xD Yeah, I admit, I probably DID deserve it =P Lotto tickets are a money drainage.. =/ Course, you win a few times.. here and there, you get addicted thinking "OK! I am going to win this time!" Yeah.. I really need to stop buying them all the time. It's pathetic how much money I've wasted.. =/ I vote YDI for myself, lol.

By easteryegg - 06/04/2013 00:13 - United States - Rensselaer

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

agreeclassic 50 697

vote type 1 8 606

easteryegg app_comment_confession_title

easteryegg 8

Saturday 6 April 2013 20:46

Op, here. I'm fifteen years old and am absolutely not a pedo. I am a boy and thought that I was doing something good for the girl. All of the comments about healthy eating habits are not true, the woman was buying a lot of candy, but wouldn't let the girl have the rabbit. Idk why, she reminded me of my little cousin and I decided to buy it for her. The mother did keep the rabbit, though, so I don't know why she lashed out at me :/

By pot, meet kettle - 05/04/2013 23:21 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was chatting online with a guy I really like, when he used the word "irregardless." I couldn't help but mention how little sense it makes, since it's a combination of two words meaning roughly the same thing. He replied, "lol what? your stupid." Jesus Christ. FML

agreeclassic 35 984

vote type 1 9 818