Miscellaneous: Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of...

By Elisa_LmR - 03/01/2014 23:28 - France

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 478

You deserved it 8 605

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Dementia or hate? You decide

Great family you've got there

By Anonymous - 30/01/2019 00:00

Today, the little bell in my car that lets you know your keys are still in your ignition went out. How did I find out? I locked myself out of both my house and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 550

By MrsGrinch - 07/12/2018 14:00

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 238

By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 264

By AprilFlowers - 01/12/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 082

You deserved it 7 363

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 752

You deserved it 7 434

Go vegan

By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 67

By cdoyle - 08/04/2009 12:32 - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 475

You deserved it 110 429

By firedlol - 02/08/2018 19:00

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 934

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 360

You deserved it 9 828

Don't follow by example

By scooterbyrd - 31/08/2020 02:01

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 112

They'll hear you coming

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 156

By Hatemyjobbb - 01/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 391

By Thankshun - 04/03/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 336

You deserved it 6 602

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 232

You deserved it 4 344

By "doyouwantmedead" - 21/08/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 262

You deserved it 209

By S4L - 02/07/2009 04:13 - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 734

You deserved it 23 346

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 670

You deserved it 6 395

By The horror... - 11/11/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 3 148

By overpriced coffee shop worker - 17/11/2012 18:35 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 053

You deserved it 2 282

By ohmygoodness - 02/03/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 273

You deserved it 17 198

By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/04/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 3 097

By have it your way - 29/04/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 016

You deserved it 5 053

By goner - 01/05/2012 04:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 176

You deserved it 21 504

By lonely - 12/04/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 7 725

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 358

You deserved it 9 137

No soup for you

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Janesville

Today, I filled a bag full of Beer Cheese soup. Set it on the passenger seat to take home. Got home to realize the bag was leaking. The passenger seat and floor are covered in soup. My car is new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 1 114

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 04:35 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 101

You deserved it 5 877

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 177

You deserved it 16 535

By Smooth - 11/04/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 335

You deserved it 112 148

By UUUGHHH - 05/02/2016 20:33 - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 084

You deserved it 2 694

By WTF - 27/09/2015 07:57 - Poland - Wroclaw

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 1 536

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 70 028

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 669

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 916

You deserved it 3 795

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 337

By slavelaborsux - 29/08/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 657

You deserved it 3 874

By vsf - 02/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 967

You deserved it 6 550

By ThanksMum - 14/02/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 513

You deserved it 2 775

By rog3rli - 13/11/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 967

You deserved it 12 668

By Anonymous - 27/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 534

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Top comments

rockne93 17

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:25

Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?

WFFLPWND 10

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:25

You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)

rockne93 17

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:25

Orange you glad you aren't afraid of bananas, guys?

FangirlingAlways 14

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:29

Strange phobia. I'm guessing that it is from a childhood experience.

DoctorRoche 11

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:31

Orange you glad we didn't thumbs down that bad pun?

garrett1999o3 16

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:33

#13 I can imagine that in my head right now. OP: Steve! Stop feeding me your banana!

rockne93 17

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:39

#18 Calm down there buddy. If you want to talk shit, go to the toilet store.

DoctorRoche 11

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:48

Rocknee you mad bro?

Awesome58422599 19

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:08

It would suck if your boyfriend had a curved dick.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:33

Where's you get these puns the toilet store?

Fermion 20

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:58

Well he isn't alone! Pythagoras had a fear of beans AND lived in Greece. Could you imagine how rough that would be for him? Everyone has a phobia strange or not.

stewpididiot 11

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Saturday 4 January 2014 8:52

At first I thought it said 'wanking bananas' !!!

Sinistra_Blue 12

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Saturday 4 January 2014 18:30

Pythagoras had a fear of beans? I thought he was just afraid of theorems. *Ba dum tis*

Goldenchest 14

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Sunday 5 January 2014 0:27

Am I the only one who got 49's reference?

mrhe3t 9

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Sunday 5 January 2014 13:30

Nope, and it's actually kind of funny but hey, he was being a dick.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:24

God forbid your bf uses a banana flavored condom on his curved member...

WFFLPWND 10

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:25

You must peel very bad... (I'm so sorry I have to)

\ 28

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:36

Banana Terracotta Pie, anyone?

Enslaved 36

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:19

What did the banana say to the vibrator? "Why are you shaking? It's me she's going to eat."

\ 28

Saturday 4 January 2014 7:24

I assume not many here got the System of a Down reference...

clemsi 20

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Saturday 4 January 2014 8:31

I did. ...and now I can't get the song out of my head

Ambient25 24

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Saturday 4 January 2014 10:25

this shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Saturday 4 January 2014 10:59

Make like a banana and split.

kaitlynjane 28

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Sunday 5 January 2014 5:04

A System of a Down reference down voted.. And a shitty pop song reference gets up voted? Yep. The world has officially gone to shit.

squideth 18

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Monday 6 January 2014 8:41

138 shut up you pretentious fuck.

SonOfAMitch 14

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:25

Going bananas, eh OP?

zandalee 19

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:58

Take revenge! Make a massive banana smoothie and make evil giggles while slurping it down.

stephhrunsaway 21

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Saturday 4 January 2014 8:53

That hilarious moment when my sis almost chokes to death on her peanut butter and banana sandwich after I read her this FML.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Saturday 4 January 2014 18:08

Wasn't this on an episode of courage the cowardly dog?

mcr2000 11

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:26

like that episode of zack and cody

nickn426 14

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Saturday 4 January 2014 16:43

There was a show I watched as a toddler "Bananas in Pajamas" That was some freaky shit man.

kmccain 27

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Saturday 4 January 2014 21:45

#4 that's exactly what I thought of reading this.

Eternal94 10

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Sunday 5 January 2014 2:25

Is that the tv show about two bananas that name banana A and banana B ?

applebramble 22

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Sunday 5 January 2014 18:16

I can't believe no one has mentioned the minions! ):

DoctorRoche 11

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:26

This isn't a phobia at all.. Bananas are fucking terrifying.

CobraLazerFace 21

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:10

Brazilian gangs in a nutshell. They be ghetto blasting the Chiquita Banana jingle all over the favellas.

Zelphoric 25

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Saturday 4 January 2014 8:11

Bananas are okay... I fear banana slicers much more o_o

Helpfulman 17

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Saturday 4 January 2014 19:30

Dat peel tho.

nick3600 22

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Monday 6 January 2014 20:57

A banana molested me :(

TyT63 12

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:26

you came to the wrong bananahood mother fucker

garrett1999o3 16

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:28

Your joke is bad and you should feel bad!

emirie 21

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Saturday 4 January 2014 6:54

I thought it was brilliant.

ViktoriaaKills 13

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:27

You must have loved Bananas in Pajamas.

HelloooooNurse 20

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Saturday 4 January 2014 17:38

Now that damn song is in my head :(

duhhspammerx3 16

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:27

I guess you could say OP was going bananas ;)

SonOfAMitch 14

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:32

Thank god no one has made that joke on this thread. Oh, wait..

duhhspammerx3 16

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:34

Damn. Thought I'd get to that joke before anyone else. Better luck next time, I guess!

GGregoire 16

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:27

Don't feel bad, I still have nightmares of bananas in pajamas

slappygecko 21

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Saturday 4 January 2014 7:06

Pizza pizza momizza, bananafanaboCANNIBALISM

Sports_guy3 28

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Saturday 4 January 2014 7:17

What the hell?! Stop drinking. Now.

XxCrimsonxX 2

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:28

I will find you. And I will force you to eat a banana

dovahconn 12

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Saturday 4 January 2014 9:57

you are truly evil

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 44

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 83

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 33

Go vegan

Don't follow by example

They'll hear you coming

No soup for you

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