All the FMLs

By No money, mo' problems - 18/06/2013 22:01 - United States

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 230

You deserved it 9 676

By skunked - 18/06/2013 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was visiting my childhood home, and I checked out my old treehouse. A family of skunks had made it their home, and I was promptly sprayed upon entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 414

You deserved it 7 081

By kittykittyrun - 18/06/2013 16:28 - Canada - Truro

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 47 205

kittykittyrun tells us more.

kittykittyrun 29

Wednesday 19 June 2013 0:45

I always cut my own bangs and they always look good, this time I just tried something new and watched a YouTube video and the girls hair looked amazing, but I just wasn't paying attention to how much I pulled forward, which I usually do, and ended up cutting off more than I should have. I don't regret doing it. Hair grows back and I'm not too worried.

By Well, crap - 18/06/2013 15:02 - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 365

You deserved it 22 347

It's the thought that counts

By Not a day over 35 - 18/06/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 710

You deserved it 5 837

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 082

You deserved it 4 084

By evilmuffinlord - 18/06/2013 06:34 - United States - Houston

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 403

You deserved it 3 984

evilmuffinlord tells us more.

evilmuffinlord 14

Tuesday 18 June 2013 17:52

hello! OP here. Originally, I was very upset, I hadn't been home when it happened and when I came back I found out. I have since talked to my parents, and found out my mom was the one who did it, but she put the extra money back into my bank account. I do live with my parents until I go off to college. The Ipad was an overzealous purchase, and after messing with the tablet its not so bad. As for my brother, my dad sat him down and talked to him about how it was wrong to do that and he needs to earn stuff, etc etc etc. And his tablet will be returned. So I guess in a sense everything is ok now. xD I wasnt expecting to have this accepted, I didn't even have an account till this morning.

By imarriedanaxemurderer - 18/06/2013 05:01 - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 607

You deserved it 4 629

Avoidance issues

By ProAwkward - 18/06/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 813

You deserved it 5 863

By awk1 - 18/06/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 234

You deserved it 47 274

Let me speak to the manager

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 00:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee." I'm the only woman working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 139

You deserved it 2 784

By young grandpa - 17/06/2013 22:49 - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 154

You deserved it 40 879

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 776

You deserved it 7 004

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 17:52 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 307

You deserved it 3 321

Gassy in 4/4

By nomwar - 17/06/2013 13:55 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy, so I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know, the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off, all eyes turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 142

You deserved it 14 906

By newyorkers - 17/06/2013 12:46 - United States - New York

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 967

You deserved it 5 681

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 05:54 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 381

You deserved it 11 281

Gullible

By Idontbelieveinmagic - 17/06/2013 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 518

You deserved it 5 430

By cherbear1000 - 17/06/2013 04:33 - United States - Nottingham

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 847

You deserved it 5 735

Patterned

By jhughes1997 - 17/06/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 915

You deserved it 12 512

By Married2handsome - 16/06/2013 23:58 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 133

You deserved it 3 555

Married2handsome tells us more.

Married2handsome 13

Monday 17 June 2013 18:45

Yes, he's a cool dad! No, it was certainly NOT on purpose. :) Although she says it hurt, she too thought it funny and requested I place it as a FB status and FML!

By kiss98367 - 16/06/2013 23:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively. His reasoning? He didn't want to date a "cheap and dangerous woman." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 078

You deserved it 5 216

kiss98367 tells us more.

kiss98367 9

Monday 17 June 2013 17:32

Haha, thanks for the support everyone. To add to my FML story, my ex knew by our third date that I go shooting. I found out from our mutual friend that he didn't think I was "cheap and dangerous" until his ex before me (at a party where I was unable to attend) started talking trash when she overheard him telling a couple of buddies that I shoot targets and reload my own shells. I'm 22, I have a full time job, and I have my own 2 bd apartment and a truck payment (among other bills). If I can save a little money, I will. Traveling for competitions and entry fees can get expensive. The thing that makes me laugh is his ex is my age, works about 15 hours a week, and has all her bills paid by her parents (she doesn't go to school or anything either). She uses the cash she earns to buy expensive clothing and what not (which according to her, I could "never afford"). Sorry I have different priorities in my life? Lol. As an update, two of my ex's friends (and yes, this includes his best friend) have asked me out since our breakup. My ex also sent a txt to me this morning saying that he messed up. I guess his friends talked some sense in to him. It's too late though. Goes to show that you probably shouldn't take advice from a jealous ex girlfriend. Just saying.