Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML
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Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, after I moved into my new 1930's house, my elderly rescue dog raised her hackles and stared at the wall behind my bed for two full minutes. I thought she might have recognized something from her old job. She's a retired cadaver dog. I guess I'm never sleeping, again. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
Pauschinator 22
What was your theory?
Fermion 20
Possibly that the dog was peeing on the rug and stealing socks at 2 in the morning?
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Comments (62)
gabe222 25
Smart dog knows you did something wrong
Ambient25 24
Dog probably saw OP on the toilet and was like "WTF are you doing?! I drink from there! Fine, I'll make sure you step in mine barefoot."
TourettesGuyFTW 25
But....where the heck are all the stolen socks? Maybe she's sewing them all together and making you a nice scarf.
Fermion 20
28 lots of dogs like to eat socks. Although it's a possibility he's stashing the socks away for knitting a new rug since it hates the other one so much.
Lilxpie 18
#31 - my nonna's dog who is about 2 years old (human years) loves socks and sometimes toes.
AshleyScruggs 14
My mom's dogs love socks and underwear.
Pauschinator 22
What was your theory?
Fermion 20
Possibly that the dog was peeing on the rug and stealing socks at 2 in the morning?
WinkleBottom 13
Sounds like a pissed off dog.
tomwantssnow 14
Nah, they could just be mischievous like my dogs. The shi tzu will run into the laundry room and grab underwear and socks then leave them throughout the house, but he's still an adorable little guy!
Aspireworks 12
If you look up, 30, you can still see that joke flying overhead
crapmaster3000 19
Woosh!!
Claw_Quake 9
*Badum Tish*
minna97 14
I do that too sometimes. Sorry not sorry. I just like to pee on rugs and steal socks. My secret addiction.
Ambient25 24
And the dog is thinking "I ******* knew it!"
Xotoolyxo 16
You and OPs dog need help :x
StompinOnCrayons 15
That sounds like a bitchy thing to do
beckiebear 15
Dogs seek vengeance sometimes. My Yorkie puked on my phone once. Do you pay him enough attention?
lauratorresarig 8
What do you think that dog would say if he could talk? He was definitely trying to deliver a message
NoMore_CoolNames 14
"Deal with it bitch"
Edumcg 24
"I'm freezing! at least let me have your socks"
fooltemptress 36
This theory was what exactly? That it was your dog doing these things as opposed to a ghost or someone breaking into your house just to piss on your rug and steal your socks?
beckiebear 15
I thought maybe her theory was that her dog hates her.
greeneyebeauty9 28
I think your dog is trying to send you a message. Time to call in... the dog whisperer..
Paradoxxxx 16
at least it was the dog and not someone else :p
khaoticpanda 28
Fml: Today my fiance looked me in the eyes, peed on the rug, and stole my socks before disapearing upstairs.
Ambient25 24
Insensitive joke: Fiancé: "you silly woman, there is no rug in the kitchen".
khaoticpanda 28
Which of the above was your theory?