Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to...

By SabriLittleRed - 1/1/2014 18:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40297

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

SabriLittleRed tells us more :

Heyy guys, I'm the OP, & no, I didn't do anything to her first. The bear was a gift from her bf. I thought she was joking at first, & was kinda surprised & hurt she actually made me sit in the back. I enjoyed all your puns; they were ”beary” funny, lol. Happy New Years Everyone!! :D

Kids

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

They're everywhere

Recycling helps

By notagoodtime - 6/2/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27774

You deserved it

5070

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15606

You deserved it

36578

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Not funny anymore

Today at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s that had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1177

You deserved it

1726

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2015 04:31 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21989

You deserved it

3577

Favorite

By Anza - 29/6/2011 06:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9134

You deserved it

59222

Favorite

By BuspassBob - 10/9/2012 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20973

You deserved it

6598

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59603

You deserved it

4457

Favorite

By bigmouth - 14/3/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15827

You deserved it

67698

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23841

You deserved it

1479

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26288

You deserved it

2373

Favorite

By Lucy - 21/7/2012 07:40 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31420

You deserved it

5382

Favorite

By crazycat - 13/5/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33514

You deserved it

5804

Favorite

By whoops - 3/10/2020 05:06

Trans women are women

Today, my son brought his new girlfriend home. I took him aside and hugged him, reassuring him that I loved and accepted him no matter his sexual preference. He looked at me confused and asked what I meant. His girl was obviously trans, but he had no idea. I didn’t know he didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1609

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By shadowmuppet - 31/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4563

You deserved it

542

Favorite

By anonymous - 22/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32691

You deserved it

6848

Favorite

By Loot - 17/2/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36869

You deserved it

6027

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend. Things got a little hot and I started to pull up my shirt. She screamed and told me to stop because the innocence of her stuffed animals was at stake. We are 18, and she was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27431

You deserved it

4071

Favorite

By CASH_NoMOMEY - 7/5/2015 05:12 - United States - Windsor

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30479

You deserved it

5569

Favorite

By TheIrony - 19/7/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14066

You deserved it

3452

Favorite

By Lissa - 10/9/2019 20:00

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1577

You deserved it

474

Favorite

By gottacatchemall - 8/1/2014 05:43 - United States

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66662

You deserved it

28901

Favorite

By lulabell - 19/5/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16211

You deserved it

43748

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67591

You deserved it

5092

Favorite

By Jessica - 19/10/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25038

You deserved it

2129

Favorite

By AlwaysGottaFML - 20/8/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67401

You deserved it

3943

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Desks are so judgmental these days!

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1056

You deserved it

565

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27084

You deserved it

2191

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/7/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54476

You deserved it

3385

Favorite

By KeepOnTruckin' - 18/5/2019 17:50

Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

515

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 01:28 - United States - Marietta

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51214

You deserved it

3397

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 02:38

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6600

You deserved it

860

Favorite

By Tired - 19/9/2020 02:02 - United Stated

Blowin' in the wind

Today, for the third night in a row, I didn't get any sleep, because my neighbor's new dog won't stop barking when the wind blows. Where I live, we get major wind gusts most days of the week. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1020

You deserved it

Favorite

By - 17/11/2008 08:53 - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26496

You deserved it

8254

Favorite

By Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - 31/3/2013 04:34 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55539

You deserved it

4044

Favorite

By MSURebel70 - 16/7/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40823

You deserved it

3338

Favorite

By time to put you down, gran - 1/12/2012 22:53 - United States

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27748

You deserved it

4675

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25274

You deserved it

3779

Favorite

By ifpigsflew - 4/10/2010 23:31 - New Zealand

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29080

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By propose_you_freakin_coward - 27/9/2013 12:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47339

You deserved it

6721

Favorite

By mikay1413 - 8/10/2019 20:00

Gullible's travels

Today, my step-sister asked me what an organ donor was. I told her it's someone who delivers pianos. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1208

You deserved it

371

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SabriLittleRed | 25

#5813690 - Thursday 2 January 2014 6:46

Heyy guys, I'm the OP, & no, I didn't do anything to her first.
The bear was a gift from her bf.
I thought she was joking at first, & was kinda surprised & hurt she actually made me sit in the back. I enjoyed all your puns; they were ”beary” funny, lol. Happy New Years Everyone!! :D

By MichellinMan | 20

#5813270 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:28

I can just imagine a small teddy bear being blown to white stuffing by an air bag. Oh, THE HORROR.

COMMENTS

By xkore787 | 14

#5813238 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:14

Need a bear hug?

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#5813297 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:43

Seems as if people are doing the bare minimum for puns nowadays...

13ky13 | 20

#5813312 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 23:07

I don't know, I thought it was a Koala-tee pun.

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5813363 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 23:42

Dammit stormfront! It's bear minimum! Don't you understand the pun!

Lilxpie | 18

#5814047 - Thursday 2 January 2014 16:02

You called for a drop bear?

By sterling1113 | 15

#5813239 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:15

Maybe she's just holding a grudge for whatever reason and wants to make sure you know your place.
Weird way to cope. Sorry OP. I'm sure she'll come around :P

13ky13 | 20

#5813311 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 23:05

Maybe she's bi-Polar.

sterling1113 | 15

#5813384 - Thursday 2 January 2014 0:00

I dunno, she's acting kind of grizzly.

By PrincessCastiel | 27

#5813240 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:15

Kids do the darnest things!

MichellinMan | 20

#5813273 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:30

If OP's sister can drive, she's no child.

Maybe a grown woman-child?

McNikk | 15

#5813293 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:41

Who said OP's sister could drive?

Dthsapprntc | 23

#5813342 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 23:35

#23; OP did.

By uarudeassbitchyo | 17

#5813241 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By trellz17 | 19

#5813243 - Wednesday 1 January 2014 22:16

Kill the bear.

FMLcommenterer | 13

#5813471 - Thursday 2 January 2014 2:08

No, burn it. Then rip it's head off and wrap it round the mirror. That way the bear can share the car, AND OP gets the front seat. Win win.

I'm sick and twisted I know.