Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow.... - FML

By thanks.... - 3/1/2014 21:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Business savvy

By Mike Polk - 3/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

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By lonelygirl - 17/8/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

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By Paige - 10/7/2013 14:18 - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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By blind - 24/6/2009 12:11 - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

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By PiZzA_FaCe - 29/5/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

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By arrow - 30/7/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

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By shocked - 12/10/2009 14:52 - United States

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

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By not_so_sweet_sixteen - 17/3/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

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By j. farmer-smith - 9/2/2018 23:00 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2012 07:24 - United States - Everett

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 05:17 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

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By Doggotmytongue - 12/2/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

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By hipster glasses - 16/8/2013 11:08 - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

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By thedancingtit - 7/6/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 17:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

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By happyturtle - 1/9/2013 09:57 - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By yuhan - 22/7/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

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By marray - 23/7/2018 12:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

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By whitedevil - 9/10/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

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By josie345 - 25/8/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 04:10 - United States - Seattle

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

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By kay51 - 24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

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By Jac - 17/1/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

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By Stupid_Chick - 1/6/2010 01:09 - Canada

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

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By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

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By evenpoorer - 16/3/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8 hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I am now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

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By salad - 28/4/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML

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By birdbath - 8/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By Natalie - 14/7/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

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By c*nt - 13/4/2012 23:14 - Canada - London

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

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By Concussed - 17/1/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 19:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

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By Ohhh the pain - 28/4/2019 04:00

Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhoea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realise she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. 5 minutes later I shit and vomited myself. FML

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By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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Top comments

By barricadebabe | 15

#5815642 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:37

And it never occurred to you to try the doors?

By CaiDog | 20

#5815643 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:37

It never occured to you to step outside...?

COMMENTS

By barricadebabe | 15

#5815642 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:37

And it never occurred to you to try the doors?

Reply

xBethanyC | 15

#5815653 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:47

No because that would just make too much sense

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5815692 - Saturday 4 January 2014 0:16

That my dear would have been way to simple.

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#5815723 - Saturday 4 January 2014 0:57

I would have turned the television on. At least one station would probably have footage/coverage of the snow situation and if I see the news is only showing an inch or so, I'd realize something is up.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5815726 - Saturday 4 January 2014 1:01

If the doors open inwards that is a terrible idea. OP's neighbor is a brilliant prank artist and a neighbor I would love to have.

Reply

Fuaaad1994 | 31

#5815837 - Saturday 4 January 2014 2:29

I wonder how his neighbour managed to sabotage the upstairs windows.

Reply

deOrca | 8

#5815860 - Saturday 4 January 2014 3:00

I wonder what made you think that OP has a second story.

Reply

interesting33 | 36

#5816373 - Saturday 4 January 2014 13:37

Wouldn't the snow fall in?

By CaiDog | 20

#5815643 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:37

It never occured to you to step outside...?

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#5815656 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:48

And get op's house full of ice and snow? No thank you.

Reply

TallMist | 32

#5925014 - Thursday 24 April 2014 21:06

That is only if they open inwards. Most doors, from what I've seen, open outwards. If the door opened outwards, and OP was really snowed in, the door wouldn't open at all.

By guci101 | 14

#5815644 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:37

You should have tried opening the door.

By Pique_fml | 8

#5815645 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:38

Try thinking next time

Reply

Kibaruto | 33

#5815714 - Saturday 4 January 2014 0:45

OP did think. Just not outside the box, er, the house.

Reply

Sports_guy3 | 28

#5815862 - Saturday 4 January 2014 3:01

Thinking is too hard.

By ashalayx | 13

#5815646 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:39

stupid at its finest

By Purplexus | 14

#5815647 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:39

Damn prank wars... But i guess with this one you should have been more open minded with your surroundings

By owenster | 12

#5815650 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:43

At least now you have S-NO-W worries.

Reply

davidislost | 11

#5815658 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:51

That was thaw-full.

Reply

Das_is_gud | 11

#5815718 - Saturday 4 January 2014 0:48

Icy what you did there.

By notsofriendly | 17

#5815651 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:44

Cold as ice.

By froggyjade | 16

#5815654 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:48

You're gonna have to think up something epic to do to your neighbour that's gonna beat that!

By toxic_walrus | 15

#5815655 - Friday 3 January 2014 23:48

Omfg that's brilliant