Homeowners, the best funniest jokes

892

125

Today, I found out that my childhood vacation home was on sale for 149K. We sold it for 99K 9 months ago. FML

By Anonymous - 20/6/2021 00:01

Buyer's market

687

184

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

By Jennifer - 19/5/2021 22:01

A very compassionate defence…

1105

326

Today, after I found gold coins a few years ago, nothing newsworthy but enough to pay off my parents' mortgage, some landowning douche, who is already a millionaire, is now claiming the lake where I found the coins is his, and is suing me for the coins' full value. If I lose in court, my parents may have to sell their house. FML

By Pirated booty - 11/5/2021 04:01

Movie worthy

1138

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

By Anonymous - 9/5/2021 05:59

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

864

120

Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML

By Anonymous - 16/3/2021 11:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Get out

1205

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

By K.. - 28/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Put your foot down

1269

130

Today, I'm now convinced that a series of forlorn, increasingly panicked-sounding little bird-calls are coming from the vents in my apartment. Between my social anxiety and the lockdown, I can see no way to get help. FML

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 20:01

Alexa, play "Panic" by The Smiths

643

114

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

By Michael - 5/2/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Give me strength

284

894

Today, I drove home to Las Vegas after being in quarantine in Los Angeles for two weeks. The lights were on and the lock was busted. My apartment is completely ransacked. Yay 2021. FML

By Mapmouse - 27/1/2021 11:03

Open season

919

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Cooperation

705

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

OCD

1091

Today, my wife told me not to rush her during packing for our upcoming move. She's lived in the house for 30 years and apparently needs to reminisce over every single item. FML

By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 02:02

Hurry up!

680

257

Today, I live in a tiny village in the countryside. Nice and quiet, right? Wrong. The farm next door rents out their land to some kind of soil processing company. Basically, it’s like living next to a never-ending construction site that knows neither Sundays nor holidays. FML

By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 11:01

The Good Life

668

Today, my neighbor complained that the trailers and sheds in my yard are ruining her view. The same neighbor who built her house right above my property, thereby ruining my view, and leaving not even enough space for a hedge in between. FML

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 13:58 - Germany - Ebersbach

Shove it, lady

852

Today, after I caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating. He told me that it isn't my business if he was seeing other woman, because we didn't had an official relationship. We have been living together in a house we bought, for two years now. FML

By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 05:00

Mr Commitment

1386

114

Today, after buying an old house that lacks plumbing a few weeks ago, I’m still crapping in a bucket in the barn. My two favorite Christmas gifts are still 2 pieces of rubber to dampen the noise from my new sewage pump and a used ceramic toilet bowl. FML

By Anonymous - 1/1/2021 19:59 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Renovations

615

302

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 20:01 - Canada

Dried out

674

233

Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML

By lukey101 - 17/12/2020 01:58 - Australia - Caboolture

That took a dark turn…

846

121

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

By Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Pyrotechnics

1028

101

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 23:01 - United States - Wilmington

Home Improvement

892

Today, I was supposed to close on a house. Unfortunately, our lender decided that they couldn't finance us and denied us a loan, after 3 months of us digging up paperwork, saving money, and packing. Now we have to scramble to find a new place, while our insane landlady screams at us. FML

By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 11:09

The old switcheroo

674

By FML Approved - France - Paris

Student Me vs Inner Me

The darkness calls...

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

By why - United States

Truth

21768

2168

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

By screwthewilderness - United States

Nature is healing

30982

3632