Miscellaneous: Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 182

06/09/2015 04:00

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 559

You deserved it 2 123

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Dysfunctional

Makes sense

By lovegame - 28/06/2014 15:48

Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 883

You deserved it 26 824

27/12/2009 12:40

Today, I realized the closest person I have to a friend is the debt collector who calls me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 907

You deserved it 6 650

09/07/2017 18:30

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 986

You deserved it 413

Subjective

By whyyyyy - 17/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 924

You deserved it 296

20/05/2011 08:40

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 16 515

12/10/2012 06:15

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 3 630

05/05/2012 07:19

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 2 306

04/04/2011 09:29

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 064

You deserved it 5 972

30/01/2010 18:45

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 2 973

22/02/2009 01:15

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 842

You deserved it 4 412

28/03/2012 13:52

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 412

You deserved it 2 794

21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 123

10/07/2009 04:12

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 908

You deserved it 9 504

22/02/2010 05:02

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 743

You deserved it 2 807

08/09/2015 23:03

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 966

You deserved it 2 674

A Tale of Two Nutritionists

By Christin Deason - 08/09/2019 22:00

Today, a friend criticized my detox method, calling it "unhealthy and unsafe." Recently, she made a post bragging about her dieting method, which is also very unhealthy and unsafe. I told her she was being a hypocrite. She unfriended and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 365

18/09/2009 13:33

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 933

You deserved it 2 321

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18

Spicy

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 302

You deserved it 3 694

14/11/2009 12:59

Today, I went to see the cast list for the new musical I'm in. I didn't get the part I wanted, and instead I got the part of one of the suitors. Interestingly, they made me the suitor to my ex. And the guy she leaves me for at the end of the musical is the guy she left me for in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 3 114

24/10/2009 04:19

Today, I went to the post office and as I entered the building my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 042

You deserved it 39 483

24/06/2019 04:59

Today, I saw the cutest baby watching a show with my Dad. After commenting how cute she was, my Dad goes on to say, "Yeah, most babies are cute. Except you, you looked like a lizard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 213

Ewwwwwwww

By Warriorwizzle - 15/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had to move down to the third floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. The rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I'm not okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 980

You deserved it 206

You tried…

By Trapfail - 09/08/2021 04:01

Today, I claimed I was pregnant to get back at my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I tagged him in my "ultrasound" pic, saying it was his baby, hoping she would dump him. Turns out there’s this thing called "reverse image search" and he posted the Google page where I got the ultrasound from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 4 800

15/11/2018 03:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 409

02/06/2013 10:53

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 144

You deserved it 5 532

05/11/2013 17:34

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 991

You deserved it 2 847

13/10/2011 08:17

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 2 250

18/10/2018 23:00

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 320

02/04/2010 11:24

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 951

You deserved it 7 037

White collar crime

By potting shed woman - 27/05/2021 04:01

Today, after I told my boss I'd found a serious error that cost the company thousands each year, I found out he'd fled abroad. Turns out the error was him stealing for the past 40 years, our entire department is under investigation and the owner is considering scrapping our office and firing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 55

Apparently not.

By Dez - 26/11/2017 19:00

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend texted me asking, “We are in an open relationship, right?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 398

24/02/2009 07:31

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 296

You deserved it 19 832

03/04/2009 21:43

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 531

You deserved it 225 685

18/03/2009 05:22

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 110

You deserved it 91 805

10/05/2012 11:48

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 314

You deserved it 4 186

Precision flinging

By oh god why - 06/10/2019 00:01

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 218

02/12/2014 02:06

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 3 717

Kittens are everything

By Squanto - 16/08/2021 16:01

Today, I realized that since moving in with my boyfriend and adopting two kittens, I feel more alone than ever. He cuddles the kittens more than me, he doesn’t want to hang out with me at home anymore. Is this normal? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 135

Passionate

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 439

17/12/2009 07:57

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 799

You deserved it 5 961

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:13

he's as smart as you are gay

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:15

I have no idea how anyone can say you deserve it. Good on you OP for being a nice friend. Your boyfriend's a dumbass and the jealous type. Find a secure man. Good job! :)

Comments

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:13

he's as smart as you are gay

BlondePsycho 43

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:13

Sounds like a real smart guy.

Seabass_Chan 33

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:13

Just go with it. Get your friend to play along for shits and giggles.

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:14

Did you say she looked sexy? Or maybe that she looked hot? That would be grounds for suspicion.

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:22

That's not grounds for anything considering that OP was talking to her best friend....

fakedsincerity 32

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:24

I tell my male and female friends they look hot all the time - i don't want to date them (as I'm not single) but giving your friends and ego boost and appreciating them is what friends are for. Her boyfriend sounds like he has self esteem and trust issues.

SPN_lover666 27

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Monday 7 September 2015 3:24

#4, I always tell my female friends if they look sexy or hot in an outfit. My ex never thought I was a lesbian. So no, a compliment doesn't mean anything to get suspicious about.

Thatissarcastic 17

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Monday 7 September 2015 7:11

I've had friends say I have a nice butt/ boobs etc. and plenty were straight. It's just a compliment it doesn't make her gay. Being gay makes her gay.

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Monday 7 September 2015 7:50

This is ridiculous. When my mom went on her first date since her and my dad split I told her she looked sexy. It's something women say to each other to boost their confidence and encourage each other. Your comment makes me suspect you know very little about women.

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Monday 7 September 2015 9:47

Nope, even if it was you look sexy/hot it would be stupid to base a person's sexuality on that.

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Tuesday 8 September 2015 10:59

Well I must be a straight up lesbian lmao I smack my besties ass all the time (she has an ass as big as nicki but her is real) I also smack my moms ass...I like big butts and I cannot lie (I swear I'm not gay)

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:14

Obviously you want her. Why else would you give someone a compliment? Silly.

seaboundrhino813 8

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Monday 7 September 2015 11:06

If the roles were switched, the guy would be getting hell.

whatarethisss 23

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Monday 7 September 2015 17:35

#42 She complimented her girl best friend. If he were to compliment his guy best friend I doubt OP would've cared.

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:14

He's playing mind games. He wants a threesome. Award him with one for his efforts. You're welcome, boyfriend.

leogachi 15

Monday 7 September 2015 4:33

@6 Mind games should be awarded with being dumped.

schalk 12

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Wednesday 9 September 2015 18:10

That thing that flew over everybody's head, that was the joke. Imagine that, on a site for farts & giggles.

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:15

I have no idea how anyone can say you deserve it. Good on you OP for being a nice friend. Your boyfriend's a dumbass and the jealous type. Find a secure man. Good job! :)

chrisbeaudoin 26

Monday 7 September 2015 1:06

Most of the ydi's are just people accidentally clicking it, if you Look on most fml's there is about 10x more fyl than ydi.

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Monday 7 September 2015 21:28

So you're saying that 10% of people accident click YDI? No, there are people who truly think someone deserves it, no matter how bad it is.

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:21

He must not realize how often girls compliment each other when it comes to stuff like that lol.

teapotrevolt 27

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:23

Good opportunity for a surprise threesome. Just kidding! :P

schreibergx93 19

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Monday 7 September 2015 7:06

Totally not kidding ;) haha

derangedplanet 23

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Monday 7 September 2015 0:24

Mmm. It's probably just wishful thinking.