Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML
Today, 2 years into our relationship, my boyfriend's parents still have no idea about me. FML
batah tells us more.
batah 15
Wow, I really didn't think this would get posted! OP here to answer questions, yes it is a cultural/religious reason why his parents have yet to know, he is Moroccan Muslim. We plan on telling them soon when his dad comes back to America :) he just doesn't want to tell them over the phone and risk making anyone angry. Thanks for the comments guys!
Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be "funny as hell" to watch me freak out. FML
Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML
Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML
Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML
Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML
lovinlife028 tells us more.
lovinlife028 24
Hey, OP here! Just to clarify, I normally DO cover my mouth when yawning. The wasp just beat me to the punch. At least I'm not allergic, and it's definitely something I've been chuckling about most of the day. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to get me to see the bright side of this event. :)
Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML
Today, I went to the airport a full three hours before my flight departure time just to be on the safe side. I ended up having the best nap of my life and missing my flight. FML
Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me, "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML
Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry…" FML
Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML
Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML
Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML
Quackadoodledoo tells us more.
I was watching a tv series on my tablet...after one episode (45 minutes) I looked on Google maps to see how far I had got and that's when I realised! It was a cross country train and the next station was 60 miles from where I got on the train. A place called Darlington. If I had stayed on the train all the way I would have ended up on Edinburgh!
Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML
Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML
Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML
Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML
Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML
Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML
Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML
Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML
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