Kids: Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red...

By ILoveLamps - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

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Kids

Out of it

Kitchen nightmares

Money hole

By t-dawg - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss' daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

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By NotAnUglyBaby - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

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By Anonymous

They Do.

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

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By moorox45 - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

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By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom - London

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

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By Anonymous

Keep in touch

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

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By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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By zbaby - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

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Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

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By tbright010 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

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By :( - United States - Pearland

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

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By Joshua - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

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By mimi - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By kelsey - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

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By Demotivation - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Daphne

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

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By purpleskylight - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

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By Spadiethestar - France

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

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By kraziikayce - United States

Today, my uncle got me a debit card and put $1000 on it for my Christmas present. However, he forgot to activate the card. The receipt with the 14-digit activation code is in the garbage in Colorado. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Porter

Dirty mind

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

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By robbyrabbit - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

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By MyNameIsNotJeff - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

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By Ania - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

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By xXEndlesslullabyXx - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

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By KayleeXLoVe21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

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By WalkTheOtherWay - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

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By Anonyme - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

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By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/5/2020 20:00

A load of hot air

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

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By ihmmil

Belly Finger

Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML

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By pizzafreak18 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

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By rolypoly - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

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Top comments

By amadeclton | 26

#6242819 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:13

Don't you know that on Wednesdays we wear pink?

By sharkgirl4 | 23

#6242809 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:08

I think the bigger concern is that they have conditioned their child to think "Red=urinate". Hope he doesn't want to be a fireman when he grows up.
Sorry about your pants OP.

COMMENTS

By sarah5745 | 41

#6242804 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:06

Oh god.. Don't worry, he'll get there soon :) XD

By matt721 | 8

#6242806 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

Well I guess you had a shitty day.

Morning_fml | 22

#6242822 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:18

Not even close. -10 FML points for trying too hard.

lulinator | 40

#6242826 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:23

I don't think they tried at all.

RainTears | 15

#6242853 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:24

no guys, number 2 is right. OP must be pretty pissed off

(that's how you do it o3o)

TheCookieComet | 23

#6242939 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:30

I don't think this was pun intended. What happened was pretty shitty.

By DaRito | 25

#6242807 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

YDI for wearing red, that's never acceptable.

sarah5745 | 41

#6242815 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:11

OP can wear whatever the hell op wants!

FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6242816 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:11

You deserve a thumb down. How on earth does op deserve that. He/she wasn't expecting the kid to piss on his pants. Op thought it was only for the red in the toilet.

BoundBySpace | 19

#6242828 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:26

what #3 is implying is that pants shouldn't be red. It's his opinion.

Setareh23 | 34

#6242840 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:37

Guys, I'm pretty sure #3 was being sarcastic...

Wakachulak | 22

#6242842 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:44

Seriously? Am I the only one to think red pants look ugly?

brittaaany_93 | 38

#6242844 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:55

I think red pants are rad. But everyone has their own opinion :)

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6242848 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:03

i don't like red either

By Fuaaad1994 | 31

#6242808 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

Guess they're not so red anymore

Myo_fml | 20

#6242847 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:01

No, they're just a darker damper red now. That's how liquids work. pee doesn't magically dye things yellow.

MortenM | 17

#6243094 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 23:56

It don't?

By sharkgirl4 | 23

#6242809 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:08

I think the bigger concern is that they have conditioned their child to think "Red=urinate". Hope he doesn't want to be a fireman when he grows up.
Sorry about your pants OP.

MrFloooo | 18

#6242835 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:34

Well, he would get the fires out...

lnheritance | 19

#6242841 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:40

Must be related to Bulls going for red. And targets are red; so target hits the "mark".

Enslaved | 36

#6242856 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:42

Funny thing is bulls are colour-blind. The red is just there for us. (:

love_struck97 | 19

#6242907 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:45

People have different ways of potty training my cousins aimed for Cheerios in the toilet. Using red paper to teach him isn't a big deal

ShannonBitt | 29

#6242954 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:59

Are they flushing the red paper? That sounds like a clog waiting to happen, even worse if they have a septic system. It's not designed to break down like toilet paper.