Kids: Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red...

By ILoveLamps - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

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Kids

Go to your OWN rooms!

Assumptions

Vicious and unprovoked

By ohsosad - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2021 00:30

Unwanted

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

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By knuckleheadknock

Today, my rather large boss told me how the company needs to save money, how we are going downhill fast, even suggesting that we might go bankrupt very soon. He then went on to ask me to go get him some very expensive scotch using the company credit card to, "help him cope with the stress." FML

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By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

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By soph511 - France - Hy?res

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

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By hoplessG - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

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By mosaicevolution - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

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By kaley

Real dream

Today, I woke up to find that I had given myself a haircut in my sleep. I have a presentation today and a job interview tomorrow. FML

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By nobrows - United States - Malvern

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

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By haunted - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

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By buster - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

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By Clumsy - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

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By d - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

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By jake - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

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By FitnessFirst - Canada - Toronto

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By highfive - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

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By Anonymous

Seems fair

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

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By Kayleigh - 16/3/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Mixing it up

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his dad's ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got told that I have a dainty sneeze. It was the closest thing I've had to a compliment I've had in months. FML

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By Confused - 23/9/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Suspicious

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

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By Loser - United States

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

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By lostinthewoods

GPS FML

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed a weird smell coming from my four year old daughter's room. I went to investigate and found she had been using (and hiding) her garbage can as a toilet for when she "can't make it in time." FML

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By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Are you OK, hun?

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I realized the only reason I was invited to go on vacation with my extended family was so I could babysit everyone's children while the adults go out and have fun. FML

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By Lokimagnus

Rookie mistake

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

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By malebonding - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

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By qtpieo1 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

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By boyfriendless - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

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66779

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By ZZ - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

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By stupid!!! - 2/9/2020 19:58

Light bulb moment

Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML

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By =( - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

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By anniecook - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

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By Asian - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

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By d4rkxf0x - United States - Lindale

Today, I found the iPod touch that my mother claimed was stolen at the mall a few years ago, lying on her bed, still logged in to her Facebook. Thanks, mom. FML

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Top comments

By amadeclton | 26

#6242819 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:13

Don't you know that on Wednesdays we wear pink?

By sharkgirl4 | 23

#6242809 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:08

I think the bigger concern is that they have conditioned their child to think "Red=urinate". Hope he doesn't want to be a fireman when he grows up.
Sorry about your pants OP.

COMMENTS

By sarah5745 | 41

#6242804 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:06

Oh god.. Don't worry, he'll get there soon :) XD

By matt721 | 8

#6242806 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

Well I guess you had a shitty day.

Morning_fml | 22

#6242822 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:18

Not even close. -10 FML points for trying too hard.

lulinator | 40

#6242826 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:23

I don't think they tried at all.

RainTears | 15

#6242853 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:24

no guys, number 2 is right. OP must be pretty pissed off

(that's how you do it o3o)

TheCookieComet | 23

#6242939 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:30

I don't think this was pun intended. What happened was pretty shitty.

By DaRito | 25

#6242807 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

YDI for wearing red, that's never acceptable.

sarah5745 | 41

#6242815 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:11

OP can wear whatever the hell op wants!

FluffyPandas156 | 13

#6242816 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:11

You deserve a thumb down. How on earth does op deserve that. He/she wasn't expecting the kid to piss on his pants. Op thought it was only for the red in the toilet.

BoundBySpace | 19

#6242828 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:26

what #3 is implying is that pants shouldn't be red. It's his opinion.

Setareh23 | 34

#6242840 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:37

Guys, I'm pretty sure #3 was being sarcastic...

Wakachulak | 22

#6242842 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:44

Seriously? Am I the only one to think red pants look ugly?

brittaaany_93 | 38

#6242844 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:55

I think red pants are rad. But everyone has their own opinion :)

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6242848 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:03

i don't like red either

By Fuaaad1994 | 31

#6242808 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:07

Guess they're not so red anymore

Myo_fml | 20

#6242847 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:01

No, they're just a darker damper red now. That's how liquids work. pee doesn't magically dye things yellow.

MortenM | 17

#6243094 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 23:56

It don't?

By sharkgirl4 | 23

#6242809 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:08

I think the bigger concern is that they have conditioned their child to think "Red=urinate". Hope he doesn't want to be a fireman when he grows up.
Sorry about your pants OP.

MrFloooo | 18

#6242835 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:34

Well, he would get the fires out...

lnheritance | 19

#6242841 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 16:40

Must be related to Bulls going for red. And targets are red; so target hits the "mark".

Enslaved | 36

#6242856 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 17:42

Funny thing is bulls are colour-blind. The red is just there for us. (:

love_struck97 | 19

#6242907 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:45

People have different ways of potty training my cousins aimed for Cheerios in the toilet. Using red paper to teach him isn't a big deal

ShannonBitt | 29

#6242954 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:59

Are they flushing the red paper? That sounds like a clog waiting to happen, even worse if they have a septic system. It's not designed to break down like toilet paper.