By batah - 12/05/2015 02:49 - United States - Columbus
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batah tells us more.
Wow, I really didn't think this would get posted! OP here to answer questions, yes it is a cultural/religious reason why his parents have yet to know, he is Moroccan Muslim. We plan on telling them soon when his dad comes back to America :) he just doesn't want to tell them over the phone and risk making anyone angry. Thanks for the comments guys!
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Ramos808
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I'm not sure "my parents won't approve" is necessarily a good excuse though. A friend of mine dated a guy for 4 years (who hid it from his parents due to cultural/religious objections) and she was always telling herself "oh but this means he loves me so much he'll risk this to be with me!" but at the end he told her he was done with this phase and was ready to find a pure virgin (although HE didn't have to follow those standards himself!) same-religion girl to marry. So op, here is my advice: unless his actual life would be in danger or something, think about what his hiding you implies: what are his motivations? How important are you to him? Will he ever care about you enough to overcome familial disapproval? Is he even serious about you, or are you just "temporary" and for amusement? Because if he is serious about your relationship, he can't hide you forever. And if he isn't, then you should probably just break up. Sooner the better. Unless you too are not looking for a serious relationship, then I guess it's cool.
Btw, before people say "it's easier said then done..." yes I know that. I also have a bf that I knew would cause cultural/religious difficulties with my family. But I told my family anyways. I was scared, and shaking, and every single one of my close family members told me they were disappointed in me and had thought better of me and my parents continuously started arguments with me every single time I visited them, and my mother cried (so did I). But I did it anyways, because I was serious about him and therefor knew there was no reason to keep him hidden.
I once dated a guy for 3 years who's parents didn't know about me. He is Indian and Hindu and is supposed to have an arranged marriage. He told his parents about me and they threatened to disown him and they beat him physically for it. After that, we both agreed out was better they don't know. He plans on ditching his parents after college. The relationship ended because he was too clingy and the difference in religion was causing a rift between us. Point is, it might not be bad they don't know, as long as you're both okay with it and understand why.
This may seem silly but it may be to protect you. I read recently of a young man from the UK who has a girlfriend who's revently transitioned from male to female and he hasn't told his parents because of their opinions about transgender people. He's not telling them so that she's protected from possible hatred which he feels is unnecessary. Now I'm not saying you're transgender and I'm not saying that his parents would definitely dislike you but there's a possibility he's not telling them for your benefit. Long stretch! If it's not and he's just hiding you from them, then he's an arse and has some very serious explaining to do!!
He needs to grow a pair and tell them. Why would he date you for two years and not tell them? Is he afraid of how they will react? Are they really religious and you are not? Is he not allowed to date? Another possibility ( this will be an unpopular one) he may have another girlfriend that they do know about.
If you are serious about someone you introduce them to family, that is what a grown person does because they know they will be interacting at some point. After all, your other half should be coming around for some holiday events, maybe even some family dinners and whatnot. This is two years! I could understand a few months but for him to not introduce her as the girlfriend after two years either he is scared of his families reaction, or he is hiding something else.
Possibilities in most likely order: 1: He's sees you two having no future or getting married. 2: His parents don't approve your relationship/ of you. 3: He's probably embarrassed about his parents; i.e nudists 4: His family are undercover agents who are under surveillance from super villains and he's only trying to protect you.
Any post that states "now I'm not saying your a transgender" makes my day better.. Well done number 6! As for the original post, he's either ashamed of you or them, either way, his relationships are too compartmentalized to be effective and healthy. Perhaps it's time for a heart to heart.
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I'm sorry, OP. This doesn't mean anything. His parents probably just don't approve of him dating, so he kept you his little secret :)
This may seem silly but it may be to protect you. I read recently of a young man from the UK who has a girlfriend who's revently transitioned from male to female and he hasn't told his parents because of their opinions about transgender people. He's not telling them so that she's protected from possible hatred which he feels is unnecessary. Now I'm not saying you're transgender and I'm not saying that his parents would definitely dislike you but there's a possibility he's not telling them for your benefit. Long stretch! If it's not and he's just hiding you from them, then he's an arse and has some very serious explaining to do!!