By Read The Fine Print - United States - Sylmar Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML I agree, your life sucks 31145 You deserved it 2234 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Perth Ninja! Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1689 You deserved it 96 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By daddy - France Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where was the police? They were 500m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML I agree, your life sucks 32525 You deserved it 2214 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brian - United States - Sandston Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML I agree, your life sucks 12276 You deserved it 33190 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Aldoch Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML I agree, your life sucks 35938 You deserved it 4819 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cheech - United States Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML I agree, your life sucks 18566 You deserved it 58137 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why.mom Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML I agree, your life sucks 3024 You deserved it 132 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML I agree, your life sucks 34618 You deserved it 2925 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By resipsahipsta - United States Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML I agree, your life sucks 63055 You deserved it 24334 339 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, after planning 4 months in advance and spending almost $600 to cover everyone's tickets to the event center, all of my siblings decided to bail on my 30th birthday celebration because driving 3 hours is too much. FML I agree, your life sucks 4180 You deserved it 333 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By properpissed - United States - San Francisco Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML I agree, your life sucks 35366 You deserved it 10121 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML I agree, your life sucks 12858 You deserved it 33280 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Corona Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML I agree, your life sucks 25873 You deserved it 2598 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hahaha - United States Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML I agree, your life sucks 11668 You deserved it 40111 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Spa Catholic - United States - Taunton Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML I agree, your life sucks 31450 You deserved it 2095 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notlaughing - United States - College Park Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML I agree, your life sucks 47041 You deserved it 7271 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By justabitembarrassed - United States - Chagrin Falls Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML I agree, your life sucks 24754 You deserved it 4787 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/3/2021 02:01 Ironic Today, I overheard my caucasian mother on the phone lamenting to a friend that her future grandchildren won’t “look American”. Any future grandchildren of hers would be half Lakota native. FML I agree, your life sucks 1064 You deserved it 87 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By suspended - United States - Englewood Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML I agree, your life sucks 14149 You deserved it 26776 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By marray - United States - Aurora Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML I agree, your life sucks 3854 You deserved it 609 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 1152 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Quicky5_ - United States - Jasper Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML I agree, your life sucks 31078 You deserved it 2471 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States - Commack Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML I agree, your life sucks 47292 You deserved it 2795 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML I agree, your life sucks 27334 You deserved it 5367 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IPicasso Today, my brother sent me over a dozen screenshots from his phone, because he couldn't work out why it wasn't capturing all the paint he'd managed to smear on the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 3313 You deserved it 261 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By disappointed - United States - Rockville Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML I agree, your life sucks 11963 You deserved it 1450 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jussy - 26/1/2021 17:01 Report card Today, while assisting my kindergartener with distance learning, it became apparent what an incompetent bumbling mess his teacher is. In-person learning resumes next week, and I'm terrified to leave my child in a classroom with this man. FML I agree, your life sucks 689 You deserved it 104 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By during - United States Narcissism Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML I agree, your life sucks 56268 You deserved it 7301 250 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML I agree, your life sucks 13579 You deserved it 19773 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThisIsAgony - United States - Las Vegas Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML I agree, your life sucks 45779 You deserved it 3604 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jojobobo Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 3822 You deserved it 2184 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Undercooked - Canada - Mississauga Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML I agree, your life sucks 52773 You deserved it 4725 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01 A ghost Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML I agree, your life sucks 1269 You deserved it 337 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nomorecleaning - United States - Augusta Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 42040 You deserved it 4019 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By so_screwed - United States - Salinas Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 39421 You deserved it 13851 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML I agree, your life sucks 15705 You deserved it 22144 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By footyfallout - Canada Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML I agree, your life sucks 13119 You deserved it 53516 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/3/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - London I don't want to sound ungrateful, but… Today, it was my birthday. I'd told my wife i would love a new battery drill, finally getting a decent one after all these years, and picked out a few nice ones. I opened the present: another cheap off-brand drill. They "didn't have any of the ones I picked out", but this one came with free drill bits. All useless. FML I agree, your life sucks 961 You deserved it 167 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kitty - United States Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML I agree, your life sucks 26400 You deserved it 3141 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 04:58 Scratch that itch Today, I bought a $50 Nintendo eShop card to redeem on my Nintendo Switch. As I was scratching the grey area, I scratched too hard, making it hard to see what it was. I tried randomly guessing and asking for help. Neither helped. Guess who didn't get $50 back. FML I agree, your life sucks 402 You deserved it 739 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML I agree, your life sucks 25821 You deserved it 10536 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RougeRamirez | 8 #5180513 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:45 "Like a normal person; call the fucking cops" Send a private message 340 9 Reply
By keven501 | 12 #5180506 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:44 With a giant stuffed panda bear! Send a private message 268 5 Reply
By keven501 | 12 #5180506 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:44 With a giant stuffed panda bear! Send a private message 268 5 Reply
Reply marik7410 | 6 #5180557 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:59 With a hot tub Send a private message 42 4 Reply
Reply R4inb0wBrit3 | 13 #5180579 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:02 And Bob Barker :D Send a private message 34 4 Reply
Reply SurfSnowSkate7 | 7 #5180776 - Saturday 24 November 2012 14:27 And an intern! Send a private message 26 3 Reply
Reply KingCeltic77 | 18 #5180834 - Saturday 24 November 2012 14:58 With a Sandwhich. Send a private message 20 5 Reply
Reply Futacy | 29 #5180910 - Saturday 24 November 2012 15:40 ^ and some spell check Send a private message 58 3 Reply
Reply FMLouis | 6 #5181022 - Saturday 24 November 2012 16:25 In my office! Send a private message 24 4 Reply
Reply SqueakyChipmunk | 20 #5181255 - Saturday 24 November 2012 17:11 With a stripper! Send a private message 22 8 Reply
Reply kitkatkit | 4 #5181383 - Saturday 24 November 2012 17:57 With the girl from 2E! Send a private message 22 3 Reply
Reply MrFuckingFrazier | 3 #5182013 - Saturday 24 November 2012 20:45 Stuffed with puppies! Send a private message 3 11 Reply
Reply sens3sfailing | 24 #5182489 - Sunday 25 November 2012 1:22 Aaaand a brand new car! Send a private message 6 6 Reply
Reply ATSViper | 15 #5183839 - Sunday 25 November 2012 12:31 Maybe a combo breaker! Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By RougeRamirez | 8 #5180513 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:45 "Like a normal person; call the fucking cops" Send a private message 340 9 Reply
Reply crduncan | 6 #5180784 - Saturday 24 November 2012 14:32 Is this a quote from a movie or something? Send a private message 2 79 Reply
Reply chickenflem | 8 #5180877 - Saturday 24 November 2012 15:26 Is it bad that I sang your comment, 2, like "like a good neighbor statefarm is there??" lol Send a private message 48 4 Reply
Reply jaredofmo | 22 #5180966 - Saturday 24 November 2012 16:02 33 - Nope. I did the same thing. It works beautifully. Send a private message 24 3 Reply
Reply jumpshot32 | 11 #5182083 - Saturday 24 November 2012 21:20 2. I think I would rather call the regular cops. They don't use fuzzy handcuffs if you know what I mean. Send a private message 45 3 Reply
By ElmoSaysSquishy | 28 #5180520 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:45 I hope you at least memorized his registration plate Send a private message 72 9 Reply
Reply Hockeyboy4280 | 18 #5181876 - Saturday 24 November 2012 20:07 It's always good to take pictures in this situation. License plates, wreckage, etc... A few pictures can go a long way in this scenario. Send a private message 7 2 Reply
By Futacy | 29 #5180530 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:51 ... with someone to beat some reality into that dude. Send a private message 49 9 Reply
Reply WritingWrongs | 8 #5180838 - Saturday 24 November 2012 15:02 What are you saying? That jingle doesn't actually work?! Send a private message 7 21 Reply
Reply Futacy | 29 #5180914 - Saturday 24 November 2012 15:41 ^ *facepalm* Send a private message 14 4 Reply
Reply Dairyking | 8 #5182193 - Saturday 24 November 2012 22:18 32, It looks like your facetious tone has been overlooked. Hence why we need a sarcasm button. Send a private message 2 3 Reply
Reply sens3sfailing | 24 #5182487 - Sunday 25 November 2012 1:20 65-I think it was more along the lines of 32 just wasn't funny at all... Send a private message 2 7 Reply
Reply Futacy | 29 #5182764 - Sunday 25 November 2012 3:10 70- right you are :) Send a private message 2 4 Reply
Reply sens3sfailing | 24 #5187897 - Monday 26 November 2012 20:21 70-I don't think people understood we got the sarcasm in the statement, but still thumbed it down because it still wasn't funny... Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Funkymunky1511 | 4 #5180535 - Saturday 24 November 2012 11:52 Call the police dude. Or at least remember his plate registration Send a private message 26 3 Reply
By kultyre | 7 #5180581 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:03 Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there.. With the cops. Send a private message 90 7 Reply
By SettoFail | 9 #5180587 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:06 He was probably trying to be funny so he could get away with it Send a private message 29 2 Reply
By Nutz101 | 7 #5180589 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:06 That guy is awesome Send a private message 62 18 Reply
Reply angeluv_2014 | 22 #5182016 - Saturday 24 November 2012 20:47 Yes, but only if it wasn't you that he hit. :/ Send a private message 9 3 Reply
By Feverrotes | 15 #5180603 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:10 So did that guy get back in his car and drive off while you stood there trying to take in what he was saying? Send a private message 8 1 Reply
By ariverperson | 11 #5180615 - Saturday 24 November 2012 12:19 ......what does that even mean?! Send a private message 16 63 Reply
Reply htownpostman | 16 #5180659 - Saturday 24 November 2012 13:05 It's the theme to an insurance company.. Google State Farm commercials Send a private message 16 1 Reply
Reply misterjez | 15 #5181380 - Saturday 24 November 2012 17:56 Double rainbows all the way! Send a private message 7 1 Reply
Reply psychobiker08 | 4 #5196712 - Thursday 29 November 2012 6:44 Really?! Send a private message 1 4 Reply
Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has... I agree, your life sucks 193 You deserved it 20 3 Comments
Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head... I agree, your life sucks 292 You deserved it 490 6 Comments