Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things...

By ph2222 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

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Intimacy

Vulture

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

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By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Midlothian

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

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By TuT - France

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

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By kaleighf - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By blackedout - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By smurfette7413 - 13/10/2020 05:01

Monster couch

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun when the pull-out couch decided to try to eat us. Now I have a broken nose and my boyfriend keeps making jokes about the "human eating couch." FML

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By lala - United States

Red circle gang

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

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By Anonymous - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

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By Isitreallythatbad, - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

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By beaverfever - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

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By Cali girl - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

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By blanknameisblank - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

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By Cybertronianchic - 5/9/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

No kink-shaming

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

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By anonbob - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

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By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

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By fucking moron - United States - Mount Holly

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

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By zappy - United States

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

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By inpuredeceit - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

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By marshmallowssss - United States

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

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By staringisrude - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

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By tash - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

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By sara - 13/5/2021 01:59 - Canada

Don't overdo it, it's bad for you

Today, I have wasted so much time reading comments on this page that FML comments have become my favorite bedtime stories. FML

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By taz

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found out whether or not my boyfriend is cheating on me. Turns out he isn't. He is cheating on his wife, with me. FML

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By beezybees - United States

Where is it?

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

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By lonleystoner91 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML

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By lalala - Philippines

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

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By MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

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By AlwaysAfraid - United States

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

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By shannon - 2/4/2021 20:59

Who are you?

Today, I asked my coworker for her name. She screamed at me because apparently I'd already asked her 5 times before. I have no memory of any of it. FML

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Top comments

By zxtq | 14

#6427785 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:36

Should have competed to see who was louder xD fyl

By phazetryhard | 10

#6427789 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:37

Should've seen who could've lasted longer

COMMENTS

By zxtq | 14

#6427785 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:36

Should have competed to see who was louder xD fyl

By phazetryhard | 10

#6427789 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:37

Should've seen who could've lasted longer

SoloAutotunE | 17

#6427796 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:42

I'll tell you this. That is not something you do with your parents

crazyindynathan | 13

#6427935 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 2:09

My vote is for the parents, considering the vast amount of experience.

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6428018 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:35

@34- The parents are married which means the father hasn't had sex in a year and will be done in two minutes...

By catd00d | 10

#6427792 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

MrSassypants | 32

#6427812 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:50

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!

By arielmr116 | 18

#6427793 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:40

The irony is strong in this one

By mustangbravo | 27

#6427794 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:40

Been there.

By classicman007 | 4

#6427795 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:41

How is this a bad thing?

By uglytwin | 15

#6427810 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:48

Bang bang into the room... No? I'll walk myself out

By jane35 | 13

#6427814 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:51

It's their place though, y'all just a guest

By bad_boyfriend | 10

#6427816 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:52

Plot twist: His parents were listening to you and it got them in the mood

oliv34 | 11

#6428736 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 6:53

right!!! thats what i was thinking

By Angelkisses130 | 26

#6427818 - Monday 5 October 2015 22:53

At least you guys were respectful....can't really guarantee I'd have the same amount of self-control XD

jake_braves | 25

#6428027 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 5:45

Me too ^_^

Tenebrous_fml | 12

#6428368 - Tuesday 6 October 2015 21:03

There are 69 likes, I would like but I can't ruin it! It's too perfect!

stickthatwhere | 16

#6431559 - Saturday 10 October 2015 15:53

same, I'd of given it to someone
hard