Animals: Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp...

By lovinlife028 - United States - Nashville

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

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lovinlife028 tells us more :

Hey, OP here! Just to clarify, I normally DO cover my mouth when yawning. The wasp just beat me to the punch. At least I'm not allergic, and it's definitely something I've been chuckling about most of the day. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to get me to see the bright side of this event. :)

Animals

Understandable

Messed up

Innocent

By Anonymous - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

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By queenofthegypsys - 1/3/2020 23:00

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

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989

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By kinkyapparently - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

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23792

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By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

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44257

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By shayes9 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

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9747

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By someonesomething - United States

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

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28164

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

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40708

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By Thanks Honey - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

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By sadmommy - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

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By Anonymous

No internet, just cuddles

Today, my cat decided that the best place for her to pee was over the surge protector where my modem, router, and printer are plugged in. FML

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1430

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

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By maharaja

Today, multiple people informed my girlfriend that I’m cheating on her. I’m not. FML

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1814

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By Anonymous - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

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By JohnMackSquirts - United States

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

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31932

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By ugh. - United States - Palo Alto

Full house

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

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2098

You deserved it

201

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By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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18061

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By dinosawerr - United States

Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML

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55557

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By Lulu

Today, the first day of my 4-day weekend, I fell off my scooter. I'll have to spend the rest of my vacation bandaged and away from water. I'm on a beach. FML

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4001

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

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44444

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

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17986

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By King_of_Cha0s - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

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28867

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By skywayavenue - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

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12175

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

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38294

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By HaHa Not Funny - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

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By reese - 11/6/2020 05:03

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

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901

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

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31829

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By go fish

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

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1406

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By Not Amish FFS

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

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1611

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By GabyLeann - United States

Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML

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By lesousterre - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

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26785

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By dork - United States

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

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By Theslacker... - United States - Coplay

Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML

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4170

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

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3082

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191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

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17659

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By Jess - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

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9669

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By shark - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

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12613

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By catt - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

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33442

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23942

You deserved it

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By fmlTGOD - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough. FML

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37537

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Top comments

By Miss_Whipped | 43

#6258866 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:36

The wasp liked it, so he wanted to put a wing on it.

Edit: Or a sting on it.

But seriously, thank heavens you're okay.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

COMMENTS

By Charles900 | 16

#6258817 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:09

That's got to hurt. I hope you're not allergic to them, OP.

By MissKangaroo | 23

#6258818 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

Ouch

By WitEluded | 13

#6258819 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

You should bee more careful

Mauskau | 35

#6258940 - Saturday 11 April 2015 3:02

I see wasp you did there.

acommonman | 23

#6258968 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:21

wrong insect, man! that ant gonna fly.

WitEluded | 13

#6258969 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:23

Buzz off

PlainWhiteWalls | 20

#6259269 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:05

You sound ticked off.

bsums203 | 13

#6259274 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:24

I don't think this one was avoidable if she had been more careful.

thecman25 | 14

#6280761 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:22

That was weak

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258825 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Just don't let it bug you out.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

By ebonyrose2828 | 16

#6258829 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:12

That must really sting!

By fuckercakes | 21

#6258831 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:13

I cringe at the thought

By wakemeupplease | 21

#6258836 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

Sorry but YDI next time cover your mouth when you yawn!!

I_Bite | 22

#6258891 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:28

my grandma used to say "if you don't cover your mouth (when you yawn) you'll let the devil in"
guess she wasn't entirely wrong

XxBunBunxX | 2

#6259000 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:54

Sometimes things are quick. I was in class barely starting a young I almost had my hand to cover it when I got a spitball spit into my mouth. Within 4 seconds on starting a yawn I ended up choking.

nityasomaiya | 46

#6259239 - Saturday 11 April 2015 11:36

#42 this is FML worthy

By DeathMeat | 16

#6258838 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

*If you don't bother them, they won't bother you* My Ass!!!

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258849 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#6258853 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:27

i think he was saying 'my ass' about the saying, like he means the saying is bs because OP didnt bother the wasp

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258903 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:43

There's the misunderstanding. All I see is 'My' at the of his comment.
(cut off? idk)

When you add 'ass' his comment actually makes sense.

My apologies.

By mld4657 | 28

#6258842 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:18

Jeez ouch I sorry op