Animals: Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp...

By lovinlife028 - United States - Nashville

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

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lovinlife028 tells us more :

Hey, OP here! Just to clarify, I normally DO cover my mouth when yawning. The wasp just beat me to the punch. At least I'm not allergic, and it's definitely something I've been chuckling about most of the day. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to get me to see the bright side of this event. :)

Animals

Messed up

PMS PSA

Just a prank, bro

By pixie09 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

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31358

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By samsterling - United States - Blacksburg

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

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18281

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

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17921

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 00:30

Not a biology major

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

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871

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186

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By Girl - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

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62962

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By Nikki - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26928

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3552

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By AuraOfJustice - United States

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML

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37175

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By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

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By screw_this27

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

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1401

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163

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML

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35346

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44525

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By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

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By Carrie - 4/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Obsession by Calvin Klein

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

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514

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268

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By Thatslife - Netherlands

Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML

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51118

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By liz1234 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

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66012

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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6673

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570

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By CambodianAsshole - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

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33395

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By Clueless - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

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14390

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By Where is it coming from?! - United States - Brightwood

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

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42877

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6907

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By caqi33 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

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30147

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By team hit bella with a car - United States - Odenton

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

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37419

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By fuck you with a bacon cock - United Kingdom - Forres

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

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43180

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3476

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By charliebravo77 - United States

Slippery

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss's car. FML

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33327

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

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28648

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By anon - New Zealand

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

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25532

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2203

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By emmingle - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

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43007

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3018

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By kat - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

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27641

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3045

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By pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u - United States - Monmouth Junction

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23716

You deserved it

1861

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

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58927

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By Anonymous - Australia

Trick question

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

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13549

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By FreakedOut - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

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54980

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2803

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

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17917

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

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29561

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5976

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By Oli974 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31149

You deserved it

2754

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12793

You deserved it

2796

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I had a doctor's appointment because I've recently lost weight. I'm already underweight, and I was concerned because the weight loss has been causing some other health concerns to worsen. My doctor's exact words of advice? "Eating food usually leads to weight gain." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1694

You deserved it

298

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By damnnn - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

2015

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24845

You deserved it

5597

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By rise - 8/5/2021 10:59

Painful

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

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878

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By Julieworld

Recycling helps

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

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1503

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Top comments

By Miss_Whipped | 43

#6258866 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:36

The wasp liked it, so he wanted to put a wing on it.

Edit: Or a sting on it.

But seriously, thank heavens you're okay.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

COMMENTS

By Charles900 | 16

#6258817 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:09

That's got to hurt. I hope you're not allergic to them, OP.

By MissKangaroo | 23

#6258818 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

Ouch

By WitEluded | 13

#6258819 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

You should bee more careful

Mauskau | 35

#6258940 - Saturday 11 April 2015 3:02

I see wasp you did there.

acommonman | 23

#6258968 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:21

wrong insect, man! that ant gonna fly.

WitEluded | 13

#6258969 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:23

Buzz off

PlainWhiteWalls | 20

#6259269 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:05

You sound ticked off.

bsums203 | 13

#6259274 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:24

I don't think this one was avoidable if she had been more careful.

thecman25 | 14

#6280761 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:22

That was weak

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258825 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Just don't let it bug you out.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

By ebonyrose2828 | 16

#6258829 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:12

That must really sting!

By fuckercakes | 21

#6258831 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:13

I cringe at the thought

By wakemeupplease | 21

#6258836 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

Sorry but YDI next time cover your mouth when you yawn!!

I_Bite | 22

#6258891 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:28

my grandma used to say "if you don't cover your mouth (when you yawn) you'll let the devil in"
guess she wasn't entirely wrong

XxBunBunxX | 2

#6259000 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:54

Sometimes things are quick. I was in class barely starting a young I almost had my hand to cover it when I got a spitball spit into my mouth. Within 4 seconds on starting a yawn I ended up choking.

nityasomaiya | 46

#6259239 - Saturday 11 April 2015 11:36

#42 this is FML worthy

By DeathMeat | 16

#6258838 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

*If you don't bother them, they won't bother you* My Ass!!!

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258849 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#6258853 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:27

i think he was saying 'my ass' about the saying, like he means the saying is bs because OP didnt bother the wasp

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258903 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:43

There's the misunderstanding. All I see is 'My' at the of his comment.
(cut off? idk)

When you add 'ass' his comment actually makes sense.

My apologies.

By mld4657 | 28

#6258842 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:18

Jeez ouch I sorry op