Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp...

By lovinlife028 - 10/4/2015 15:08 - United States - Nashville

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

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lovinlife028 tells us more :

Hey, OP here! Just to clarify, I normally DO cover my mouth when yawning. The wasp just beat me to the punch. At least I'm not allergic, and it's definitely something I've been chuckling about most of the day. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to get me to see the bright side of this event. :)

Animals

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By squirrels69ing - 22/5/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

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By anonymous - 29/7/2012 13:34 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML

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By lizzardbreath - 31/3/2009 10:44 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

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By Mia - 26/1/2019 02:00

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2014 19:40 - United States - Clive

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2014 18:57 - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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By TheTruthofWomen - 4/11/2013 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

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By brokebackanus - 18/12/2015 14:15 - United States - Detroit

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

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By daisyann - 15/7/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

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By druglord - 28/6/2020 14:10

Humorless parents are the worst

Today, I asked my parents if I could have their old Polaroid camera so I could take artsy pictures, but they got all defensive, because, "Polaroid pictures can’t be traced." So I jokingly said I was using it to take pictures of my drug cartel to have a record of my stocks, and now they think I’m some sort of drug lord. FML

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By elvisfreak5446 - 10/8/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

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By lifesucks0925 - 6/9/2013 07:01 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

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By Kayak - 29/12/2014 23:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2018 01:30

WTF?

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

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By tryandtryagain - 28/4/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2017 10:04 - United States - Newtown

Today, my crush fell asleep on me on the bus. This would have been fantastic if I didn't immediately have an erection in her ear. FML

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By SweeT - 25/10/2008 16:55

Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

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By Professional - 29/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

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By ANON - 13/8/2013 23:53 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

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By Yuni - 8/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Mom of the year

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

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By fatty - 7/6/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

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By ohmaigawd - 14/9/2011 16:59 - Argentina

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 14:55 - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2014 09:34 - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

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By KelseNM - 14/8/2018 14:30

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

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By notworthit - 23/2/2010 00:53 - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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By Anon. - 7/2/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

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By cortanaisahobot - 19/7/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Hot and… greasy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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By mjbx - 1/1/2012 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 02:37 - United States

Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2017 13:00

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

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By inboxbuddies - 16/6/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 17:10 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

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By J Money - 3/9/2018 04:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

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By catsofly7 - 30/1/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

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By Lifes_a_bust - 8/8/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML

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Top comments

By Miss_Whipped | 42

#6258866 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:36

The wasp liked it, so he wanted to put a wing on it.

Edit: Or a sting on it.

But seriously, thank heavens you're okay.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

COMMENTS

By Charles900 | 16

#6258817 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:09

That's got to hurt. I hope you're not allergic to them, OP.

By MissKangaroo | 23

#6258818 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

Ouch

By WitEluded | 13

#6258819 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:10

You should bee more careful

Mauskau | 35

#6258940 - Saturday 11 April 2015 3:02

I see wasp you did there.

acommonman | 23

#6258968 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:21

wrong insect, man! that ant gonna fly.

WitEluded | 13

#6258969 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:23

Buzz off

PlainWhiteWalls | 20

#6259269 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:05

You sound ticked off.

bsums203 | 13

#6259274 - Saturday 11 April 2015 13:24

I don't think this one was avoidable if she had been more careful.

thecman25 | 14

#6280761 - Sunday 3 May 2015 22:22

That was weak

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258825 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Just don't let it bug you out.

By Cocoapelli | 23

#6258826 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:11

Bad luck like that is hard to swallow.

By ebonyrose2828 | 16

#6258829 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:12

That must really sting!

By fuckercakes | 21

#6258831 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:13

I cringe at the thought

By wakemeupplease | 21

#6258836 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

Sorry but YDI next time cover your mouth when you yawn!!

I_Bite | 22

#6258891 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:28

my grandma used to say "if you don't cover your mouth (when you yawn) you'll let the devil in"
guess she wasn't entirely wrong

XxBunBunxX | 2

#6259000 - Saturday 11 April 2015 4:54

Sometimes things are quick. I was in class barely starting a young I almost had my hand to cover it when I got a spitball spit into my mouth. Within 4 seconds on starting a yawn I ended up choking.

nityasomaiya | 46

#6259239 - Saturday 11 April 2015 11:36

#42 this is FML worthy

By DeathMeat | 16

#6258838 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:17

*If you don't bother them, they won't bother you* My Ass!!!

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258849 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#6258853 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:27

i think he was saying 'my ass' about the saying, like he means the saying is bs because OP didnt bother the wasp

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6258903 - Saturday 11 April 2015 1:43

There's the misunderstanding. All I see is 'My' at the of his comment.
(cut off? idk)

When you add 'ass' his comment actually makes sense.

My apologies.

By mld4657 | 28

#6258842 - Saturday 11 April 2015 0:18

Jeez ouch I sorry op