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Monday 30 December 2013

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Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

by rain1 / 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

by gnafron / 12/31/2013 at 6:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Animals

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

by CatLady / 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

by claubea11 / 01/01/2014 at 12:17am / Puerto Rico / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend found an old nude of me on his best friend's PS3. I had no idea this guy existed until we moved in with him. FML

by thejanamonster / 12/30/2013 at 2:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

by stopstutteringforSiri / 01/05/2014 at 4:59pm / United States / Love

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

by laurenasabutton / 12/30/2013 at 8:07am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Health

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous