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By exposed - 15/03/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 765

You deserved it 35 719

By hurt - 14/03/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 598

You deserved it 2 899

Forever

By fmynote - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 334

You deserved it 29 826

By Crashed - 01/01/2014 18:21 - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 487

You deserved it 5 346

Pleased to meet you

By Noname - 16/02/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I went in for my second day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was about the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 497

You deserved it 76 795

Classic

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 00:00

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 1 488

By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 382

You deserved it 3 157

Boozehound

By fuck you mom - 17/04/2020 20:00

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 188

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 168

You deserved it 7 788

By ruffrider - 05/02/2009 14:09 - United States

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 732

You deserved it 65 474

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 134

I want to smell feet

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 14:01

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 166

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 039

You deserved it 52 183

By prdept. - 09/03/2011 17:12 - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 243

You deserved it 20 520

By JazzSpazz - 11/08/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 934

You deserved it 24 156

Harshing my buzz

By why... - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life when she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 590

You deserved it 3 212

By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 414

You deserved it 7 601

By filipkm - 28/04/2016 22:04 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I learned that you should always check the inside of your guitar to avoid a snake bite. Nope, strings don't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 623

You deserved it 846

By taiannalynn5 - 02/03/2011 23:43

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 040

You deserved it 7 786

Sharing is caring

By goin4broke - 07/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 6 970

Thanks for the input

By SBCR - 07/12/2012 06:01 - United States - Ankeny

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 562

You deserved it 3 010

By roadkill - 28/02/2011 15:50 - United States

Today, an old lady hit me with her car, after which she said, "Oh! Not again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 306

You deserved it 2 831

uBlock, mate

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 05:01

Today, my husband has been in a bad mood all week, so I finally demanded to know why. He told me his favourite porn site has suddenly started showing adverts, so now he can’t wank in peace anymore without pop-up ads appearing every 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 251

Toxic workplace

By schnegg - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 097

You deserved it 1 433

By Eganstein - 24/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 950

You deserved it 2 726

Call CPS!

By leovaldez - 22/06/2020 20:08

Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 13:33 - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 427

You deserved it 3 422

Take that

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 151

You deserved it 77 744

Thanks for the input

By NVP - 18/01/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 496

You deserved it 3 821

By tarynfaye - 21/12/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 039

You deserved it 4 856

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The Top

Today, I had emergency surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I'm one of the 0.5% of people who get pregnant after having their tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 106

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 021

You deserved it 2 903

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 804

You deserved it 4 171

Today, I accidentally spoiled the ending of a movie for a group of friends who hadn’t seen it yet. In an attempt to apologize, I blurted out, "At least I didn’t tell you the twist!" They didn't even know that there was a twist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 641

Today, I got a text from an old hook up. I assumed it was a mistake, since we hadn’t spoken in years. She replied that her fiancé just dumped her after finding our old chat log. The last message was 10 years ago, and apparently she has become a prude since then, so now I’m a homewrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 148

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 366