The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 21:39 - United States - Salinas

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 887

You deserved it 4 174

By Alex - 01/03/2019 16:00

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 664

The sweet smell of…

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 14:00

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 961

You deserved it 6 607

By Tootsy_Roll_Pop - 23/05/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 272

You deserved it 23 296

All my fault

By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 309

You deserved it 2 047

Surprise visitor

By walker - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we've been dating for over three months, but I went over my girlfriend's house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 171

You deserved it 4 998

Toniiiiight, I'm a rock n roll staaaaaar

By NotKeithRichards - 06/09/2011 12:07 - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 275

You deserved it 28 709

By Anonymous - 30/03/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 184

Premonition

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a "Get Well Soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 966

You deserved it 2 554

By mee - 11/11/2015 17:10 - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her Facebook relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 1 877

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 179

You deserved it 54 814

By welp, time to become an assassin - 23/06/2013 18:14 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 394

You deserved it 4 688

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 548

You deserved it 13 285

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 05:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 494

You deserved it 197

Thank you for being a friend

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 289

You deserved it 257

By nobrony - 02/07/2012 19:53 - United States - Katonah

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 971

You deserved it 5 499

By nhyari - 25/08/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 199

You deserved it 4 173

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 341

You deserved it 3 324

By phonemenace - 17/08/2011 09:50 - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 825

You deserved it 2 835

By NeedToBeMessier - 17/10/2015 21:32 - United States - Hardwick

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 1 660

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 39 366

By ksmith - 09/08/2011 04:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 996

You deserved it 5 251

By ddriver100 - 05/06/2019 18:00

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 829

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, trying to make my 6 year-old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "Toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say, "Daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 109

You deserved it 50 289

By purpletrout - 30/11/2016 06:39 - United States - Lansing

Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 445

You deserved it 1 140

By illuminatzi - 03/10/2015 02:32 - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 486

You deserved it 6 031

By Mindersss - 01/10/2015 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I started my new job. Not even 2 hours in did some old man ask me where I live, what's my number, and if I was interested in being with him and his friends. This guy is at least over 50 and works with me. I left my old job because some old men kept asking the same things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 570

You deserved it 2 215

Mindersss tells us more.

Mindersss 20

Friday 2 October 2015 12:38

Hey! wow this was actually posted. I work in an apprentice, I do business and admin. I am only 19 years old. I have taken it up with my office manager and HR. These guys are just creeps and have been told to stay away from me. For those who say "well you must be doing something" I am not. I dress in jeans and a top, nothing is on show, and even if it was, it does not give them the right to ask where I live and that. I have never given out where I live. I actually have a boyfriend, and if they ask me out, I do tell them, but even if I was single it is none of their business. Thank you to everyone who did back me up, and to those who are saying I must be doing something, please just leave, I do not have time for your comments. I am not to blame here, the guy was, he is married, (could tell from the ring on his finger) and if he has kids, he should be so ashamed! I am only 19!

By Anonymous - 23/06/2019 20:30

Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 151

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Curaçao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 374

You deserved it 3 467

By whattdafuuukkkk - 05/06/2012 11:56 - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 469

You deserved it 6 602

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Cheating Babies Love Surprise Health Gross Poopoo peepee Transportation Weird Awkward Facebook Paranoia Jealousy Embarrassing Cute Sexism Painful Birthday Insects Miscellaneous Vacation Food Television TV shows Money Bosses Work Public freakouts Cops Fight

The Top

Today, I found out that my partner of 18 years has officially decided that our physical relationship is over. We hadn’t been intimate since my youngest was conceived 5 years ago. I had always held out hope that it would come again, but now I have been told it’s over and I’m at a loss at what to do. I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 84

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 642

You deserved it 4 098

Random

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 925

You deserved it 1 466

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 624

You deserved it 3 595

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 3 531

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 043

You deserved it 46 836

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 727

You deserved it 573

Today, I walked into a concert that I've been waiting months for. Immediately after passing through the doors, I was accused of sneaking in and thrown out. They wouldn't even look at my ticket, or the hand stamp they'd given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 89