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From the poster: I fully expected to a lot of "you deserved it" I just thought it was too funny not to share with the world. Yes, I was talking about petting an actual feline. No, I do not talk to myself while masturbating or have regular conversations with the cat. My neighbor's porch is a couple feet from my window and I can hear all of their conversations too. I am dating someone and have gotten laid recently. I think it is hilarious they put it in the "intimacy" section.

Not your fault

By Steve - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to a customer how our hotel charged his card, even though he has never stayed with us. Apparently his wife is a regular customer. I can't help but feel like a homewrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 370

You deserved it 2 405

RIP it up and start again

By A girl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 294

You deserved it 4 649

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 176

You deserved it 4 251

By nofooddrinkorsex - 25/08/2019 22:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 276

Close shave

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 02:00 - United States - Bisbee

Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 460

By vivelawank - 10/05/2014 20:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 667

You deserved it 60 268

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 719

You deserved it 29 912

Stickler for details

By notagyno - 29/03/2013 14:19 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I realized how badly medical education has ruined me when I couldn't enjoy erotic literature because of one subtle anatomy mistake the author made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 904

You deserved it 9 142

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 436

You deserved it 15 762

By Quackadoodledoo - 24/04/2014 02:21 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 208

You deserved it 5 406

By bride - 27/03/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134 047

You deserved it 10 309

By toilet_trouble - 19/04/2014 07:44 - United States

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 369

You deserved it 4 647

toilet_trouble tells us more.

toilet_trouble 5

Monday 21 April 2014 9:49

Hi. Some of your comments really made me laugh! So, it surprised me I heard him because I've never heard anything other than a vacuum or water in the pipes. This just made me aware he can probably hear a lot more than I previously thought.. Luckily I don't have loud bathroom trips often. I definitely regretted the super loud fart I ripped about 5 minutes prior to hearing him though. :p Anyway, neighbor acts cool so all is well!