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By Inconnu - 18/06/2011 05:13 - France

Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 614

You deserved it 3 869

By paulinapo - 28/03/2013 13:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 397

You deserved it 2 856

By Imafishyfishy - 27/03/2013 06:47 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 033

You deserved it 2 974

Imafishyfishy tells us more.

Imafishyfishy 11

Wednesday 27 March 2013 19:29

Oh wow! It actually got posted! I'm the OP here, and I'm 19, the reason I'm confused is because when I finished high school he and I were going to move down to Florida together so I could go to college, and I got really sick, so we stayed here. My mom was completely fine with it when we were going to move out of state but now that we're moving to the apartment complex not even a mile away. I asked her for clarification and she told me that I knew what she meant. So I asked my dad, and he told me the same thing. I think they might be screwing with me.

By LadyEars - 08/10/2017 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I went back to my doctor because I had an ear infection in my left ear. Not only do I now have an infection in my right ear as well, I also I have a yeast infection from the antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 226

You deserved it 204

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 493

You deserved it 7 040

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 183

You deserved it 5 017

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 20:00

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 101

Crystal Ball Cat

By FML Approved - 31/10/2017 03:00

Now stop trying to touch my belly and just go away!

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 127

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 039

You deserved it 46 821

Pets 4 life

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 557

You deserved it 10 052

Detective work

By broken vows - 15/03/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 491

You deserved it 4 874

By Venus - 13/03/2014 22:28 - United States - La Crescenta

Today, upon being asked to name all the planets, I had to sing along to a Lady Gaga song in my head to remember them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 246

You deserved it 12 552

By musicaddict - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 396

You deserved it 24 211

By snipsnip - 16/07/2016 01:14

Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 665

You deserved it 1 022

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 177

By poop - 08/03/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 085

You deserved it 22 167

By likearacehorse - 12/02/2013 22:58 - United States - Franklin Lakes

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 633

You deserved it 3 210

Twice error

By rkaneki - 09/11/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 1 518

By Anonymous - 07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 539

You deserved it 4 698

Today, on Asshat Bosses…

By need a job - 24/06/2021 13:02 - United States

Today, I was fired from my cashier job for "abandoning my post." I saw a man pass out in the 100° heat in front of our store and I rushed to give him water. Not to worry though, my manager assured me he wouldn’t press charges for the water I took from the fridge, but I’m still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 111

Stay classy

By chattyloz - 07/02/2013 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 842

You deserved it 39 872

Am I being detained?

By KidJwal - 28/02/2012 17:10 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a cop that the reason I was speeding was because my girlfriend was in the hospital due to a car accident. He was working the accident just ten minutes before and saw me leave behind the ambulance. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 561

You deserved it 6 976

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

By Thescarlettfox - 01/03/2020 21:00

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 1 455

This is wrong

By WTF - 05/09/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 833

You deserved it 3 438

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Username - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 566

You deserved it 3 241

Pay attention

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 659

You deserved it 3 236

Where is this kid now?

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 137

You deserved it 16 953

By ShylaMarie - 14/02/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 549

You deserved it 2 934

By Worried - 16/04/2011 10:59 - Australia

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 965

You deserved it 7 139

Cranking it

By why - 03/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I saw my best friend's car in the parking lot of the store, so I ran over to say hi, since I'm secretly in love with him. I saw him and his girlfriend getting nasty in the back. I'm now at home, crying and masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 666

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 481

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 366

You deserved it 23 650

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 687

You deserved it 55 106

Today, at the age of 36, I had to write up my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 104

Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 016

You deserved it 8 125

Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 284