Life on Nightmare mode

By shitforchris - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks 66 065
You deserved it 12 013

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Top comments

how about you grow a pair and tell her how you feel?

You should have given her a demonstration.


dallasFAN 0


Rasputia 0

Congratulations, that's the biggest achievement of your life :)

dallasFAN 0

wow jeaulous bitch. YALL COULDNT JUST LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OF GLORY??? I don't see how people get mad when people say "first" yall are no fun.

dallasFAN 0


Rasputia 0

BURIED!!!!! :D

dallasFAN 0

Doesn't matter cuz whatever you do i'm still FIRST :D also I like how the same people that are burying(not sure if i spelled that right) my comments are the same ones that would have said "FIRST" had they got here fast enough.

Rasputia 0

I would never say first because what's the point? WHAT IS SO GOD DAMN SPECIAL ABOUT BEING FIRST!? I bet this really is your biggest achievement, how sad =/ LOSER! RASPUTIA WINS!!

dallasFAN 0

lol its funny when people assume things on internet when they don't know me. oh and BTW that movie is not even funny. stupid to make a FML profile of her.

Rasputia 0

I win :D Oh, and BTW....your comment is stupid cause that's not you in your profile pic so fuck off!!

dallasFAN 0

U FAIL for making a FML profile of a fat bitch from a horrible movie. I WIN :D

Rasputia 0

Actually, you fail....according to all the people thumbing you down :) YAY! RASPUTIA ALWAYS WINZ!!!

dallasFAN 0

haha I could care less if my shit gets buried. go ahead and waste your time doing it because that doesn't change the fact that i'm FIIIIIRRRRRSSSSSTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! SUK ON IT BITCHES!!!!!!!! oh BTW i have a pic of kim because she is sexy as hell and any man who is not gay would want 2 fuck da shit outta her!!!

Rasputia 0

WTF are you talking about? You're not first!!! LMAO, you thought you were first!!

dallasFAN 0

huh? maybe your connection is shitty? even if im not REALLY first my computer says im first and that's good enough for me. lol but why did u say that was the biggest accomplishment in my life if im not first?

Rasputia 0

I WAS MAKING FUN OF YOU!! The accomplishment was that you FAILED!!!

dallasFAN 0

this is exactly what you said "Congratulations, that's the biggest achievement of your life :)", wat have u been smokin?

Rasputia 0

I never denied that I said that. Are YOU on drugs or something? You accomplished at failing cause you ARE NOT FIRST!

dallasFAN 0

damn let me guess? speed dial? damn ur computer must be ghetto as hell. it says exactly this. "#1- On 08/20/2009 at 6:19am by dallasFAN -reply" are u on an ipod or iphone? cuz sometimes when im on an ipod it messes the comments up and shit.

Rasputia 0

Speed Dial? WTF is you mean Dial Up? And no, I'm not on Dial Up, my computer is probably a 1000 times better than yours. ANNNNDDDDD, you're still not first. So you still fail for having a crappy computer and bad internet connection. Besides, if I had dial-up, it would take ages to type these comments, and I wouldn't even bother putting up a profile pic, so you fail AGAIN!

how about you grow a pair and tell her how you feel?

youaresofucked 0

couldn't agree more

correction. u CHOSE to give her sex advice. u might as well just been wearing a skirt while giving her advice

Agreed. OP, you didn't "have" to do anything.

Exactly. Either get over it or grow some balls and tell her how you feel. Either way, YDI.

i'm just going to add something to what everyone replying to this post said, "the girl i'm in love with" and all it's variations are overused so much on this site. having a crush on a girl isn't being "in love" with her. there's a big difference between liking/having a crush on and loving someone. "in love with" usually implies that the feeling is mutual. sorry if this comment makes me sound like a dick, but whenever i see a FML that uses the phrase "the girl i'm in love with" or some variation it makes me rage.

That's what you say but I bet you wouldn't do that in real life. She has a freaking boyfriend! He'll most likely be rejected and things will be awkward. Best thing to do is move on, it won't be hard to find another girl.

"you're problem is you are with the wrong guy... Let me show you"

Lanar 0

I actually was in the same position as described, and I told her once before giving her advice and again several months later. The part that sucks is that my feelings haven't changed in 2 years. They've only grown stronger, even though I was denied.

tapesculpture 0

win :D

you shouldn't have told her how to have better sex you should have showed her!

fckinbowdown 0

tell her to suck his dick and then bite down really hard and stick a finger or two in his ass I'm sure her bf will dump her

Ahh I hate when that happens!

134 That's when you bite the bullet and distance yourself from that person. It really sucks, and it really hurts at first, but she's not interested and you are obviously not happy with just being friends. At this point you are just torturing yourself, and believe me, it's a heck of a lot easier to get over someone once you accept that it's not going to happen. I was pining over a guy i went to school with for about two years, and at one point we were even friends with benefits. But eventually i just realized he wasn't interested in anything beyond that, and I stopped seeing him. Now I no longer have feelings for him, and I found someone else. You will too, but you have to force yourself to let her go first. But good on you for having the courage to tell her, that takes guts. And it's a lot easier to make decisions based on a definitive answer.

Rasputia 0

You should have given her bad advice :D It would have been funny if you explained all this using barbies and action figures. lol

If you gave her bad advice, she'd never wanna have sex with you! You fool, He shoulda' just offered a more hands on description,

Antivirus_fml 0

Fuck you! @mods Please ban dallasFAN & Rasputia, Sincerely, A member of FML

Rasputia 0

I thought you liked me? :(

Rasputia 0

@35.....I'm still not banned =P

goodtimesx2 0

yeah dont be such a puss and ask her out for a change.

LOL, yes bad mouthing someone who can delete your posts = fail

F_fatchick_lives 0

Lol, I agree. Highschool realtionships always sucks.

Ox_Baker 0

Fuck all this nonsense about telling her how you feel. That's what women do. Men talk about sex with the girl nonstop, and catch her on the rebound for an easy lay, and dump her ass to find someone else.

Lanar 0

Heh perfect answer, I'd say.

You didn't HAVE to

Move on, find someone else, your love for her is blinding you to other amazing women out there. You're a kid, there will be others, and better ones.

at least she likes you enough to ask you something like that.

tpm45 25

Yeah, but at least he wasn't an ass about it. Quite a few people would have been selfish and lied in a similar situation. Yay for being a good person, OP.

You should have given her a demonstration.

exactly. like: "wait, let me show it to you..."

Jakester 0

haha exactly what Im thinking!!

"here get down i'll show u"

And exactly how many relationships have YOU had? The only way to have had a lot of relationships... is to have been really sorry at developing or keeping a single one. So much for your insight and unsolicited advice you retarded douche bag.

That is some pretty stellar advice, but to just give you a heads up, she does know that I do have feelings for her, and to some people who think its just a highschool crush, its not. Hahaha. I do know that if I ever hope for something to happen I am in for the long haul, and I'm going to have to suck it up. I'm only trying to do the right thing by letting her be happy. Which by the sounds of it, is a stupid move to some of these guys. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my friendship/chances with being with her because I care so much.

@113 you're a dumbfuck. That's not gonna work... unless you were being sarcastic since when has "sucking it up" led anywhere? @116 and OP: Lemme tell you something. To quote Doc Love, "unless she likes you, there's no hope" and right now it is obvious that you are a girlfriend to her, and NOT boyfriend material. "Chances with being with her?" - that chance is zip zilch ZERO buddy, you're wasting your precious time! Tell you what: Picture her getting laid HARD by her bf... picture her putting your advice to use, moaning hard as she is being fucked to the nth degree.. by someone else. Picture how fuckin pathetic you are that your sperm could be all over her but instead this other bastard gets to cum on her. Picture how you "might," I mean *won't* get her until after this douchebag's finished with her... that's right. Don't fuckin think about her unless you drink in that picture of her in the bedroom that night... that's right drink it in fully. Now slap yourself in the fucking face with your dick, and realize that you gotta move on and forward, because she's just holding you back. You sound like a pussy - and what do pussies not do? Fuck... instead, they get fucked by dicks AND assholes and that's your role in the hierarchy right now.

#115 just to answer your question. I am currently on girlfriend number 11. Not very proud of the large number but I have commitment issues so yeah. its not that i suck at relationships, in fact, I could be classified as a player, I know how to work the system and make almost any girl fall for me if i have enough time(i'm not bragging, I'm just saying what other people have told me). I tend to Girlfriend hop. As for the sucking it up and waiting it out. What good would it do if he started telling her over and over again how he feels. It would just screw things up and thus actually making the chance zero. A slim chance is not zero and as long as he stays friends with her, he will always have a slim chance. I know this for a fact. I have been in a very similar situation before. Guess what, eventually we decided to give it a try and it didn't really work out.... BUT because i had been such a great friend before we dated, that girl is still my best friend to this day. #119 I'm a dumbfuck? who's the one who just insulted the other over the computer. Not me. I gave the guy good advice. I gave him advice from an optimistic view point. One of the few who did... and I'm the dumb fuck? is it really that bad to have hope in something and be willing to try for it? How many relationships have you had? and no, you hand doesn't count. I again make a living out of this stuff and am damn good at it if i say so myself. Sure I'm not always right, sure it doesn't always work out. But I don't try to makeit so it works out. I give them the best advice and if he wants to stay her friend and keep the tiny chance he still has. TELLING HER HOW HE FEELS EVERY FUCKING DAY WOULD NOT BE THE WAY TO GO. OP. I'm glad you are seeing the siduation like that. Right now, the best thing you can do is be her friend. If its meant to be, itwill happen. If not then well at least you are still her best friend. Don't listen to most of these people because most of them will end up alone in a trailer park because their wife left them. THeir 19 year old gf dumped them. and their fuck buddies found someone better. Like most of the male race, it doesn't seem worth it unless you can fuck the girl. Now do those relationships built on that premise ever really last? there is a slim chance that one will but it is likely not to happen. Make sure not to obsess over her and be prepared to move on if it comes down to it. But again, for the sake of the relationship. Just be the best friend she can have... Good luck. Feel free to PM me for any other questions, free from the eyes and thoughts of the inbreeds that reside in this world. I'm open to help.

Kate1453 6

He could have give one good thought!!

It's just three little words... Get - Over -It

ohdarling14 0

Here are 3 little words for you -You're . An . Asshole -

No you didn't. You CHOSE to tell her, dumbass. Nobody forced you.

You fucked my dog! WTF!

YOU are such a little boy fucking retard to tell her.