Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you...

Hey all! OP here. I just a wanted to clear a few things up. I know the wording may have been confusing and given you all the wrong image. When I said that she'd embarrass me by singing in public, I literally meant singing. To me. About me. In public. Loudly. Like not even a real song. But when I read over it when it got published, it sounded to me like people could interpret it like she would sing karaoke or something. Anyways it only lasted a minute or so so it wasn't that bad, but we did get some stares. And for those comments saying to live a little, I don't sing or dance in public as a personal rule because I'm not any good at either. Anyways thanks to the moderators for publishing this and I will see you guys around on this awesome website :)

Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Stop talking!

Great parenting, dude

20/03/2009 21:03

Today, I decided I would tell my mom I'm not going to marry my fiancé because it just didn't feel right, only to walk into my own surprise engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 609

You deserved it 9 508

29/01/2010 15:29

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 542

You deserved it 3 615

18/01/2009 00:52

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 333

You deserved it 2 169

Broke

By PinChi - 31/08/2021 21:01

Today, I found out that my wife's OnlyFans account is the only thing keeping us solvent. Also, that my wife has an OnlyFans account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 191

14/06/2011 10:04

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 562

You deserved it 53 332

27/09/2013 19:08

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 851

You deserved it 4 407

27/12/2011 17:58

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 654

You deserved it 50 193

That's nuts

By shbaxter - 16/03/2020 06:00

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 90

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 01/02/2017 05:00

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 120

You deserved it 5 068

29/01/2015 18:32

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 2 842

04/09/2015 17:01

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 185

You deserved it 2 877

03/06/2019 20:00

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 109

19/11/2015 22:10

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 925

You deserved it 2 288

07/03/2010 01:17

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 568

You deserved it 27 970

19/06/2009 17:52

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 101

You deserved it 5 514

The pandemic is far from over

By Nico - 01/08/2021 01:01

Today, I have a friend who has consumed almost every known drug in our country, but refuses to get the Covid vaccine, claiming that, "it contains the 5G, and I won't let them control me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 125

16/12/2008 03:58

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 008

You deserved it 34 981

My pleasure

By billjoebob424 - 07/02/2020 01:00

Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 689

22/07/2009 17:13

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 128

You deserved it 17 481

31/10/2013 23:18

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 307

You deserved it 12 529

17/02/2011 17:29

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 700

You deserved it 37 618

27/08/2011 23:06

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 3 051

11/02/2010 05:13

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 771

You deserved it 5 601

17/07/2015 23:04

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 664

You deserved it 3 440

10/07/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 077

You deserved it 1 053

18/11/2009 19:52

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 116

You deserved it 3 291

30/07/2019 02:00

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 355

13/05/2019 22:00

Today, I drove my truck into the garage for a couple of minor repairs. It was returned on a flatbed with a blown engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 94

Never enough

By Discostu80 - 06/06/2009 10:24

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes' ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 6 923

What about me?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 14:00

Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 132

30/01/2017 20:00

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 251

You deserved it 777

01/12/2016 09:41

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 472

You deserved it 2 198

Graded

By df22 - 03/07/2020 20:08

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 131

Possession

By Katelyn_Louise - 01/05/2021 10:01

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 759

23/07/2019 17:00

Today, I came out to my parents. My mom and dad think that I'm lying, just so I could "fit in" with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 312

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 475

10/08/2010 07:22

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 304

You deserved it 9 315

31/12/2011 08:44

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 518

You deserved it 6 626

28/04/2011 04:04

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 431

You deserved it 29 726

22/04/2013 07:19

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 195

You deserved it 126 045

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Top comments

rockne93 17

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:36

Live a little OP

paigexox0 37

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:37

If my mom was that awesome id probably join her

Comments

rockne93 17

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:36

Live a little OP

Sports_guy3 28

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:49

Someone's too full of themself. YDI OP.

Sports_guy3 28

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:56

^^^Trying to add to my comment above, but I ran out of time. OP's too full of themself. Only dare a friend. Going through all what that she did to have you grow up this way is hell for your mother. Of course she'd do it. She'll just put the blame on you instead of herself.

ItalianChaos 14

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Sunday 8 December 2013 14:51

My mom does the same thing all the time. I've learned to just sing with her.

JMichael 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 15:17

@ 14- I don't think anyone understood half of that

LanceGoodthrust 19

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Sunday 8 December 2013 20:20

I think #14 is the OP's mother

Lacist 19

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Sunday 8 December 2013 20:33

#14 Sounds ignorant and irrelevant haha, no one needs a lecture you can barely understand.

hunts19ketchup 23

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Sunday 8 December 2013 22:09

#14 Uhm...what? I wan't aware that you knew the OP and his/her mother

jazzy_123 20

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Sunday 8 December 2013 22:21

14, you were better off when you DIDN'T try adding to your comment..

ballplaya52 10

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Tuesday 10 December 2013 13:38

I have been told this a lot but it's just not in my personality :)

qwtf 14

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:37

Yeah.... Not a smart move on your part lol learned that the hard way. YDI OP

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 13:20

OP, you should have joined in. Turn an FML into a "love my life".

tchoslik 7

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:37

Lol at least she is happy

ItsAUnicorn 27

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Sunday 8 December 2013 13:06

Parents love to 'sing', you should've known that..

paigexox0 37

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Sunday 8 December 2013 12:37

If my mom was that awesome id probably join her

SammyS2012 21

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Sunday 8 December 2013 18:37

right? whats an FML about this? my mom and i sing together when we're out. some people stare, some smile, others dont care. we are having fun so we dont care what people think