By Anonymous

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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Taking stock

Another great day to be alive

Own it

By failure461 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

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By Jules - 25/4/2021 00:30

Get your vaccinations if you can

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crowley

Today, I found out that my boyfriend paid a guy to tell me he was dead. FML

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By Michael - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

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By ItsFunnyNow - United States

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

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By Clare - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

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By everfresh - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

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By Youdontneed2knowmyname - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Alfreton

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

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By Grrrr! - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Invasion

Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2021 03:59

Under pressure

Today, I became aroused when slight pressure was applied to my throat. I was having an ultrasound done to have my thyroid gland and a lump under my chin looked at by an old male doctor. My mom was present. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML

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By Chris - United States

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

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By no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no - Greece - Athens

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

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By nameless - United Kingdom

Today, I got on a bus that was so overcrowded I had to stand next to the driver with nothing to hang on to. A drunk man got on and for the rest of the half hour journey continuously fell on me, when I got off he smiled and told me as the doors were closing "the last twelve times was for fun." FML

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By dgordo3 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

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By imfucked

Today, I found out the paycheck I deposited on Tuesday bounced. This means that the checks I sent to my landlord, the electric and gas company and my mom will also bounce. When I told my boss, we got into an argument over bank fees and he fired me. I had thumped him, though. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

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By rapturezz - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

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By Tylerdirdin84

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

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By marcy_89

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

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By CorinnenotaplanB

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

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By GrumpyBunny - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

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By Mitch

Today, while reading the newspaper, I noticed that an ad had been placed for my job. I asked my boss for a week off so that I could fly home for my father's funeral. No wonder she was so cool with it. FML

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By Wititipwitpwit - France

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

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By Anyonehiring - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

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By awesome - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

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By SMRT - United States - Chattanooga

Geography for Dummies

Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML

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By Kjer - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

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By My mother-in-law is a Covidiot - 20/4/2021 20:00

These people never learn

Today, I'm at my mother-in-law's funeral, who died of Covid-19. Months before catching the virus, she would claim that, "the entire Covid thang is bullshit" and "people are just behaving like f****ts over a simple flu." FML

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By fatgirl4 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

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By lpspann87 - United States

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

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By heyhijello - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

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Top comments

By Amanda Howard | 9

#7892015 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 19:33

it sucks to be "that person" trust me. just better to be alone

By raven_of_azarath | 34

#7892030 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 20:54

I was that person in a group chat, and I was one of the founding members. I ended up just leaving. Which caused way more drama than it should have. They didn’t care what I had to say, but everyone flipped when I left.

COMMENTS

By Amanda Howard | 9

#7892015 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 19:33

it sucks to be "that person" trust me. just better to be alone

Reply

Chen Zhibang | 8

#7892423 - Thursday 26 March 2020 2:04

Is it a useful conversation? If it is, stay. No point letting your ego get in the way.

By raven_of_azarath | 34

#7892030 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 20:54

I was that person in a group chat, and I was one of the founding members. I ended up just leaving. Which caused way more drama than it should have. They didn’t care what I had to say, but everyone flipped when I left.

By mike3775 | 34

#7892101 - Wednesday 25 March 2020 0:03

Just leave. If it causes drama, ignore it. That’s what I did in that situation, when I was “that person”

By Kelsie Lynn Christensen | 13

#7892135 - Wednesday 25 March 2020 5:55

Mute the convo

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7893486 - Monday 30 March 2020 6:54

You can always send a picture of your boner and they’ll kick you out and won’t stop talking about you for some time

By GalaxyGirl1123_fml | 13

#7894668 - Friday 3 April 2020 10:20

I'm sorry OP. You can still make friends that are better for you, more like you. ;)