Miscellaneous: Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold... - FML

By missmirror - 02/05/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were 'bored'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 600

You deserved it 4 998

Empathy lives

BO Central

Dysfunctional

Neat

By moms know best??? - 27/07/2013 21:41 - Canada - Morinville

Spicy

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 720

You deserved it 4 634

It's all too much

By Ken Solo - 16/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 84

Whine whine whine

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 15:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, it snowed. Rather than enjoy the view, my roommate had to complain every five minutes about the mentally challenged neighbor shovelling snow all day long. As long as he doesn't shovel it into my yard, I really don't care what he does to pass the time in lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 63

By rider - 24/11/2009 10:58 - Qatar

Spicy

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 078

You deserved it 11 403

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 896

You deserved it 2 555

The vigil

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 2 463

You got played

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 22:01

Today, my son-in-law's parents were saying it was a shame our kids are so busy working they have to babysit all day 4 days a week. Me and my wife babysit 3 days a week, which is when we realised our kids have basically tricked us 4 grandparents into raising their baby all week, including weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 176

By screwyoucompany - 19/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had a job interview. I was almost late due to road closure and being blocked in my street by the trash truck. The "interview" turned out to be a hiring fair, with lots of other people. I had to wait outside for 3 hours in the sun with no shade, water or food. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 372

You deserved it 340

By Wellpoo - 02/01/2018 19:00

Today, I started 2018 with a bad case of food poisoning. Not exactly the new year cleanse I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 172

You deserved it 304

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 626

You deserved it 29 381

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 879

You deserved it 3 602

By Stupid Pregnancy Brain - 18/11/2016 13:45

Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 982

You deserved it 1 741

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 225

You deserved it 23 789

By bleurghh - 31/12/2010 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 798

You deserved it 8 820

By Anonymous - 26/06/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 535

You deserved it 51 769

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 467

You deserved it 4 676

By Downanout - 04/05/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I did so horrible during my interview that I didn’t even get a rejection email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 238

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 838

By toomuch - 22/11/2011 09:36 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 248

You deserved it 12 840

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 879

You deserved it 398

By whatajerk - 03/01/2015 03:11 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 121

You deserved it 4 661

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 724

You deserved it 9 031

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 005

You deserved it 3 195

It's maths

By bastawhiz - 18/09/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, a professor approached me in the hall to ask if, since I'm a math major, I could tutor one of her communications majors in a required Calculus course. Apparently the volunteer tutor the school provides "is a complete dumbass." I'm the school's volunteer tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 705

You deserved it 4 469

By dreefsa - 05/02/2012 08:08 - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 2 305

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 16:28 - United States - Belleville

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 735

You deserved it 4 538

By Muchacha22 - 20/06/2016 17:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 263

You deserved it 1 650

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 1 829

By awesomekidsmum - 18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 700

You deserved it 9 100

By anon - 21/06/2014 12:50 - United States - Edison

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 837

You deserved it 4 848

By Anonymous - 21/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 189

You deserved it 3 828

By screwedhousemate - 28/03/2011 11:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 841

You deserved it 4 258

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 91

Dumbasses

By stay in there - 17/04/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 270

By kprice6 - 03/02/2009 22:55 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 33 043

By Widowmaker - 28/11/2012 18:09 - United States - Henderson

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 670

You deserved it 48 506

By What-_- - 25/01/2017 00:00

Today, my roommates keep opening my bedroom door to "let the WiFi out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 395

You deserved it 532

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 14:10 - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 450

You deserved it 888

By lonely - 08/09/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 096

You deserved it 194

By thesitter - 10/05/2009 13:18 - United States

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 253

You deserved it 8 135

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

don't you just love parents? lol

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:05

FMLs like these make me reconsider not having kids. Then I come to my senses and realize aunts can be devilishly awesome too.

Comments

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

don't you just love parents? lol

largefoofighter 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:14

it could've been boiling water... get over it

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:38

You coulda woke up on the roof of Ceasers Palace with no way down and no means of communication

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:54

fun parents are awesome. now, pour flour in your moms hairdryer and some itching powder in your dads shoes and enjoy the show. :)

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:59

I find this a reasonable solution...

RainbowHeadache 2

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:14

At least they only did it once. Mine got me with a squirt bottle every morning for over a month when I was still in school & they wouldn't stop until I got up. Sally *squirt* Sally *squirt* SALLY *squirt* Aggravating as hell. haha

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:19

Yes, you could've awoke underwater wearing cement shoes.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 13:27

awesome parents!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:10

That was ice of them.

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 5:16

^^^^^ hahahahahahahah

lickerassholes 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

lol

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 11:24

wtf?! lol

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 14:10

Just be glad it wasn't piss. lol

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:01

haha, lock your door next time.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 13:57

Not everyone has a lock on their door. Just sayin.

ColdplaySucks 18

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 14:25

For safety reasons, it's not always the best thing to do to lock doors either.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 17:59

yeah. I wasn't allowed to lock my door (only at night) when I was growing up. what if there's a fire?

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 23:56

I wasn't either! Never understood their reasoning for it but all in all it never hurt(:

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:13

me n'either my dad use to say " I need to check on you before I sleep" I guest parent just like checking on there children!

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 5:39

lol. well im allowed to lock my door.

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 14:23

104, that's the other problem. The locks can almost always be opened from the outside, unless it's one of those DIY latch ones drilled to the inside of the door.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:01

hope you let them know paybacks a bitch!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:02

my thoughts exactly!!

sterlingarcher 1

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:05

haha agreed

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 23:55

lol nice picture #6

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Thursday 5 May 2011 2:37

Hey :)

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Friday 28 October 2011 21:49

Do it to them just make sure you use really hot water instead

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:02

They wanted to see your nipples go hard. FYL indeed.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:04

lol. that's funny

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:32

I agree

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Saturday 7 May 2011 6:08

STFU I'd love to have parents like yours!!

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:05

FMLs like these make me reconsider not having kids. Then I come to my senses and realize aunts can be devilishly awesome too.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:35

Why are people voting this person down? No sense of humor...

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Thursday 15 September 2011 20:28

Cause we're kids...

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:06

haha owned

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:07

Well at least it worked.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:10

Haha, more like don't your parents love YOU?!

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 95