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OP here. Firstly for those who automatically assumed my coworker was a male, you've made an ass out of you and supposedly me too. Secondly for those saying that they shouldn't have done the Heimlich maneuver and should have hit me on the back.. You've again made assumptions based on a lack of information. Unfortunately you are limited to the amount of characters your FML can be composed of so I had to leave out details. My coworker she first asked me if I could breathe, when I shook my head no, she gave a few thrusts with her palm to my back between the shoulder blades and when that failed to dislodge the candy she told me she was going to perform the Heimlich maneuver and I nodded and when she did she got it out in the first try thankfully and my ribs I think are still a bit tender from, I'd guess, bruising. And to those that said thankfully I'm alive.. Thanks, I am glad I am too even though cleaning up wasn't something I was glad about!

By Rusty - 12/12/2015 00:49 - United States

Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women were crappy programmers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 197

You deserved it 2 778

By oops... - 03/04/2017 17:57

Today, I found out that the odor-absorbing gel I found a few days ago, of which I'd thoroughly read the instructions for and thought was a deodorant, was actually a bathroom cleaner. I've been using it for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 2 090

By Anonymous - 05/04/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 726

You deserved it 631

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 18:28 - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 639

You deserved it 1 539

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 210

You deserved it 3 972

What did you just say?

By keeks_25 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 251

You deserved it 26 149

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 763

You deserved it 31 602

By ouch - 13/06/2012 16:00 - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 120 329

By JJ - 03/10/2015 07:42 - United States - Irwin

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 4 485

By boyBYE - 16/11/2016 23:30 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 404

You deserved it 966

By RoseTylerTheDoctor - 11/06/2017 06:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 038

You deserved it 453

By myfuturelover - 04/11/2016 03:43 - United States - Big Rapids

Today, it's been three days since I told this guy I liked him and he told me he liked me. It's also been three days since he contacted me. So, I called his phone and I was told by someone that they were attributed that number three days ago. I think it's safe to say the feelings weren't mutual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 826

You deserved it 800

myfuturelover tells us more.

myfuturelover 15

Friday 4 November 2016 18:05

Hey OP here, I'm not sure if this will clear things up because quite frankly I'm confused. We've known each other for a little over a year now. We're supportive of each other and everything. This past weekend our conversation shifted. He pretty much made me admit that I had feelings for him. He wanted me to literally say “I Like You”. He then went on to express his feelings and how he been liked me and etc. Lately we had been snap chatting more than texting. He even had stopped by for a hug before work. He was really trying to prove himself to me. The next day we were snapping each other then all of a sudden he stopped responding. I gave it some time then called his phone number and that's when I was informed someone else now was the owner of that number. There is literally no other way to contact him.