Love: Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his... - FML

By Oblivious - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Family values

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Flip - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

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By Igor - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

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By Confused lesbian - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

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By Christen - United States

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

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By badhairday - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

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By bdjsbskl - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

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By

Today, my ex of 5 years got engaged after 5 months of us "taking a break." FML

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By Fefrank

I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. Today I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

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By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By 1234567898765432 - Canada

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

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By danmarino - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

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By blarp - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

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By LexiBoBexi - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

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By jflac - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

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By Frustrated - United States - Tustin

Nice neighborhood

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

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By justinj360 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML

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By -_- - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

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By Razz - Australia - Lilydale

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

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By future missing person maker person thingy - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

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By - 5/11/2020 23:03

Crashtony Cartano here

Today, my husband sped my car up to 80 in a 30, and almost crashed, which would have killed us both. What did I do to set him off? I played a song he didn't like. FML

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By calamity janet

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

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By john - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

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By loveade11 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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By smh - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

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By James - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

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By unfucked - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

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By beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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By Sl3vin - United States

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

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By hopeless1 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

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By corleon198425 - 13/11/2020 20:08

Face your demons

Today, I finally got a job after months of searching due to Covid. The bad news? It's cleaning dog kennels. I have an extreme fear of animal poop. FML

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By Mightytall

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

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By roadrage - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

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By MistressSuzuka - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

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Top comments

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

COMMENTS

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

Reply

22cute | 17

#2818187 - Monday 4 July 2011 11:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

kasumirock | 13

#3021987 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 13:32

Beau Marie?

Reply

Sammiches | 12

#3410723 - Sunday 9 October 2011 23:00

Alexis?

(don't watch porn like that)

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5103278 - Thursday 1 November 2012 3:59

aurora snow?

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986445 - Thursday 28 July 2011 15:03

how about sunny leone?

Reply

murphdte | 0

#4017470 - Friday 10 February 2012 16:05

She's my fav too

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5112478 - Sunday 4 November 2012 2:10

just imagine OP's kid googling herself. that would be priceless.

Reply

CFB_FRS | 27

#5908396 - Tuesday 8 April 2014 16:04

What about Jordan Carver?

By koolkong94 | 9

#180368 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

One, he's an idiot.

Two, what did you name your daughter then?...wouldn't it sound kinda obvious to somebody who would then in turn point it out to you?

Reply

nitrogirl | 0

#1152377 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 13:32

this will make a great fml when she grows up

Reply

SarahStarzz | 0

#2117358 - Thursday 24 February 2011 7:17

211 agreed lmao

By Kurmen | 0

#180370 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Whats her name ?

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986425 - Thursday 28 July 2011 14:58

Innocence

Reply

4ugu4 | 7

#5180264 - Saturday 24 November 2012 8:16

Tanya Tate.

Reply

zeldagirl77 | 7

#5820513 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 5:47

cinnamon

Reply

alex1022 | 11

#6138709 - Monday 8 December 2014 8:45

Sasha....

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902198 - Thursday 30 April 2020 14:44

Mia

By deliverypenguin | 0

#180372 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

rofl this is hilarious

By iKaite | 0

#180373 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Wow, real smooth. Nice catch, what does he name your dog after, his favourite porn director?

By radiokillaaah | 0

#180374 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Is your daughters name Jenna? hahaha, sorry, but your husband's a jerk.

Reply

Asura09 | 0

#2259758 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:15

jenna as in jenna haze yes?

Reply

miz_kamakazi | 11

#3381161 - Monday 3 October 2011 8:46

Jenna Jameson??

Reply

Simranbgg | 4

#3780862 - Saturday 24 December 2011 10:06

As in Jenna Presley

By manoverboard | 0

#180376 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

What, like...Kandy Kane?
That's a good porn star name.

By the_boss_fml | 0

#180377 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

that's pretty bad. sorry

By 88bellydancer | 0

#180379 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

wow I hope her name wasnt too slutty or else Id say its your fault!

Reply

Goldenberry_fml | 14

#5610926 - Saturday 3 August 2013 7:00

What would a slutty name be?

Reply

owencgray | 10

#5885161 - Saturday 15 March 2014 3:28

Slutbutt McSluttypants would be a very slutty name.