Love: Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his... - FML

By Oblivious - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

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Season finale

Overbearing much?

Teenagers, amirite?

By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Ed Sheeran-lite

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:01

Ring of fire

Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

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By LynzG

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

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By fax4voice3 - 3/3/2021 11:01 - United States - Greenwich

The climate is whack

Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 14:05

Pushover

Today, my in-laws invited themselves to stay at my house for a few days. They live out of state and have been self-quarantining for months. The reason for visiting? So they can throw a party for extended family at our house. Guess who'll end up doing all the work and clean up? FML

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By melmel - United States - Cumming

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By Murlocmurk - United States

Today, at school, I have to do a 45 minute presentation with a girl who has panic attacks so bad that she cries, runs out of the room, and sometimes passes out. This presentation terrifies her and it's a major part of my final grade. FML

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By well then - United States - Forest Park

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

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By LaLa

One nation, under rod

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

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By Kelsey Dynes

Meat Market

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had to examine my abdomen. I'm generally a pretty fit woman. After touching my abdomen, my doctor called me "the perfect specimen" and asked me if I was single because his son is also single. FML

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By whoneedsloveanyway

Swindler's List

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

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By dentinpalevo - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

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By unattractive - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

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By geeb - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

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By Weirdo - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

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By peepeepainter - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By willywonks - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

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By thesockmancometh - United States

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

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By oops.

Today, my wife had a nip-slip. At my family reunion. In front of everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

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By jacked - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

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By piercednipple - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

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By bigbro - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

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By pinkfreak94 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

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By Beast - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

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By Username - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

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By WeightAMinute - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

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By straightasaneedle - Germany

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

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By graham

Very mean

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

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By Thewatcher - Mauritius

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

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By Pregnant - United States

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

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By crackie - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Carmichael

Smelly Finger Nights

Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

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By wray16 - 26/2/2021 21:30 - United States

Love hurts

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

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By no no no - United States - Simi Valley

Game of Nope

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

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Top comments

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

COMMENTS

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

Reply

22cute | 17

#2818187 - Monday 4 July 2011 11:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

kasumirock | 13

#3021987 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 13:32

Beau Marie?

Reply

Sammiches | 12

#3410723 - Sunday 9 October 2011 23:00

Alexis?

(don't watch porn like that)

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5103278 - Thursday 1 November 2012 3:59

aurora snow?

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986445 - Thursday 28 July 2011 15:03

how about sunny leone?

Reply

murphdte | 0

#4017470 - Friday 10 February 2012 16:05

She's my fav too

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5112478 - Sunday 4 November 2012 2:10

just imagine OP's kid googling herself. that would be priceless.

Reply

CFB_FRS | 27

#5908396 - Tuesday 8 April 2014 16:04

What about Jordan Carver?

By koolkong94 | 9

#180368 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

One, he's an idiot.

Two, what did you name your daughter then?...wouldn't it sound kinda obvious to somebody who would then in turn point it out to you?

Reply

nitrogirl | 0

#1152377 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 13:32

this will make a great fml when she grows up

Reply

SarahStarzz | 0

#2117358 - Thursday 24 February 2011 7:17

211 agreed lmao

By Kurmen | 0

#180370 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Whats her name ?

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986425 - Thursday 28 July 2011 14:58

Innocence

Reply

4ugu4 | 7

#5180264 - Saturday 24 November 2012 8:16

Tanya Tate.

Reply

zeldagirl77 | 7

#5820513 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 5:47

cinnamon

Reply

alex1022 | 11

#6138709 - Monday 8 December 2014 8:45

Sasha....

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902198 - Thursday 30 April 2020 14:44

Mia

By deliverypenguin | 0

#180372 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

rofl this is hilarious

By iKaite | 0

#180373 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Wow, real smooth. Nice catch, what does he name your dog after, his favourite porn director?

By radiokillaaah | 0

#180374 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Is your daughters name Jenna? hahaha, sorry, but your husband's a jerk.

Reply

Asura09 | 0

#2259758 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:15

jenna as in jenna haze yes?

Reply

miz_kamakazi | 11

#3381161 - Monday 3 October 2011 8:46

Jenna Jameson??

Reply

Simranbgg | 4

#3780862 - Saturday 24 December 2011 10:06

As in Jenna Presley

By manoverboard | 0

#180376 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

What, like...Kandy Kane?
That's a good porn star name.

By the_boss_fml | 0

#180377 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

that's pretty bad. sorry

By 88bellydancer | 0

#180379 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

wow I hope her name wasnt too slutty or else Id say its your fault!

Reply

Goldenberry_fml | 14

#5610926 - Saturday 3 August 2013 7:00

What would a slutty name be?

Reply

owencgray | 10

#5885161 - Saturday 15 March 2014 3:28

Slutbutt McSluttypants would be a very slutty name.