Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his... - FML

By Oblivious - 8/5/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

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Dad jokes, part 43884

Who's a good boy?

A beautiful truck decoration

By JefferyT - 3/6/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

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By SpaceAstronaut - 28/12/2010 21:42 - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

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By it's sharty time :/ - 2/7/2016 18:45 - United States - Bismarck

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

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By annoyed - 23/9/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

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By CasperTheFriendlyGhost - 14/7/2016 17:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

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By pittmanw - 18/7/2016 02:54 - United States - Jackson

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML

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By bethany - 3/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

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By Nosexytime - 14/1/2010 15:56 - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

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By lyssamarie316 - 1/10/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

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By stoopidpoop - 5/2/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

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By shakira, when the walls fell - 23/10/2015 18:56 - Canada

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML

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By nevercatchabreak - 31/8/2013 08:16 - United States - Burgettstown

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 20:48 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because a coworker had seen me reading magazines on the job. That same coworker was the one who offered me the magazine. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 22:02

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

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By anon - 21/11/2012 19:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2015 18:05 - United States - Mankato

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

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By Omydayz - 29/3/2016 23:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

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By Clumsy - 8/9/2016 12:06 - United States - Millville

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

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By sucker - 7/9/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By thegoalie - 16/9/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Yoga for Dummies

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

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By YEEYEE517 - 3/9/2019 22:00

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

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By TabbyCat87 - 13/1/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

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By LetItRip - 12/7/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

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By jshi8 - 4/8/2011 14:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

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By scheisse - 14/7/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

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By bad_luck - 31/12/2011 15:51 - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

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By James - 8/2/2016 22:55 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

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By Nicole - 13/3/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 08:25

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

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By Metallurge - 13/3/2015 03:02 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

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By lonely - 24/10/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

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By yeshehaspornaddiction - 2/7/2013 04:37 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

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By booo - 27/7/2012 17:46 - United States - Minden

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

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By scarlet - 9/5/2011 15:02 - Canada

Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML

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Top comments

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

Comments

By smashitup | 0

#180358 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:24

he's a keeper.

Reply

22cute | 17

#2818187 - Monday 4 July 2011 11:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

kasumirock | 13

#3021987 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 13:32

Beau Marie?

Reply

Sammiches | 12

#3410723 - Sunday 9 October 2011 23:00

Alexis?

(don't watch porn like that)

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5103278 - Thursday 1 November 2012 3:59

aurora snow?

By fyourl | 0

#180365 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:25

I think I'll name my daughter Raven Riley.

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986445 - Thursday 28 July 2011 15:03

how about sunny leone?

Reply

murphdte | 0

#4017470 - Friday 10 February 2012 16:05

She's my fav too

Reply

guyfawke | 5

#5112478 - Sunday 4 November 2012 2:10

just imagine OP's kid googling herself. that would be priceless.

Reply

CFB_FRS | 27

#5908396 - Tuesday 8 April 2014 16:04

What about Jordan Carver?

By koolkong94 | 9

#180368 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

One, he's an idiot.

Two, what did you name your daughter then?...wouldn't it sound kinda obvious to somebody who would then in turn point it out to you?

Reply

nitrogirl | 0

#1152377 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 13:32

this will make a great fml when she grows up

Reply

SarahStarzz | 0

#2117358 - Thursday 24 February 2011 7:17

211 agreed lmao

By Kurmen | 0

#180370 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Whats her name ?

Reply

rmeyer6 | 0

#2986425 - Thursday 28 July 2011 14:58

Innocence

Reply

4ugu4 | 7

#5180264 - Saturday 24 November 2012 8:16

Tanya Tate.

Reply

zeldagirl77 | 7

#5820513 - Wednesday 8 January 2014 5:47

cinnamon

Reply

alex1022 | 11

#6138709 - Monday 8 December 2014 8:45

Sasha....

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902198 - Thursday 30 April 2020 14:44

Mia

By deliverypenguin | 0

#180372 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

rofl this is hilarious

By iKaite | 0

#180373 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Wow, real smooth. Nice catch, what does he name your dog after, his favourite porn director?

By radiokillaaah | 0

#180374 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:26

Is your daughters name Jenna? hahaha, sorry, but your husband's a jerk.

Reply

Asura09 | 0

#2259758 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 6:15

jenna as in jenna haze yes?

Reply

miz_kamakazi | 11

#3381161 - Monday 3 October 2011 8:46

Jenna Jameson??

Reply

Simranbgg | 4

#3780862 - Saturday 24 December 2011 10:06

As in Jenna Presley

By manoverboard | 0

#180376 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

What, like...Kandy Kane?
That's a good porn star name.

By the_boss_fml | 0

#180377 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

that's pretty bad. sorry

By 88bellydancer | 0

#180379 - Friday 8 May 2009 23:27

wow I hope her name wasnt too slutty or else Id say its your fault!

Reply

Goldenberry_fml | 14

#5610926 - Saturday 3 August 2013 7:00

What would a slutty name be?

Reply

owencgray | 10

#5885161 - Saturday 15 March 2014 3:28

Slutbutt McSluttypants would be a very slutty name.