Animals: Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

By Ctmusher

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

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Animals

Rock, hard place

Catch 22

Sensitive

By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

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10835

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1527

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By izoliv - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

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38590

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By tired - United States - Boston

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

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34484

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3775

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By CzechMeOut - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

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41336

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3633

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By neverbeensurprised - United States

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

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19119

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47116

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By Lost - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

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52457

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2593

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By ForgottenAgain - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

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31419

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3912

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By zuut - Australia

Today, I logged on to Facebook for the first time in nine days. No new notifications. FML

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25181

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31063

You deserved it

1912

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By gedderdunn - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

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37063

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7739

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By fartz - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

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48429

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By Simms - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

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22448

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6437

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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13538

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27868

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By DramaQueen - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

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12796

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62639

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By heresmybellybotton - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

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54803

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3650

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was perusing old photos with my mother, I found one of her with a "childhood friend" at her wedding to my dad. Now I know where my green eyes and blotchy neck birthmark came from, and it's not from the man I’ve been calling "dad" for 40 years. FML

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5735

You deserved it

255

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By nothing - United States

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

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28829

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63659

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By Toomuchisoutofcontrol

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

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6395

You deserved it

977

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By fritzile - United States - Chandler

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

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22039

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1323

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By xxx - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

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21110

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By allidoiswrkwrkwrknomttrwht - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Stay at home

Today, I found out my request to have off on Thanksgiving for the first time in 6 years was denied, because I work the evening shift every year on Thanksgiving and that's convenient for everyone else. FML

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12600

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799

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By mareda - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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38925

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By marie - 2/12/2020 23:02 - United States - San Jose

Gamers rise up

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

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816

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131

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By nightput - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

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12418

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28608

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By donezo - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

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45320

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3715

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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23312

You deserved it

7379

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

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18718

You deserved it

32132

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By FailedSniper - United States

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

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15111

You deserved it

53546

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

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45984

You deserved it

4518

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35984

You deserved it

4968

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By BroadwayBaby1997 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

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9332

You deserved it

2544

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By thanks iphone - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

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22980

You deserved it

3726

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By Vac - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML

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59479

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2021 14:01

Watch out for them slappers

Today, my medium-sized poxer dog was sitting on my lap. He shook his head, managing to slap me in the face with his ears three times. FML

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529

You deserved it

242

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

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15153

You deserved it

37123

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By clueless - Canada

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

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42943

You deserved it

3147

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58980

You deserved it

2602

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02

Awkward

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

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768

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262

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By ertyo - Romania - Oradea

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7655

You deserved it

941

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

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33746

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Top comments

By whatshername?! | 38

#7438909 - Friday 14 April 2017 16:09

fuck the woodchucks life would be more appropriate...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7438930 - Friday 14 April 2017 17:01

How many dogs would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck dogs?

Four.

COMMENTS

By whatshername?! | 38

#7438909 - Friday 14 April 2017 16:09

fuck the woodchucks life would be more appropriate...

thesmeagol | 22

#7438918 - Friday 14 April 2017 16:30

I dont think it has a life to fuck anymore

By RichardPencil | 30

#7438930 - Friday 14 April 2017 17:01

How many dogs would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck dogs?

Four.

By PorchKitty | 16

#7438969 - Friday 14 April 2017 18:44

Poor Chuck. :(

By bonehead69 | 15

#7439008 - Friday 14 April 2017 19:58

damn that's some funny shit lmao

By species4872 | 19

#7439021 - Friday 14 April 2017 20:21

That's priceless. Did the woodchuck sleigh them?

By Justin Brickley | 8

#7439041 - Friday 14 April 2017 21:16

How much wood could a dead woodchuck chuck if a dead woodchuck could chuck wood?

By Selene1090 | 26

#7439066 - Friday 14 April 2017 22:28

My mom's dogs have played tug of war with my brother's cat once...
I completely understand how you feel

By Dark_Cecilia | 20

#7439090 - Friday 14 April 2017 23:47

Well... I guess the woodchuck can't chuck wood anymore.

By GIJoefan | 6

#7439099 - Saturday 15 April 2017 0:03

Fuck that woodchuck's life.

By False_Stupidity | 41

#7439110 - Saturday 15 April 2017 0:13

I guess that woodchuck wont be chucking any more wood.