Intimacy: Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing... - FML

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 005

You deserved it 1 709

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

By comics over coatis - 04/04/2017 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 373

You deserved it 2 543

By ohno - 10/03/2010 11:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 343

You deserved it 29 644

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 4 256

Effective

By Nublet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 5 559

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 926

You deserved it 14 575

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Spicy

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 680

You deserved it 18 627

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 711

You deserved it 8 488

By SecondBest,IGuess - 30/04/2013 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 471

You deserved it 16 431

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 179

You deserved it 14 269

By disney_dick - 08/01/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 949

You deserved it 2 027

Next

Top comments

ThrottleJockey 35

Thursday 12 January 2017 4:08

Well... have you seen it?

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 15 January 2017 18:27

You were doing a great 'job. The ******* scene in Kung Fu Panda 3 is hotter than most live-action ****. Spoiler Alert!

Comments

ThrottleJockey 35

Thursday 12 January 2017 4:08

Well... have you seen it?

ibra5428 0

Sunday 15 January 2017 21:24

????

FrozenMusic 26

Sunday 15 January 2017 18:13

He's a keeper

dancingwell 0

Sunday 15 January 2017 18:27

You deserved it. You deserve to see Kung fu panda 3. Awesome movie!

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 15 January 2017 18:27

You were doing a great 'job. The ******* scene in Kung Fu Panda 3 is hotter than most live-action ****. Spoiler Alert!

daveshira 3

Saturday 21 January 2017 8:39

Not all heroes wear capes

meganblowe 1

Sunday 15 January 2017 19:59

<p> So was it good? The movie, not the ********.</p>

RememberSchlitz 9

Sunday 15 January 2017 20:24

<p>You were doing fine - he's just trying to last longer.  It used to be that guys would think about baseball.  Now it's Kung Fu Panda 3.  Times change, ******** are ever awesome.</p>

catdog414 11

Sunday 15 January 2017 22:12

Well that situation 'blows'

ismedrage 17

Monday 16 January 2017 0:48

Why are almost all the FML's about gay people

Allornone 35

Monday 16 January 2017 13:30

why do you care?

cootiequeen4444 11

Tuesday 17 January 2017 4:50

because gay people are submitting a lot of FMLs that are accepted. that's why. not exactly rocket attorney, M.D., stuff.

jadums 5

Monday 16 January 2017 1:13

Lol. That's how guys think. Not a big deal.

geniusness 6

Monday 16 January 2017 6:22

<p>Which style were you doing? Tiger? Monkey? Crane? Oogway - I bet you were doing Oogway.</p>

Keywords

Animals Scary Work Coffee Geek Fire Awkward Cheating Scams Love Break-ups Sex Intimacy Health Relatable Alcohol Family AITA Wake up Miscellaneous Dad jokes Dentist Customers Annoying Food Kids Nepotism Ableism Vacation Capitalism

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 080

You deserved it 14 833

Today, I went into a store for an interview. I've had several places wanting to talk to me and this job was a lot lower paying. I got a little cocky and when offered the job, I said I wanted some time to finish my other interviews first and see what my options were. The manager then took back his offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 721

You deserved it 27 638

The Top

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 421

Today, I realized that there are only two things that make me stay with my current girlfriend: the sex and her Nintendo Switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 1 519

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 2 982

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 708

You deserved it 6 235

Today, I was watching The Omen with my father. A little bit into the movie my dad turned to me and said, "Wow, you really looked like that Damien kid when you were little." Apparently I strangely resemble the anti-christ, and I am a teenage girl. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 528

You deserved it 4 729

Today, I received a message saying that tomorrow's plans are cancelled. I spent the whole week preparing for it, and now because of ONE person who isn't able to make it, all my efforts are gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 93