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By Crog - 11/02/2009 11:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 836

You deserved it 31 829

Overreaction

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 16:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend but she refused. Why? Because instead of asking her, “Will you marry me?” I asked her to “be my wife.” She flew off the handle because “my wife” suggests she would be mine, like ownership, like domestic slavery. I don’t want to marry her anymore; she’s nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 214

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 2 257

By greattt - 10/02/2009 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 199

You deserved it 3 864

By shortiem - 06/03/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 728

You deserved it 4 836

By not-religious - 17/12/2013 09:16 - United States

Today, my grandma came over for the holidays. She tried explaining how Santa is actually Christ reincarnated, giving presents to all the good little Christian boys and girls. She'll be staying all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 358

You deserved it 5 177

To catch a perv'

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 19:05 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 509

You deserved it 12 026

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 254

Murder scene

By Anonymous - 11/03/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Greenwich

Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 358

Great guy

By Uglee - 16/09/2025 03:00

Today, I asked out a guy after having feelings for him for more than a year now. He told me, “Ugh, if only I could take your personality and put it on a different face and body.” When I asked him, “Why, is just my personality not enough?” He responded, “You can’t really have sex with a personality.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 155

By FuckMyEyes - 26/12/2012 01:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 806

You deserved it 8 247

Tasty

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 205

Father figure

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 22:00

Today, my dad has indoctrinated my boyfriend into anime. He'd never heard of anime before but now, as soon as he gets home from work, he and dad sit to watch episodes together while ignoring me. It’s gotten so bad I haven’t had sex in two weeks because my boyfriend comes to bed too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 324

By Uh oh... - 19/03/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years and I broke up. Earlier, we scheduled our classes for senior year to match perfectly. Can't wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 361

You deserved it 39 485

By smallpaycheck - 16/08/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 069

You deserved it 4 073

Self diagnosed

By ADayAtATime - 16/03/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I proved my doctor wrong. I've been having difficulty breathing for 3 months. When it started, she said it was anxiety. I knew that wasn't the case, but I did what she said. A few weeks later, I told her during a follow-up that I thought it might be my phrenic nerve. She laughed. The physio confirmed it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 111

By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - 09/12/2013 05:52 - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 782

You deserved it 7 913

Thanks, I hate it!

By thebabysitter - 14/08/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 037

You deserved it 5 359

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 423

You deserved it 9 067

By apple - 28/02/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 32 239

Chainsaw

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after a very poor night's sleep, I've had to stay awake and do housework while my husband, who slept like a baby last night, keeps on sleeping because he "didn't sleep well." He was snoring all night long, the reason I didn't sleep well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 21:51 - United States

Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 671

You deserved it 4 218

My boss, the shitgibbon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 17:59 - United States - Steele

Today, my 17-year-old, clinically depressed son was having terrible anxiety about the first day of school tomorrow. I tried to be a good parent, so I took the day off to console him. That proved to be a bad idea, because apparently, putting your son's mental health first is a valid reason for your boss to fire you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 233

Why so serious?

By Cynic - 15/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I've come to accept that no matter how black-and-white an issue is, someone will always side with the obviously wrong point of view and take themselves 100% seriously while doing it. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 443

By Tom - 10/03/2011 11:09

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 285

You deserved it 3 592

By elmangy - 11/08/2009 16:58 - United States

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 5 979

By J.D. - 01/12/2013 12:43 - Australia - Exeter

Today, I found on Facebook that my best friend of 10 years is getting married next week. I'm guessing my invite got lost in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 244

You deserved it 3 551

I'm bad at confrontation

By Trippy Penguin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 199

You deserved it 48 164

By holy sleet - 29/11/2013 21:49 - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 41 791

By thenotsomanlyman - 07/03/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high-pitched voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 700

You deserved it 41 709

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The Top

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 610

You deserved it 6 787

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 941

You deserved it 9 923

Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 205

You deserved it 7 003

Today, I received an invitation to my ex’s wedding. We were dating for three years and just broke up four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 142

You deserved it 231

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 207

Today, my eleven-year-old daughter complained that she has "no serotonin.” I fear what is to come for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 200