Miscellaneous: Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to... - FML

17/05/2013 09:25 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 128

You deserved it 3 316

Vulture

The smell detective is on the case

Whackjobs 'R Us

Big Muff Fuzz

By Fartagirl - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was using the restroom at school. What I thought was going to be just peeing turned into a humongous fart that echoed in the toilet bowl. Already embarrassed, I opened the door to leave. Two girls, who obviously heard, were giggling and saying, “It’s always the fat bitches.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 127

18/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 402

You deserved it 13 957

29/01/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 342

You deserved it 714

10/09/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 912

You deserved it 798

24/11/2012 11:54 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 5 277

28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 018

You deserved it 6 603

15/02/2012 14:18 - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 041

You deserved it 25 108

13/05/2011 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 085

You deserved it 3 642

12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 4 651

17/07/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 471

You deserved it 5 400

Slow

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58

Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am. But admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 78

07/02/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 2 211

10/08/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 423

You deserved it 3 670

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

By Sheila Deville - 24/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 190

29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 980

You deserved it 288

30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 684

You deserved it 5 291

30/06/2012 12:48

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 679

You deserved it 2 694

19/11/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 621

You deserved it 30 264

23/01/2013 00:29 - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 646

You deserved it 6 240

31/12/2014 19:39 - Ireland - Ennis

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 3 541

30/11/2008 02:34 - France

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 464

You deserved it 2 937

That ship has sailed

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 17:03

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 224

15/02/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 103

You deserved it 3 977

24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 2 966

15/01/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 874

You deserved it 3 959

13/06/2012 14:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 743

You deserved it 3 749

21/05/2017 14:00

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 414

06/08/2013 16:01 - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 742

You deserved it 9 897

29/11/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 6 199

23/08/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 841

You deserved it 639

Used

By Eric Jurgensen - 10/06/2020 17:03

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 133

19/02/2013 23:07 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 071

You deserved it 3 812

19/09/2009 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 160

You deserved it 3 660

31/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 147

You deserved it 6 354

26/11/2015 05:35 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 29 630

25/04/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 356

You deserved it 15 191

Splitting hairs

By hairycarrie - 28/08/2020 04:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 511

19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 212

You deserved it 356

24/07/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 044

You deserved it 10 622

01/10/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 600

You deserved it 8 049

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:12

Ahhh...memories...

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:12

And your mother actually agreed to that? That is one progressive wife right there!

Comments

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:12

Ahhh...memories...

jameen 11

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:24

How did that come up in conversation?

golden_warrior 23

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Friday 17 May 2013 17:23

I think OP found the restraining order, which the father keeps as memorabilia.

amDes 11

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Friday 17 May 2013 17:31

I assume OP is his favourite child ....

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:12

And your mother actually agreed to that? That is one progressive wife right there!

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:15

Something tells me that the wife was most likely unaware of the significance of the name.

journeytotheend 16

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Friday 17 May 2013 19:14

Or she stalked the same women

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Saturday 18 May 2013 2:34

Aww I can se ops parents then, young and stalking together

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:13

Well that's something special isn't it? Hahahaha

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:13

Your dad needs to get over the past cos that's just beyond creepy.

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:16

I read an FML once where the OP was named after the dad's childhood dog. Consider yourself (somewhat)lucky.

ThePieGuy0817 29

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:20

...Indiana Jones?

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:17

If he buys you the same brand of perfume she used to wear you might want to flee...

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:18

Someone's a bit obsessed... Wow. Your dad needs therapy or you need to go to a court house and legally change your name, that's too freaky.

perdix 29

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:20

Wait until he sees her at the high-school reunion and shows her a picture of you. That'll be awkward!

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:20

Don't ever go with your dad to the highschool reunion. EDIT: Damn it, Perdix

perdix 29

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:27

#12, sorry, dude. My other alternative was to mention that I actually named my daughter to honor my beloved late grandpa, but it coincidentally happens to be the name of a girl I had a crush on in college (I liked her, but she wasn't stalk-worthy.) I would LOVE to bump into her at a college reunion and try to play it off like I named my kid for her. Her reaction would be priceless, or at least $11.83. I should have consulted you first. I apologize.

perdix 29

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Friday 17 May 2013 19:45

#34, I used the feminine form of his name. I made that number up out of thin air. That reminds me of that chiche where someone says, "If this can help just one person, it will have been worth it." I'd like to see someone say, "If this helps 8 or more people, it will have been worth it, but if it helps 7 or fewer, then this was just a fucking waste of time!"

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Friday 17 May 2013 16:23

Something tells me he's not quite done obsessing over her yet...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 110

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 133