Work: Thanks a bunch

Thanks a bunch

By nose hurts - 30/12/2012 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 566

You deserved it 3 462

Work

Age difference

Taking stock

Thanks, I hate it!

By Uneducated - 26/01/2019 20:00

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 153

The pandemic is far from over

By Nico - 01/08/2021 01:01

Today, I have a friend who has consumed almost every known drug in our country, but refuses to get the Covid vaccine, claiming that, "it contains the 5G, and I won't let them control me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 301

You deserved it 6 730

By danman - 14/04/2013 22:20 - United States

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 606

You deserved it 4 230

By lifesucksbigtimefuys - 04/12/2011 08:36 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend". Worst part? I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 26 629

By pamcakes - 09/07/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 373

You deserved it 1 255

By myrie - 03/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 914

You deserved it 3 714

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 005

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 917

You deserved it 2 313

By pkstarstorm - 14/07/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 992

You deserved it 20 015

By Ashley - 02/12/2012 10:16 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 301

You deserved it 3 000

Thanks.

By Anonymous - 09/06/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 493

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 41 030

By K123 - 06/06/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 953

You deserved it 5 401

By chamberpottime - 16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 149

You deserved it 1 480

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 988

You deserved it 7 146

By Well then - 01/03/2019 20:00

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started uni is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 355

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 646

You deserved it 4 470

By tiredofbullshit - 08/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Littleton

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 586

You deserved it 1 633

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 2 769

By Noname - 11/03/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 635

You deserved it 3 592

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 656

You deserved it 9 556

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 754

You deserved it 67 315

By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 562

You deserved it 751

By Al Staten - 06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 373

You deserved it 2 509

By bonehead69 - 31/05/2015 07:06 - United States - Taylorville

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 578

You deserved it 5 364

It's just liquid fun

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 05:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 3 011

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 193

You deserved it 23 703

By hipprep83 - 20/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 595

You deserved it 12 400

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 22:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 948

You deserved it 3 440

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 152

By loner - 14/11/2014 23:12 - United States - Madison

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 226

You deserved it 2 804

By neverdatingagain - 27/11/2016 22:07 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 746

By oooooops - 23/03/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 018

You deserved it 7 600

By sideeffect001 - 02/02/2016 18:48 - United States - Logan

Today, I found out that my tax filing status was never changed after my divorce. This means I haven't been paying enough and now the government wants its money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 446

You deserved it 4 264

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 033

You deserved it 5 403

Huge fan of his work

By [email protected] - 25/02/2009 07:42 - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home, so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes, I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years, until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 4 343

By Liah12 - 05/03/2016 13:52 - United States - Holt

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 923

You deserved it 1 509

By "Forevor_a_potato" - 26/04/2019 16:00

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 18:50 - United States - La Porte

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 881

You deserved it 6 277

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Top comments

fightingkittens 39

Send a private message

Sunday 30 December 2012 10:44

Surprise buttsex? Oh, I'll probably get hell for this.

sux4u121 10

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:45

I would look at this as a good thing. Sure you may have embarrased yourself but she is clearly interested in you.

fightingkittens 39

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:44

Surprise buttsex? Oh, I'll probably get hell for this.

TrueTriage 16

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:47

At least you saw it coming.

fightingkittens 39

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:54

This is what happens when I'm online at 2 AM. The word vomit just comes straight out.

lilhellian 26

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:57

But this puppy didn't see the word "vomit" in the first post... ^.^

fightingkittens 39

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Sunday 30 December 2012 11:13

* cue Zoidberg voice * Your joke was bad. And you should feel bad.

TheRandomIndian 17

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Sunday 30 December 2012 11:51

24 do you feel bad?

seandoc 13

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Sunday 30 December 2012 11:56

Just look up Suprise on Youtube, and you'll see the funniest Team Fortress 2 video ever.

screenager5 35

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Sunday 30 December 2012 12:15

...how does an innocent butt slap turn into buttsex? o.O

fightingkittens 39

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Sunday 30 December 2012 12:18

27 tried to reply to my shitty comment with a shitty comment of his own, in an apparent attempt to nullify the shittiness. Fail.

seandoc 13

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Sunday 30 December 2012 19:48

No #34, I failed to make you laugh. I didn't attempt to nullify YOUR shittiness, shithead.

starbunnytwinkle 3

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Monday 31 December 2012 5:27

33.. You've obviously never watched porn..

screenager5 35

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Monday 31 December 2012 10:33

70- damn. you're right. guess my ignorance gave me away. >.

Seany_93 17

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Saturday 5 January 2013 2:29

Ill show ya

sux4u121 10

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:45

I would look at this as a good thing. Sure you may have embarrased yourself but she is clearly interested in you.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 30 December 2012 14:09

Or she's clowning your ass (pardon the pun). Step wisely, brother...

patrickalamo 47

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Sunday 30 December 2012 15:04

She is laughing, step one. Now go make fun of the event with her... You two are on the same side, step two.

amillionbucks 5

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Sunday 30 December 2012 15:34

Well, now you have a free pass to smack her ass. You know what to do.

EsotericBrent 29

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:46

Well you did leave yourself vulnerable to a surprise attack.

a1f0sff 25

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:46

Your injured face shouldn't help either... if you got hurt.