Money: Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try...

By smallpaycheck - 16/08/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 947

You deserved it 4 044

Money

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Triage

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 09:06 - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 937

You deserved it 4 200

Mirror, mirror

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today I discovered that I'm so pale that I can lighten up any distant dark corner of the room just by placing my hand by a window and reflecting the light like a mirror. Imagine how bright it would be if I stood by the window naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 207

By sorkin15 - 24/03/2016 21:06 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 988

You deserved it 2 974

By daniella101 - 28/06/2012 18:11 - United States - Lacombe

Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 175

You deserved it 3 616

Deal or no Deal

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 1 937

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:33

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 1 244

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 913

You deserved it 9 760

By holla1787 - 04/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 468

You deserved it 2 803

By itzcorinnelove - 18/08/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 108

You deserved it 12 711

By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 459

You deserved it 3 219

Not good enough

By BoooMa - 31/03/2021 20:00

Today, my ex-fiancé got married. He left me at the altar last year because the thought of marriage and “taking such a big step” scared him. He’s only been with his new girlfriend for 6 months. Apparently I’m not good enough to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 94

By todaddy - 23/05/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 140

You deserved it 4 714

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 035

You deserved it 176

By Gibbster_ - 20/06/2014 05:05 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 753

You deserved it 8 926

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 23:01

Today, when my neighbor came over to ask about a serious rash her child had, she totally passed by me, the EMT/firefighter, to ask the hippy pastry chef what she thought of it, and if she had oils to "cure" it. So much for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 189

By stillaproudfather - 22/05/2014 19:24 - United States

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 837

You deserved it 6 672

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 02:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I punched the air enthusiastically after getting an impossible question right. Unfortunately, above me was an old fashioned mole trap, with 6 small spikes and 2 large ones. I now have 6 puncture wounds in my hand, and two in my shoulder, as it fell off the hook it was hanging on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 959

You deserved it 7 808

By "Gvinson36" - 06/09/2017 01:30

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 241

Great first day

By TordNorski - 03/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes into training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 757

You deserved it 1 408

By welcometothefamily - 26/02/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 034

You deserved it 3 214

By theflasher - 13/08/2015 21:10 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 492

You deserved it 3 413

By tatatest - 06/04/2012 03:02 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 458

You deserved it 58 843

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 780

You deserved it 6 177

By idiotson - 11/06/2014 00:39 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 181

You deserved it 8 938

By Noname - 24/01/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 400

You deserved it 2 531

By me - 20/04/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 326

You deserved it 3 213

By Anonymouss - 25/06/2015 03:54 - United States

Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 352

You deserved it 1 961

By ReComatosed242 - 09/03/2016 00:29 - Bahamas - Eleuthera

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 906

You deserved it 1 387

By Sad Nerd - 02/04/2014 08:20 - United States - Glendale

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 452

You deserved it 18 324

By Creepedout - 19/11/2015 03:26 - United States - Wilson

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 593

You deserved it 1 646

By tay - 17/09/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 556

You deserved it 2 831

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 3 842

The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 903

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 811

You deserved it 3 544

By JustSayNo - 11/08/2013 23:23 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 222

You deserved it 39 887

By Kulcha - 13/02/2009 11:07 - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 388

You deserved it 40 349

Pish yerself

By Carnage23 - 05/06/2016 12:38 - Germany - Herborn

Today, I was on a long road trip with my son. He had to pee, and told him he had to wait till I could stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 947

You deserved it 2 212

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 173

By Hreid254 - 05/02/2016 16:07 - United States - Temple

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 976

You deserved it 1 695

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 595

You deserved it 3 048

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Top comments

season4reason 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:41

there's no way he can deduct the cost of the shoes from your salary.....there is no way you can be held accountable for theft unless you were letting him try the shoes on right next to the exit of the store or w/e but even then, theft of store items should be reported and should be covered by the stores insurance policy.....next time, dont wither so easily under your boss and stand up for yourself......

nodbor 11

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:18

when you are not at work, get a friend to have the boss wait on him. get the most expensive pair of shoes and run off with them on.

Decem_fml 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

wbrycem 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 20:54

The ability to spell and the ability to type are two different things. I just thought you should know that, LaceyPatrickson.

fckinbowdown 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 7:15

Fuck that man it's not your fault he stole it shouldn't be deducted from your pay. take it up with managment or higher ups if they don't help

youreanidiot 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:05

fake. why wouldn't the shoes have all the protective crap on them?

sailingtheseas 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:07

He could've ran out with the protective stuff on it.

redbluegreen 40

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:27

I've tried on shoes, even expensive ones that didn't have all the protective stuff on it. It all depends on where you shop really.

El_patron 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:39

haha looked like trouble? I guess he was black lol

CEiiLEiiGH 7

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Sunday 29 April 2012 14:23

How racist, rude, and stereotypical.^^

Forever2204 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:05

well that sucks!

iilovehaters 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:06

its 3:06 am....fml

teffyweffy 6

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:09

suckksss

nodbor 11

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:18

when you are not at work, get a friend to have the boss wait on him. get the most expensive pair of shoes and run off with them on.

lphchld 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:26

Fake... it's against the law to do that.

Luckster 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:42

It depends on where you work. Some states don't have laws about this, I'm sure. If someone stole an XBox 360 where I work, I can kiss my paycheck good bye until the following week.

jen11989 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:43

its also illegal to kill people.. but does that stop people from doing it? didnt think so

season4reason 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:41

Weisenheimer 0

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Saturday 22 August 2009 0:17

its 100% illegal to deduct money from you for this under federal and state law. call the department of labor and they will straighten it out.

caancoha 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 9:42

Oh, damn. I wouldn't have stolen them if I knew it would be taken from YOUR paycheck. Besides, the soles are VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. Not worth 240. Hence why I was planning on returning them or buying them, but since it would have been a rip-off, I'm not. (;