Kids: Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately,...

By nicchick411 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28122

You deserved it

8084

Favorite

Kids

Vulture

Toxic people

No data for you

By Sleuth

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn't dare to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3187

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By ripped - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13750

You deserved it

1352

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79517

You deserved it

6403

Favorite

By bumpyroad - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55342

You deserved it

7613

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31896

You deserved it

2530

Favorite

By Bethany - United Kingdom

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37345

You deserved it

15789

Favorite

By Project-Mayhem - United States

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33387

You deserved it

5801

Favorite

By skygoddess - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68386

You deserved it

3321

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 00:30

Backstabbing

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1146

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Squid - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24881

You deserved it

7419

Favorite

By ovawerkrd - United Kingdom

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25888

You deserved it

2730

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21769

You deserved it

2414

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9914

You deserved it

707

Favorite

By bitten - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28990

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania - Campina

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42174

You deserved it

2893

Favorite

By sad - 1/10/2020 16:06 - United Kingdom

Never trust Facebook

Today, I left a gift on my colleague's desk, with a note saying I liked him. He brought it over and handed it back, and told me he's married. His Facebook says he is single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

988

You deserved it

568

Favorite

By Matthew - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29797

You deserved it

4549

Favorite

By Stoopid - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27107

You deserved it

244770

Favorite

By Michelle - United States

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30593

You deserved it

3422

Favorite

By LonelyCashier

Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1925

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By avocadotoe - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9135

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 11:01

Hang in there

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1506

You deserved it

2075

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1794

You deserved it

698

Favorite

By Ballprankster - 2/4/2021 16:57 - United States - New York

April Fool's

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

292

You deserved it

1243

Favorite

By tirf

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27800

You deserved it

10999

Favorite

By Brandon Butler

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38535

You deserved it

2983

Favorite

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I woke up, patted my dog and kissed his nose. He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76523

You deserved it

4313

Favorite

By Rinelric1998 - United States - Greensboro

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52350

You deserved it

5863

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2184

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By diapermommy - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16961

You deserved it

46344

Favorite

By imnotTHATlonely - United States

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53136

You deserved it

5759

Favorite

By Shiva - France - Niort

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48376

You deserved it

9399

Favorite

By nail714 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16167

You deserved it

73339

Favorite

By screaming monkey - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34205

You deserved it

2092

Favorite

By lights on forever - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54819

You deserved it

9172

Favorite

By daddyowl - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25865

You deserved it

2987

Favorite

By SpooningLeadstoForking

Fork that

Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3287

You deserved it

1537

Favorite

By crazytown62 - United States

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27279

You deserved it

6529

Favorite

By Anonymous - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14520

You deserved it

1766

Favorite

By MacBook - United States

Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85752

You deserved it

4165

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By delaneybabyy | 0

#2250200 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:38

I guess it's the thought that counts?

By ImaginaryFoe | 0

#2250261 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:44

Take a picture, say thank you, and repaint the wall in a while. One day you'll look miss having them around showing you love in their crappy, misguided way.

COMMENTS

By mylifemyrules | 0

#2250197 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:38

sucks

ryry98 | 7

#2250274 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:46

kids theses days what's happened to them lol but there thoughtful!

jmac317 | 0

#2250383 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:58

haha this should not be an fml

chell1894 | 13

#2250498 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:15

Aw they were just trying to do something nice. Act a little appreciative.

max_wilder | 9

#2250600 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:27

^true^

hobozrule | 4

#2250604 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:27

it the thought that counts :D

valri3 | 0

#2250645 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:35

I remember when I used to do that as a child; unfortunately I also remember my parents having a breakdown about it.

borkchop1992 | 15

#2250667 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:37

ya but now she has an excuse to beat her kids

YouCanHaveACoke | 0

#2250809 - Sunday 27 March 2011 21:10

Don't stress, OP. Use toothpaste (not gel) to remove marks. Scrub the toothpaste on with a dry sponge and let it sit for a few minutes. Then, rub it off with a damp wash cloth!

TheJester12 | 15

#2250946 - Sunday 27 March 2011 21:36

be grateful, it could have been a penis drawn on instead, with permanent marker. chances are your teenager will hate you , so enjoy your kids while they last :)

RODEOqueen | 0

#2251053 - Sunday 27 March 2011 22:00

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser should take it off.

valri3 | 0

#2251282 - Sunday 27 March 2011 23:42

What happened to my comment?

kennababy | 0

#2251414 - Sunday 27 March 2011 23:57

aww I think it's so cute!

nickiforever21 | 0

#2252756 - Monday 28 March 2011 3:59

Can't she just repaint the wall?

JCHammer | 5

#2253151 - Monday 28 March 2011 5:20

I thought that's why they called it "wall paper"

xovollyball11 | 3

#2253180 - Monday 28 March 2011 5:25

#119 I think it's sooo cute too

iluvmemicookies | 0

#2256791 - Monday 28 March 2011 22:01

She can just repain the wall but it takes money, time, and a lot of work.

ajones413 | 0

#2261391 - Tuesday 29 March 2011 15:40

I agree with you

lilmisslovely13 | 15

#2949090 - Friday 22 July 2011 6:29

that's not too terrible! i think it's sweet!

By delaneybabyy | 0

#2250200 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:38

I guess it's the thought that counts?

AppleCurry | 0

#2250453 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:06

Haha. I read this comment and then accidentally clicked on 5's picture.

goodfella925 | 0

#2250872 - Sunday 27 March 2011 21:22

I was gunna say the same thing lol, there only kids anyway. just paint over it OP:P

SassiestLemon | 2

#2255832 - Monday 28 March 2011 17:01

I will wait for the Grammar Nazi who shall consume 73.

death943 | 10

#5424930 - Thursday 28 March 2013 18:38

gonna* they're* Hail Grammer

By iR0ckSkinnys | 3

#2250202 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:38

kids:D they"ll never learn.

By tktom7 | 6

#2250206 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:39

at least they tried...

klonopin_ftw | 0

#2250393 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:00

at least it wasn't sharpie.

xoxoMEGANxoxo | 13

#2250421 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:03

tktom7's photo made me giggle and also made me think of Harry potter :-P

sarapsosis | 1

#2250986 - Sunday 27 March 2011 21:43

O RLY 39?

GrubbsGrady | 0

#2251167 - Sunday 27 March 2011 22:29

I think that's cute. op should keep that on her wall!

SassiestLemon | 2

#2255847 - Monday 28 March 2011 17:03

Can't you use dry erase marker to remove sharpie? Or nail polish remover?

By jerseyboy732 | 16

#2250213 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:39

thats what you get for telling them to be creative

iluvmemicookies | 0

#2256783 - Monday 28 March 2011 21:59

What?!? When did OP, nevermind.

By alex1432 | 9

#2250217 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:39

Well depending on how old they are, this may be kinda cute.

chickunkey | 0

#2251326 - Sunday 27 March 2011 23:49

Depending on their ages, this can also be mildly disturbing.

By StupidBunnySuit | 0

#2250220 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:39

At least they got something for you and it's only crayons... happy birthday.

By Cressalys | 0

#2250230 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:40

That's why we don't need any more people popping out babies. There's more then enough right now.

By WiiMessi10 | 0

#2250232 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:40

happy birthday!

By Wheredidgrungego | 12

#2250234 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:42

Well they had the right idea!

wisericky | 12

#2250374 - Sunday 27 March 2011 19:58

I like potatoes!

wisericky | 12

#2250480 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:11

wrong spot :P
silly fml site or maybe it was these huge fingers i have.

chester75 | 5

#2250658 - Sunday 27 March 2011 20:36

it's the fingers

sarapsosis | 1

#2250827 - Sunday 27 March 2011 21:13

damn those round butt cheeks, frickin hilarious (I'm talking about Patrick's) they're so distracting

SassiestLemon | 2

#2255860 - Monday 28 March 2011 17:05

70- Staring is rude, Mr. Dexter.