Kids: Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work... - FML

By Crog - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

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Taking stock

Mother of the year

Ant life

By diddlysquat - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

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By stilljobless - United States - Willimantic

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

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By BirdBrain

Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

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By USSEYL - United Kingdom

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

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By wooed - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

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By Typidiot

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

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By disgusted - United States - Herndon

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

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By hurricane0331 - United States

Today, a 75 year old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML

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By andrea99 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Renton

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat. I didn't realize my new neighbor was an old man with a raging boner. FML

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By randinosaur - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

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By CodeJunky - United States

Today, I found out how far my car can go after the fuel light comes on: All the way to the stoplight before the nearest gas station. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

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By workinggirl - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML

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By SteveBassist

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

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By fire - United States

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

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By Jorgen - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2021 17:00 - United States - San Diego

I hate my life

Today, I woke up and remembered that I'm in law school. Now, I'm about to go to sleep, and I'm still in law school. FML

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By ihatespiders - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

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By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

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By Well then

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

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By PandaSuicide

Today, I jokingly told my die-hard Laker fan dad that I converted to become a Celtics fan. He responded, "Get out of my car." I'm currently sitting on a sidewalk, trying to convince him it was a joke. FML

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By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

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By Crushed

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

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By neveragain89 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

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By Whoops - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 14:02

The cheek of some people

Today, the girl my ex-husband cheated on me with, and left me for, called me and asked for money to bail him out of jail. She asked me because I have my own business and I'm financially stable. FML

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By fuck_thisshit - Australia

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

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By BustedEgo - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

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By wtf - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

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By daycare worker - United States - Houston

Today, I told my 4-year-old daughter that when she grew up she could work at a daycare, like me, to help all of the little kids like her. She started crying because she thought it was a bad job to have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - York

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

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By raybandy - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went on a second date with a guy who seemed perfect in every way possible. That is until he started mentioned how children are a deal-breaker for him. I had to break it to him that I have a 14 month old daughter. He actually had the balls to ask if I'd ever consider foster care. Seriously, dude? FML

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By meee - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

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By aspiemeanswell - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

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Top comments

By lazorzpewpew | 0

#1331 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:37

KICK THE BABY!

By lesp | 6

#298577 - Friday 12 June 2009 22:31

"Be good for nap time unless you want to end up like Johnny did."

"You said that was an accident Mrs. OP."

"Yeah, but 'accidents' happen all the time Stevie. . ."

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#1326 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 16:43

This made me laugh so hard! thx :)

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1117922 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:49

how do u accidently kick someone down the stairs u jerk!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Reply

areforever | 0

#1359917 - Monday 6 September 2010 11:47

You only kicked one? Go for two, dude!

Reply

parajax82 | 0

#1490334 - Sunday 3 October 2010 7:22

Go for gold!!

Reply

ThatFunnyDude | 3

#2879413 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:04

This is SPARTAAAAA!!!!!

By lazorzpewpew | 0

#1331 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:37

KICK THE BABY!

Reply

nerobluerose | 10

#2621066 - Sunday 5 June 2011 1:14

^ win. score one for Kyle from southpark

By greenman_fml | 0

#1333 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:45

I assume by "accidentally" you mean it stepped to ya and needed fixin

By greatbelow | 0

#1338 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 18:53

kick some more down.

By prettyinpurple | 0

#1348 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 19:10

haha. i did that with a golf cart. the child was behind the fence and i pushed the fence open with the golf cart. he flew across the play ground.

By lady89ettena | 0

#1369 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 21:06

LOL! that's hilarious

By quiksta | 0

#2130 - Saturday 14 February 2009 13:23

bumbling idiots like you are the reason i will never have kids. well, you and pedos, murderers, the fucked up world... etc.. for all you know, you have given someone else's child brain damage. DIE

By maiden_girl | 5

#2154 - Saturday 14 February 2009 15:55

ROFL How do you 'accidentally' kick a child down a set of steps? Hahaha...

By rachelforgot2 | 0

#11798 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:54

Ya kicking kids is pretty funny, i chocked one on accident wih a chair! weird how these things happing! ahahahhahhahaa

By rachelforgot2 | 0

#13045 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 21:37

wow i fucked up that last comment, ment to say weird how these things HAPPEN! its fucken funny! i also kicked a kid in its back! they always come outta now where i swear!