Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work... - FML

By Crog - 11/2/2009 11:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

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Breaking Badly

A beautiful truck decoration

Buzzing the tower

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 13:30 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

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By Zack - 11/3/2009 18:57 - Israel

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

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By implantme - 11/5/2017 14:00

Give Me Novacaine

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2013 16:24 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I went to a wake. When my dad picked me up, I was still pretty upset. Just when I'd had enough of death, the car hits a raccoon on the way home. FML

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By confused - 25/1/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

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By arghh - 29/9/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

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By heartbroken - 23/1/2013 13:57 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By selfesteemboost - 27/1/2012 17:14 - Belize

Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML

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By IGOTIT - 5/9/2013 07:24 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

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By mindlost - 7/1/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

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By filipinoclari808 - 16/4/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

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By SadFace - 21/2/2013 13:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

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By bjfail - 9/1/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

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By tima - 27/6/2018 01:30

* backs away slowly *

Today, I went to visit my long-distance boyfriend for the first time. His room is decorated top to bottom with swastikas and confederate flags. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 14:24 - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

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By footbloodfountain - 15/1/2012 10:53 - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

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By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By uugnfg - 27/7/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2014 17:58 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

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By birthdayboy - 19/6/2019 16:22

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

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By kklaucen14 - 6/8/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

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By cinder - 16/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Denver

Caring parenting

Today, and every day I decide to get therapy for my severe depression, my parents spring a workload of chores on me, which mentally exhausts me to the point I can’t do anything. Including start my therapy. FML

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By stupidbug. - 9/4/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

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By random - 13/5/2013 15:06 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

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By Anna - 6/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

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By toryzhere - 29/3/2012 11:13 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

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By APersonSomewhere - 31/3/2019 18:00

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group which I am not a part of and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2012 04:59 - United States - Humble

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

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By JJ101 - 19/2/2010 11:52 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

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By Icy - 27/12/2010 08:43 - United States

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

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By Flavorite - 10/2/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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By Failed Artist - 30/8/2015 04:49 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

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By Jessie - 23/2/2009 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

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By parkinglotslayer - 11/6/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

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Top comments

By lazorzpewpew | 0

#1331 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:37

KICK THE BABY!

By lesp | 6

#298577 - Friday 12 June 2009 22:31

"Be good for nap time unless you want to end up like Johnny did."

"You said that was an accident Mrs. OP."

"Yeah, but 'accidents' happen all the time Stevie. . ."

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#1326 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 16:43

This made me laugh so hard! thx :)

Reply

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1117922 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:49

how do u accidently kick someone down the stairs u jerk!?!?!?!?!?!!!

Reply

areforever | 0

#1359917 - Monday 6 September 2010 11:47

You only kicked one? Go for two, dude!

Reply

parajax82 | 0

#1490334 - Sunday 3 October 2010 7:22

Go for gold!!

Reply

ThatFunnyDude | 3

#2879413 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:04

This is SPARTAAAAA!!!!!

By lazorzpewpew | 0

#1331 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:37

KICK THE BABY!

Reply

nerobluerose | 10

#2621066 - Sunday 5 June 2011 1:14

^ win. score one for Kyle from southpark

By greenman_fml | 0

#1333 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 17:45

I assume by "accidentally" you mean it stepped to ya and needed fixin

By greatbelow | 0

#1338 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 18:53

kick some more down.

By prettyinpurple | 0

#1348 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 19:10

haha. i did that with a golf cart. the child was behind the fence and i pushed the fence open with the golf cart. he flew across the play ground.

By lady89ettena | 0

#1369 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 21:06

LOL! that's hilarious

By quiksta | 0

#2130 - Saturday 14 February 2009 13:23

bumbling idiots like you are the reason i will never have kids. well, you and pedos, murderers, the fucked up world... etc.. for all you know, you have given someone else's child brain damage. DIE

By maiden_girl | 5

#2154 - Saturday 14 February 2009 15:55

ROFL How do you 'accidentally' kick a child down a set of steps? Hahaha...

By rachelforgot2 | 0

#11798 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:54

Ya kicking kids is pretty funny, i chocked one on accident wih a chair! weird how these things happing! ahahahhahhahaa

By rachelforgot2 | 0

#13045 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 21:37

wow i fucked up that last comment, ment to say weird how these things HAPPEN! its fucken funny! i also kicked a kid in its back! they always come outta now where i swear!