The Top

OP here. First of all: Yay! It got published! Second to those who say I deserve it or should move: I own my condo, so not able to move at this point. I do not live in a flood zone or swamp. Both floods have been sewage backups from blockages at least 150 feet from my condo. The one 10 months ago happened while I was at work--that was a disaster. This time my neighbors flooded (badly) on both sides. Water from one neighbor came under our shared wall. Not too bad this time and I was able to get the clean out cap off outside right away so it flowed into my backyard instead of my house. Truly an awful experience to be sure. I thank my lucky stars that I opted to cancel my plans and stay home and watch a movie... Otherwise it would have been at least as bad as last time. I'll admit... I'm afraid to put that clean clean out cap back on!

By Djcc - 21/02/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 7 125

Denial

By Isabella - 20/09/2022 22:30

Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 201

Oh no, please no

By Anonymous - 26/01/2014 05:10 - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had three unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 331

You deserved it 5 493

By CamoElla - 19/02/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 703

You deserved it 3 226

Football blues

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 09:00 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I noticed a text from a few days ago, and it appears that even my therapist sends me memes about how bad the Dallas Cowboys are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 296

Love is blind

By Blinded - 23/09/2022 11:30 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I finally figured out who my girlfriend reminds me of when she wears her glasses: the character Newman from Seinfeld. I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 194

By IMSERIOUS - 22/01/2014 19:23 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 5 832

By jeezy - 23/02/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 394

You deserved it 3 299

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 20:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 428

You deserved it 33 893

Red flag

By not good enough - 27/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, he spoke with my mom and the fact that she wants me dead is a huge red flag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 14/02/2012 12:39 - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 970

You deserved it 5 858

By TDCC - 17/04/2011 01:06 - United States

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 302

You deserved it 10 007

By ihateyouatt - 18/03/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 120

You deserved it 31 154

By ShelterForTheHomless - 14/01/2014 03:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 643

You deserved it 5 898

perdix tells us more.

perdix 29

Tuesday 14 January 2014 15:04

#41, yes, but I only know the shenanigans hobos play on male victims, and, yes, I'm still bitter that FML didn't publish that one.

By LG - 17/03/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 685

You deserved it 4 153

My boobs don't lie

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 22:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I got a fancy new bra made of organic cotton. Or, well, the outside of it is. The inside, which actually touches my skin, is made of 100% polyester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 185

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 106

You deserved it 1 137

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 524

You deserved it 9 875

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispered to me, "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party." There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 2 835

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 707

You deserved it 56 569

Today, after getting off the phone with a girl I'm interested in, I parked on campus and ate my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 771

You deserved it 9 292

Today, I realised the biggest FML this year was getting into online debates with people about Covid not being a hoax. One guy even said it was over, while I knew the numbers were climbing back up as I work in health-care, and I was sat on a toilet with diarrhea because I have Covid myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 260