Intimacy: Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next...

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

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Intimacy

Triage

This Charming Man

Wait, what?

By Tanny

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

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By armywife980

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

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By deadgrass - United States - Middletown

Heavenly Shower

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

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Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. After she left, they told me they disapprove of her because of her supposedly lower social class. Now I have to either dump her or lose the money they set aside to pay for my university tuition. FML

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By jess - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

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By neversayhiagain - United States

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

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By that one anon - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

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By rabbitkiller - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

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By betrayed - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

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By Eve - Ireland

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

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By laurilove7 - 27/4/2021 20:01

It's a learned behavior

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

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By MLZ - United States

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

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By mraow123 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

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By katelouise2102 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Livingston

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sparks

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

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By AGB10 - United Kingdom - Tunbridge Wells

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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By Teacher - United States - Phoenix

Martha Lucy Queen Jr.

Today, I asked students to identify a woman that made a difference in history. I got several people answering Martin Luther King Jr. These are 9th graders. FML

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By Frustrated - United States

Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML

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By PeedMom - United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

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By younggrammy - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

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By Hellasboy - Australia - Brisbane

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

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By SheenaL - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

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By sleeper - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

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By Jeslyn03 - Canada

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Broken equipment

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

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By bdiddy - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann

Today, at work, I fainted and hit my head. When I told my boyfriend, he said, “Why does it matter?” FML

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By maddy - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

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By UnluckyJulie - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Thanks for the heads up

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

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By Heather212

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

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By ClosetMishap - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML

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Top comments

By jf7609 | 0

#920955 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:12

oh my god, as if the wanking wasn't creepy enough...

By fournineteen | 0

#920976 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:15

I thought that only happened in airports?!

COMMENTS

By ZombieBunnies | 0

#920946 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:10

yay for wankers!!

Terwilliger | 0

#921133 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:49

WHAAAT THE FUUCKK

chromeLegend | 0

#921196 - Sunday 7 March 2010 10:13

Total WTF situation.

blitzen123 | 0

#921218 - Sunday 7 March 2010 10:22

That is so creepy! x.x

xnty | 0

#921284 - Sunday 7 March 2010 11:05

my friend works in security at lord

ey3seecold | 0

#921339 - Sunday 7 March 2010 12:04

u both sighed with releif at the end so wtf!!!

KyleSays1 | 0

#921541 - Sunday 7 March 2010 14:21

@blitzen123, ur hot :D

JackRocksSoSuckI | 0

#921618 - Sunday 7 March 2010 14:58

GAY SHIT

pepper3434 | 0

#921730 - Sunday 7 March 2010 15:46

Why do people feel the need to do this in an extremely public place?

mcicycool | 0

#921739 - Sunday 7 March 2010 15:49

sum ppl get off at public places. I think they are called exhibitionists..

Wolfwood187 | 0

#923809 - Monday 8 March 2010 3:49

LoL, I laughed for a few minutes on this one. That's terribly messed up haha.

drewu261 | 0

#927658 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 5:10

that was me ;)

infernofalcon | 0

#928878 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 15:48

Hope he suffers from Wanker's cramp, the most deadly of all British diseases.

MattCole | 0

#968504 - Friday 26 March 2010 10:18

That happened to me once. the guy was peering into my stall while he was doing it. he left when I threatened to kick his ass, cut his dick off, and make him eat it

yumsters | 0

#970337 - Monday 29 March 2010 5:22

^^^^^ I would to ^^^^^

rwac07 | 0

#977682 - Sunday 11 April 2010 8:14

wanking, become a fan on facebook.

bakingstuff | 0

#1092188 - Thursday 15 July 2010 4:36

91 watches"yu gi oh abrigded"

bakingstuff | 0

#1092190 - Thursday 15 July 2010 4:36

91 watches"yu gi oh abrigded"

bakingstuff | 0

#1092193 - Thursday 15 July 2010 4:36

91 watches"yu gi oh abrigded"

trevishere | 7

#2879333 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:54

This will most likely be thumbed down;; you should've started masturbating to see what did.

lolmigosh | 15

#3906524 - Thursday 19 January 2012 2:23

Gay?

By jf7609 | 0

#920955 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:12

oh my god, as if the wanking wasn't creepy enough...

CHUCKBARTOWSKl | 0

#921912 - Sunday 7 March 2010 16:32

wat is wanking ?

kaileebug | 0

#921973 - Sunday 7 March 2010 17:00

it's what big boys do when they get bored. simple and clean explanation.

ALegitNinja | 0

#922055 - Sunday 7 March 2010 17:33

Well, when a big boy and his right hand love each other VERY much....

demonsoldier31 | 0

#922103 - Sunday 7 March 2010 17:55

lmfao WIN!!!

yourlifesfucked | 0

#922980 - Sunday 7 March 2010 23:24

wanking is what brits call jacking off

DeeBizz | 0

#923224 - Monday 8 March 2010 0:39

@60 , I'm left-handed

mattthew | 0

#923291 - Monday 8 March 2010 1:08

well... that sucks for you

depressedgamer | 0

#923602 - Monday 8 March 2010 2:39

alegitninja= WIN

Zills | 0

#924450 - Monday 8 March 2010 7:41

I'm left handed too, right handed high five.

MattCole | 0

#924849 - Monday 8 March 2010 11:46

It's a term for masturbation used by non-American English speakers. Americans just don't use the word "wank" in our vocabulary.

nikkibihm | 0

#2604947 - Thursday 2 June 2011 10:31

haha agreed !

hunterluv1 | 20

#4536463 - Thursday 7 June 2012 16:39

87- Yet OP Is from America? And so am I and I knew what it was? ...

By shuuguuy | 0

#920962 - Sunday 7 March 2010 9:12

Go up to him and be like I saw you looking at my package, if you liked it so much give me a 20 and get another hunny and wink at him

Cristaderzi | 0

#921227 - Sunday 7 March 2010 10:24

Better yet beat the faggots ass!!

neonblue120 | 6

#921277 - Sunday 7 March 2010 10:58

yeah..... if he's not 6"8" 300lbs

totally kick his ass.....if he isn't armed

throw him a beat down....if he isn't your dad.

ladiesman14 | 0

#924432 - Monday 8 March 2010 7:25

what does wanking mean in english ? isnt that a song by 50 cent ? so he was being a gangsta the stall next to you ? were you at a car dealership and did you buy anything.