Today, I found out that the woman who I punched in the face after I caught her on my porch snooping through my mail is pressing charges. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML
Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
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Top comments
NostalgiaFreak9 43
And what would the police have done exactly? She was on someone else's property snooping through their mail. She deserved what she got, and she should count herself lucky the OP isn't a trigger happy person.
Hangryko 32
Would "Stand Your Ground" apply here?
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Comments (3)
JackWood 21
You deserve it. You don't get to assault someone because they are in the wrong place. We have 911 and police for a reason.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
And what would the police have done exactly? She was on someone else's property snooping through their mail. She deserved what she got, and she should count herself lucky the OP isn't a trigger happy person.
Hangryko 32
Would "Stand Your Ground" apply here?
Mooglefox 24
Isn’t it a federal crime for someone to snoop though your mail?