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OP here, first off I am not overweight, just gained about ten pounds shortly out of nowhere. Thank you to all of those who did have health concerns I am looking into all that.

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

agreeclassic 35 655

vote type 1 3 022

Panic!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 47 788

vote type 1 12 438

By Grandson - 01/01/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

agreeclassic 37 898

vote type 1 2 751

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 13:16 - United States

Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML

agreeclassic 28 104

vote type 1 9 160

By NO NO NO - 05/08/2013 21:42 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

agreeclassic 56 558

vote type 1 5 360

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Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

agreeclassic 395

vote type 1 116

Today, I spent £65 on a pair of jeans after scouring Depop & eBay for hours, only for literally my dream jeans to then pop up in "More recommended" after purchasing, and for a cheaper price and faster shipping, after six hours of searching and spending the last of my paycheck on non-refundable jeans. FML

agreeclassic 249

vote type 1 383

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

agreeclassic 1 180

vote type 1 527

Today, I found out that the little bumps on the child seats in the Wal-Mart shopping carts are spaced just enough that they can crack my brand new phone's screen past its screen protector in two places. FML

agreeclassic 322

vote type 1 212

Today, I refilled a water glass I'd left out on the counter and took a long drink. At the end, I felt something spongy and panicked. When I spit it all out into the sink, a huge centipede was staring back at me. FML

agreeclassic 3 648

vote type 1 726

Today, I have to defend my bachelor thesis, which took me 10 months to complete. Three weeks ago, a new technology was released that renders my entire work obsolete. FML

agreeclassic 4 476

vote type 1 289