Miscellaneous: Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes...

By webperson04 - 27/07/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 318

You deserved it 3 588

Miscellaneous

Batman

Great parenting, dude

No end in sight

By UsedForSurgery - 28/10/2017 01:30

Today, after having surgery, I called my family to tell them I was out, safe, and on my way home. The first thing they asked was if they could "borrow" some of my pain meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 214

By sick - 06/01/2011 12:21 - United States

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 536

You deserved it 2 571

I've just got one of those faces

By Eric Rivera - 29/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 100

By MakeItMaaco - 11/07/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 870

You deserved it 3 757

By sufia - 29/09/2016 11:14 - Pakistan

Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 265

You deserved it 1 152

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 941

You deserved it 8 097

By bloodyLIP - 14/05/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 14 126

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 10:29 - United States

Today, the alarm clock downstairs has been going off since 3am. The apartment belongs to two other students. They've gone home. Only 3 more days left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 175

You deserved it 2 292

By Anonymous - 11/06/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 482

You deserved it 55 897

By oh my soul - 14/03/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 774

You deserved it 2 018

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 417

You deserved it 3 370

Check this out

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 17:00

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 1 730

By Cheap N Happy - 17/02/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 620

You deserved it 4 545

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 4 276

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 671

You deserved it 8 159

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 50 135

By Julian - 22/12/2008 07:45 - France

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 168

You deserved it 44 794

Grow up

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 20:01

Today, I was excited to go to a Japanese restaurant for my birthday. When the chef started doing tricks however, my spoiled brat of a sister started screaming and crying in terror. My parents insisted we leave and go to McDonald's because she was upset. She's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 88

Very important note

By Stress - 06/02/2020 14:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, the teacher said the class today was very important and that we should take note. Instead of writing notes, I bought a recorder and brought it to class. After class, I listened to the recording and all I could hear was muffled voices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 2 635

By busybuzzybee - 17/08/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 432

You deserved it 2 846

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 473

You deserved it 4 274

By buckley456 - 28/05/2012 03:33 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 740

You deserved it 8 926

Scammers gonna scam

By Hady - 25/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that the $100,000 scholarship I "won" was a scam. I found it on a website. When I won, they asked for a "processing fee" that I begged my brother to let me borrow. The website has vanished into internet wasteland and I have no way of paying back the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 761

By f my lifw - 07/04/2015 15:43 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 185

You deserved it 3 013

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 219

You deserved it 60 713

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 15:36 - Sri Lanka

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 574

You deserved it 28 254

By Anonymous - 25/01/2015 07:01 - United States

Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 437

You deserved it 2 815

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 22:12 - United States

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 186

You deserved it 4 263

By Garrett - 01/10/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 989

You deserved it 46 484

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 3 007

By EPICfml. - 02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 521

You deserved it 13 492

Hangry dude

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 20:01

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 207

By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 3 363

By anonymous - 16/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 869

You deserved it 1 923

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 1 347

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 244

You deserved it 43 600

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 00:46 - United States - Kerman

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 212

You deserved it 7 261

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 101

You deserved it 4 853

By Galaxy - 29/03/2014 17:03 - Belgium - Guigoven

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 424

You deserved it 7 274

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caramelize 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:03

FYL for sure. That's disgusting!

Nuts_the_Wiseguy 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

And you let him?! I'd have clocked him!!!!

caramelize 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:03

FYL for sure. That's disgusting!

ididitmyself 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:27

uhh how is that disgusting?? #9 what is wrong with you??? are you into people pissing on your or something? sick. this is TOTALLY disgusting, OP I would punch a fool if he did that to me haha.

sublime93 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:36

Finally a good fml

americayay 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:39

I think #9 just didn't get that the OP got peed on.

imtheman920 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:39

How is that disgusting... are you insane? I hope that you hang a sign on you back saying "Pee through my legs; it's not gay at all."

Emma_91 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:20

#9. You're weird. Plain and simple. Or you enjoy being pissed on?

kusu91 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:20

Wow #9. You really are a dumbass. Not only is getting urinated on digusting but its also disrespectful. So here is an idea for you. Go stand at a urinal until a man decides piss on your ass. Furthermore, you told the writer to man up and shake it off. The only way to man up is by urinating back on that man, or kicking him straight in the balls.

Lmao_xD 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:17

Damn. thats f'ing ridiculous. #9 idk whats goin thru yur mind

imtheman920 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:21

#9: Where did anybody say you liked it? They just asked if you did.

kpanchal 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:43

#9 probably pisses in a wine cup and sips on it all night with a plate full of shit as a meal, huh you nasty little queer?

Sawadee 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:46

worstpersonalive

thatwasobvious 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:55

worstpersonalive is sexy

imtheman920 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 5:02

Wrong again. I told you to hang a sign on yourself. How does that mean you like it?

Dashiell 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 6:18

You guys are idiots for taking #9 seriously, my god...

taoxyeuxmay 4

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:26

#9 just wants attention and his comment worked like a charm. You people should be ashamed of yourselves for not ignoring him.

forallitsworth 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 11:21

I agree, I'm sorry but I find it hilarious. Your life sucks though :/ Hopefully you'll find the humor in that in the future. :)

sparxva 12

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 16:50

beat down time.

divineinstrument 2

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 18:26

at worstpersonalive/comment#37 Yeah, I don't understand you can actually enjoy trolling. The occasional troll-post that's actually funny is alright, but most trolls don't post any normal comments, they just post the same troll-posts over and over again and they get really boring.

stryder 1

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 0:49

SICK AND WRONG!!!! no, its more then that. its WRONG SICK!!! blah.

dennis96411 12

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Thursday 30 July 2009 6:27

LMAO are you stupid? If a guy comes up to your ass with his dick, would you stay for him to fuck you?

liveandletlive89 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 4:50

I agree.

LoadFasterPage 0

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:38

WTF does OP mean

flipflipflipidel 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 3:47

sublime ftw

bandgeek24601 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

That's gross. Just gross. I'm so sorry.

jasmine1259 2

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:57

seriously. this is one of those fmls that theres no reason for clicking the ydi button.

darren824 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 5:27

its ok, hes drunk

KryptoniteKiss 0

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Saturday 1 August 2009 23:40

Hahaha, I'm going to start using that as an excuse for everything. "You failed English!" "It's okay, I was drunk."

GunnerLover 0

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Monday 8 March 2010 4:13

#125 = win

sexaybitch 14

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Saturday 14 June 2014 17:23

So if someone is drunk driving, and kills someone you love, it's okay because he's drunk?

Nuts_the_Wiseguy 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:05

And you let him?! I'd have clocked him!!!!

BussellRishop 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 10:22

Not just 'internet tough talk', but I really would have beat the shit out of that guy.

chrisbyg 6

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Thursday 31 May 2012 7:11

Ya you would have homie!! You fly..

jem1991 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:06

dont people do that all the time?

Poke_my_mon 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:06

Sorry dude but that shit's clever. And gay. More clever though unless your pants were down. You deserved it for not turning around and clocking him

LegndNikko 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:40

I would have clocked him to, but... Why would he have his pants off? It's a urinal...

NoMercy1 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 16:38

Even if he did it's still an FML. Knocking the guy out doesn't get the piss off your ass.

chocoLIFE_fml 2

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:07

what an idiot lol

picky_and_bitter 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:09

lmaooooooo! well he was being thoughtful! he gave you a golden shower ;)

jit_cash 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:10

haha that sucks

jailbot 7

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:11

Wow... that is absolutely disgusting and fucked up. I sure hope you turned around and returned the favor all over this pants.

Poke_my_mon 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:12

No, because they're sword fighting, and that's never cool after age 5

ProlapseOnToast 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 19:09

LOL nice.

Clairina 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:17

...at least he didnt come and stand next you or try to push you out of the way.

lexiBRo 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 4:05

i actually think i would prefer that he come stand next to me or push me out the way rather than piss all over me...

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 2 281

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 194

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