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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29918) - you deserved it (42069)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

#20847442
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39251) - you deserved it (3536)

On 08/21/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by verydepressed - Russian Federation (Tomsk)

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

#20840549
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45160) - you deserved it (7424)

On 08/16/2013 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland

Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44558) - you deserved it (8620)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

#20834278
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45521) - you deserved it (5037)

On 08/12/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

#20846099
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45045) - you deserved it (2622)

On 08/20/2013 at 8:54am - animals - by TheRoad42 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

#20834922
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48206) - you deserved it (7834)

On 08/13/2013 at 2:36am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52513) - you deserved it (6367)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

#20840255
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48054) - you deserved it (12636)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm - misc - by WatchOut - Singapore

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

#20836993
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (45461)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51776) - you deserved it (4107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

#20840198
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49279) - you deserved it (3566)

On 08/16/2013 at 11:21am - misc - by momma - Canada (Ontario)



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