Dogs and Animals: Good boy - FML

Good boy

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 00:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 082

You deserved it 2 920

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 4 494

By shadow - 26/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Osceola

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 942

You deserved it 357

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 242

You deserved it 1 475

I don't know, leave me alone

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 04:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my mom and dad went off somewhere for some alone time together. My mom had apparently turned her phone off and my dad left his at home. In that span of time, my brother had accidentally locked himself out of his house, and my sister was also trying to get a hold of them, and now are asking me where they're at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 160

By Sky - 25/07/2018 01:30

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 504

You deserved it 334

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

By mama bear - 16/10/2019 18:00

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 896

You deserved it 396

By FatalxDesire599 - 05/03/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 685

You deserved it 2 834

Call the cops

By Becca - 29/08/2019 04:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my mother-in-law "borrowed" my dog without asking, to show him off to her friends. My dog is my service animal, and I'm not comfortable leaving the house without him. I have to be at work in an hour, and she's not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 445

By gothchick201013 - 09/09/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 081

You deserved it 1 125

Next

Top comments

Hunthas 17

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:51

Silly mothers! everyone knows dogs only speak french

teentee401 36

Sunday 26 October 2014 15:05

Error 404: Pun not found

Comments

Hunthas 17

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:48

m

pratikp03 22

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:49

well...what did the talk about?

polarbearpiss 15

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:58

bad pun

teentee401 36

Sunday 26 October 2014 15:05

Error 404: Pun not found

mif_fml 27

Sunday 26 October 2014 15:19

I don't think he was trying for pun.. If he did he would have said "what did they bark about?" or something like that.

Nathan_h24 17

Sunday 26 October 2014 17:10

I recommend you invest in a dictionary #12

cinskeep43 15

Sunday 26 October 2014 20:58

plot twist- dog is the name of her vibrator

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

Sunday 26 October 2014 22:21

What really matters is that OPs mom needs mental help

Hunthas 17

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:51

Silly mothers! everyone knows dogs only speak french

sayyestothedress 24

Sunday 26 October 2014 17:33

Oh, I thought it was Spanish! No wonder my dog wouldn't understand me!

PyroSam 21

Wednesday 29 October 2014 17:55

They write in German, you know.

hope1103 20

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:52

I'm sorry OP that sounds like a ruff situation

jad0016 12

Sunday 26 October 2014 15:45

Being locked out of the house is definitely something to bark about

so_smooth 13

Sunday 26 October 2014 17:50

And you have the best comment ever

TheOrangeProon 13

Sunday 26 October 2014 18:24

If only my fiancée was as easy to please as you, 36.

Rainhawk94 27

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:52

Poor dog must be having a ruff time

managator 5

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:53

He wanted the bitch all to him self.

siljeeehaa 10

Sunday 26 October 2014 22:07

Not sure if you mean the dog or the mother

middlenamefrank 8

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:53

Look....it's her home, and I'm guessing you're never giving her any time in the house by herself. People need alone time sometimes, especially in their own home. Get a job, find a friend to do things with, or just go down to the dock and watch the boats for a while. I've had roommates who never, ever give me any time to myself in my own home, and it makes me crazy.

Rainhawk94 27

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:56

The escalated quickly

ksuth 25

Sunday 26 October 2014 16:25

Off topic, but if they're your roommates and contribute to household finances wouldn't it be their home too...?

Ltsdragons 19

Sunday 26 October 2014 17:41

Yeah but... Being OP's mother, you can't really just kick out your child to have some time to yourself. I understand it's her house, but it's also the house OP is and was raised in. And just leaving your child outside because you wanted time to yourself doesn't really have much of a good ring to it

junkman6 22

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:54

Peanut butter talk?

tournamentdecide 33

Monday 27 October 2014 2:21

If you ain't talkin peanut butter I don't wanna talk.

joe3_fml 15

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:54

Time for some counselling and some priorities to be straightened out.

tony1891 22

Sunday 26 October 2014 15:01

and i thought dog was mans best friend.

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my mother and wife are arguing over raising our baby Catholic or Church of England. They’re mad at each other and as a bonus they’re both mad at me because I’m non-religious and genuinely don’t care which made-up religion they try to raise her in, I’m just enjoying being a dad over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 155

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 473

The Top

Today, my kids have watched Encanto about 37 times. When they aren’t watching the movie, they ask to hear the soundtrack. When they aren’t listening to it in the house, they ask to hear it in the car. I’m starting to hear these songs in my nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 251

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 969

You deserved it 6 174

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 527

You deserved it 1 988

Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 273

You deserved it 3 646

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 483

You deserved it 4 248

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 121