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Saturday 30 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

#20568124
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47921) - you deserved it (4926)

On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46022) - you deserved it (4603)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

#20565460
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47750) - you deserved it (16044)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

#20559101
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35033) - you deserved it (6009)

On 03/25/2013 at 4:48am - money - by PrayingForMoney - United States (California)

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

#20567111
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37807) - you deserved it (14704)

On 03/30/2013 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42498) - you deserved it (17924)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

#20561915
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40040) - you deserved it (18234)

On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

#20562346
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72556) - you deserved it (11078)

On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

#20574621
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54557) - you deserved it (18381)

On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (4665)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

#20578323
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50245) - you deserved it (9560)

On 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by ziggers10 - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

#20567871
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52573) - you deserved it (4865)

On 03/31/2013 at 2:24am - misc - by BornInTheWrongEra (woman) - United States

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48000) - you deserved it (8200)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)



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