Today, as a student reporter for our college newspaper, I interviewed... - FML

By texasrose921 - 19/2/2016 04:51 - United States - Springfield

Today, as a student reporter for our college newspaper, I interviewed the president of my university. I was surprised to get an interview with him, and because of my nerves, as soon as I walked into his office I tripped over my own feet and fell face first into the ground. FML

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Live dumping

Weird kid

Hello everyone!

By hrs220 - 21/5/2016 21:55 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML

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By dontgothere - 23/2/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

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By unitythemene - 4/7/2019 22:00

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. FML

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By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/2/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2019 15:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

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By badtiming - 3/3/2015 17:18 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 21:46 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a cute, new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

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By crapcrapcrap - 14/3/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a guy I really like. He completely ignored me. FML

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By diamondsareforever - 18/7/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

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By worksucker - 5/7/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 21:15 - United States

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

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By anonymous - 3/1/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

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By Ima in Hungary - 22/3/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 16:40 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

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By >.> - 12/12/2013 05:31 - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

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By BERNDTOAST - 27/3/2015 15:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

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By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

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By cjbutterfly96 - 17/12/2015 15:54 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

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By jessmess - 1/8/2012 16:44 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

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By terrified - 9/8/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

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By Johnny on the Spot - 12/2/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 17:36 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

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By crazymirrors - 28/7/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that we should go to the carnival in the Bizarre House place where there were a lot of crazy mirrors. I checked myself out in one of the mirrors. Then my boyfriend says "That will probably be the only time you will ever look that skinny." FML

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By crawfo - 31/8/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

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By anonymouss - 21/9/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

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By mcadabax - 5/11/2011 11:06 - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2019 22:00

Today, I let my 19-year-old son drive my Lexus to his date. At 11:00 p.m., I watched him pull into the driveway with a broken taillight, marks and scratches all over the car, the front bumper missing, and him being nearly passed out because he's so drunk. FML

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By William Johnson - 26/12/2013 23:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

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By anne - 30/7/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

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By Brad - 5/7/2020 20:01

Home invasion

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

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Top comments

By heavenlyassbutt | 11

#6540616 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:28

Is that you Ms Steele?

By KereKris | 25

#6540629 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:35

So you are now in a BDSM relationship with him?

COMMENTS

By heavenlyassbutt | 11

#6540616 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:28

Is that you Ms Steele?

Reply

smarsh7979 | 13

#6540645 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:57

That's the first thing I thought of too when I read it! Lol

Reply

ajahchenae | 15

#6540667 - Friday 19 February 2016 17:20

I thought the same thing

Reply

CyndiHouse3 | 5

#6540680 - Friday 19 February 2016 17:49

That's what I thought too. lmao

Reply

trellz17 | 19

#6540687 - Friday 19 February 2016 18:03

You beat me to it!

Reply

megansheeran | 21

#6540760 - Friday 19 February 2016 20:31

Your username makes this comment so much better than it already was.

Reply

whysobeachy | 37

#6540762 - Friday 19 February 2016 20:37

That's a lot of people admitting to having read the (first) book. I'm among them.

Reply

GAeroNKissR | 26

#6540798 - Friday 19 February 2016 22:10

no shame in admitting that was my first thought too! I love the series

By booman342 | 13

#6540617 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:28

Just use it as a way to break the ice, and consider it a laughing point to relax yourself.

By floup_fml | 13

#6540618 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:28

Hopefully he found it funny and the interview continued without any problems. Be cool next time

By Tommy214 | 20

#6540619 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:29

as long as you still got the interview right?

By Strawburryemma01 | 14

#6540620 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:29

that must suck. hope your face is okay!

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6540635 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:41

The OP's face had to bedridden, and they visit it daily in the hospital.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6540638 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:44

*be

By bigbluetardis | 21

#6540621 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:29

Well that was quite an entrance

By The21Fates | 4

#6540622 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:31

Sounds very... 50 shades of grey like.. Ana is that you?

Reply

onehottmess | 9

#6540733 - Friday 19 February 2016 19:44

that was my exact thought as I was reading the post

By The_Potato_Lord | 15

#6540623 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:31

Haha

By fuckfuckityfuck | 16

#6540625 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:33

I bet that he was just as surprised as you were.

By LPac5295 | 27

#6540628 - Friday 19 February 2016 15:34

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Mistakes happen and at least you didn't do something like hit your head on his desk or anything.