Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML
FML - The Follow-Up
kimftwxox tells us more.
Yeah I know it was stupid, but I'm a good person.. I help work at social care and I hate seeing people upset. It was all in good intention, fair enough I maybe shouldn't have spoke to him and I deserved what I got I was only trying to be nice in the end. And saying I copied jesus' story is pathetic.
Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML
spekledworf tells us more.
Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML
rockyrocket tells us more.
hey guys, I didn't have room to write this in my post, but I was visiting another town 60 minutes away from mine, so I couldn't just go home and wait, and the office was closed that day so I couldn't wait there bebcause no one would be there until the orthodontist arrived. So I was pretty much out of luck :p
Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML
HFCS tells us more.
HFCS 4
Hey everyone, this is the OP here. I didn't intend to create a profile or reply to any of this, but I just checked it for the first time since posting, and I'm kind of blown away. First off, I'd really, honestly like to thank everyone for being so nice about this. I wasn't sure what to expect, but this has been great. Thank you. I find the results of this FML to be pretty interesting. It seems like well over 90% of the girls that have commented think that I did the right thing and that it's more of the girl's loss than mine that she "let such a sweet guy go". For the guys, I think it's intriguing that it falls into either "Yeah, you f'ed up, buddy. Your fault for letting that happen" or "Yeah, this just happened to me too. I feel you, man". And, of course, a few people attacking me like I'm some kind of villain in this scenario and was insincere about my feelings and intentions, like I was trying to manipulate her or something. This actually happened a year ago (when I was 22), and it was my first "almost" relationship. I've always been a pretty lonely, introverted guy, and the thought of having a girlfriend has always been pretty ridiculous for me because I know that girls just don't tend to be interested in geeky, bookish fellows like myself, despite our generally kind demeanours. Maybe that'll change one day, but probably not for a while. I like to think I'm like the Toyota Corolla of guys: a very reliable, low-maintenance choice, but probably too boring at an age when what you want is excitement. Then, this girl came into my life, and I had one of the happiest months I've ever known while spending time with her. We got along great, spent a lot of time together doing all the lovey-dovey stuff that young relationships have (cooking for each other, having tea breaks together from studying), eventually getting to sleeping over in each others' beds and making out (which, for a guy with little make out experience, is pretty glorious, I've gotta say). Yeah, sure, I know, it was only a month, but when you've spent your entire life alone, this seemed like a pretty big deal at the time. I was really excited about what this relationship could hold for me. Then there was this other guy that the girl's friends knew, and they met. I'm not really sure on what the details were about the whole thing, but he also appeared to be a "sweet guy" type, and he seemed to have greater support and social connection with the girl through her friends (I, of course, didn't, since I don't really have too many friends and met her as a classmate). I met him one time, and I didn't really think too much of it; after talking with him, I thought he was a generally nice person, but not terribly bright and kind of one-dimensional (he seemed to be all about rock climbing or something). One morning at 2AM, I'm lying in bed, and I get the phone call as described in my FML. I listen to what's being said to me in perfect polite silence, but I can feel my heart getting stressed like it's about to get pulled apart. I was also torn about what to say. "Do I tell her to pick me?" "Do I tell her that I love her?" "WHAT DO I DO?" I couldn't decide what I could do about this (after all, can you force someone to love you?), so I told her to choose whoever would make her happiest. If nothing else, I thought that if at least she didn't pick me, she would still be happy, and it felt like the most correct thing to say at that moment. I know we hadn't been going out for a long time, but I was still confident that I was a better choice for her than this other guy. I thought I could do better than him, and I thought that she knew that. Well, at 4AM, I get a text from her. She had been up late thinking about it, and she told me that she decided to go with him, ending the text message with "I'm so sorry". After reading that text, I could feel my heart dissolving into little bits, my chest aching like someone was stepping on it. I didn't think it was supposed to hurt that much when you get rejected like that, but it did. I was going to have to return to my old state of loneliness and solitude, defeated by this other guy. As time went by, I started to get over it, but it still left a wound. I'm happy that she's still happy and together with the guy (even though I still think I could do better than him), but I'm still hurt that given the choice, I wasn't taken (ESPECIALLY since it was pretty much my first relationship after being alone for so long). One year later, here I am, no other girls in sight (pretty much as predicted), and I still wondered if I did the right thing. Browsing FML, I decide "What the hey, why not?" and post the story to see what reaction I'd get. And now I know. So, thanks, everyone. You've been great in helping me get some perspective on this.
Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML
heathersmorin tells us more.
Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML
meh_dot tells us more.
Since I am now bored, drunk and everybody has loooong ceased to care, I'm going to actually respond to make myself feel a little bit better and no one else. @#105: Hell no! That I don't wish on anybody in the world (for the poor old lady on wikipedia it's too late of course). It's only acrokeratosis, but still... @all the religious numbskulls who were offended by that one word an anonymous guy posted somewhere on the internet and their opponents who thought that was a nice point to start another massive debate, which doesn't really come as a surprise, but come on! story goes like this: my hyper-esoteric mom found that with all the science and doctors and stuff, her side was kinda underrepresented. So she NAGGED me into seeing some healer dude who basically wished the lesions away, intensely so. Yeah right. Might as well have drawn pentagrams or sacrificed goats or prayed to a wizard in the sky for all the good that did. For me: same thing really. Not a bad thing that is, but it only works if you genuinely believe in it. Like that placebo effect thingie. I chose the witchcraft for convenience mainly and because it contrasted the other useless measures nicely. @the [do not want]-lick comments: haha. If it's funny the first time, it must be so next time too, right? Point is, if I had put my tounge in an inapropriate place, I would have posted so, with much pride. And everybody could have hit that 'deserved it' button to no end. That's why I specifically wrote unknown reasons. And why would I lick toads? They'd be effing hard to find in this climate but the weed and funny mushrooms grow well and everybody's quite laid-back about it. So there. @#102: Yes! Love it! And it's so accurate. See kids, this is how mutations work on humans in real life. And then you surf the web and mess up natural selection with online dating (not that I did). Hur hur hur. @everybodies genuinely empathic statements & ironic comments. Thx a lot! Heartwarming; made my day.
Today, my boyfriend and I flew to another country to see a concert. He said he'd carry all the cash and tickets in his wallet, so I left my bag at the hotel. He got so drunk, five minutes into the show he took off leaving me stranded in a strange city with no means of getting back to the hotel. FML
givemechange tells us more.
Im the OP. Here's a bit more information on what happened, as the fml format only allows 300 characters. We were going to a Slayer and Megadeath show, so I dont know if anyone who said "bring your purse, der," has ever been to a heavy metal show, but its not exactly the safest place to be carrying around a bag as it can easily be lost/stolen/ripped off of you in the craziness of the mosh pit. Also, it was Barcelona, which is notorious for pick pockets/thieves. The reason I gave my boyfriend all my money/ticket is because we live togather, have been dating for a long time, obviously I trust him, and know that he can take care of himself as he is trained in JuJitsu and MMA. Not that kind of guy you would pick pocket. And for whomever said " Why didnt you just follow him, der," well that would be because his stupid ass left me while I was in the bathroom and he was suppose to be waiting outside holding my drink. I did have my key to the hotel room, which was my only life line, and eventually found a cab driver nice and sympathetic enough to take me back to the hotel free of charge, because at this point I was cleary distraut. Yes, my boyfriend was selfish, moronic, careless and a being a drunk bafoon, but the story has a happy ending, I'm alive and well. ( And this was the first time anything like this has ever happened.)
Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML
myselfami tells us more.
Okay, I was pretty unclear about specifics on this FML. The runner was barely tapped by the front bumper of my car. He fell, got back up, and limped off somewhere. The guy that was behind me doesn't have insurance. I have five stitches in my forehead from bashing it against the steering wheel. Kind of wish I wouldn't have stopped, honestly.
Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML
Kingspin tells us more.
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
Angel1000168 tells us more.
Angel1000168 16
Ok, guys, OP here. In answer to all the questions/statements about which was smaller, it was the ring. Sorry for not making that clear. And he didn't stink the ring around his balls, he sticky-taped it. My fingers are not that big. Sorry about not making that clear either but the limited words made that tricky. I said no, of course, as I don't want a man that thinks I have that sort of mind or personality. I have gone through every aspect of my relationship with that man and haven't found anything that suggested that I wanted to be proposed to in that manner. Thanks for all your advice!
Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML
PFCdavila tells us more.
Today, while sleeping, I heard an explosion. My neighbor then knocked on my door and informed me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to put this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare. FML
Leverathin tells us more.
For anyone that's following this, the cops were called. I was on the phone with my insurance company due to him not having any kind of insurance. Next thing I know the cops are busting into the building with shields and rifles
Today, I realised how poor I am when I found myself fishing out a two dollar coin someone had left behind in a public toilet bowl. FML
youshitme tells us more.
Hello all ... I've just seen the comments on this ... There were quite a few comments assuming that since I fished out a 2 buck coin from a dunny, that I'd be an unemployed dole bludger. I've never been on any sort of welfare. The previous comment of Sydney being a very expensive city to live in was correct. I don't earn that much, generally between $700-$1100 a week, depending on how busy work is, but I've never been a 'dole bludger', I work very hard, thank you very much.
Today, I got a call from the police dept. My ex-boyfriend is applying for a job there, and they called me to ask if he was "a good candidate for a police officer." I had to start my day off by saying great, nice things about the guy who broke my heart and completely disrespected me. FML
karmaplz tells us more.
karmaplz 3
I feel the need to clear up some of this discussion! First of all--thanks to all these anon. people for defending me. I honestly submitted this immediately after getting the phone call @ 8:30 am, never thinking it'd be posted. Secondly-- is he a bad guy? No. I'm sure if being a cop is what he wants to do, and has his heart in it, he'll do great at his job. As far as the disrespect: it got to a point where I wasn't valued as a person, and some very vulgar, vile, rude and hurtful things were said/done to me, that wouldn't have been done if I was respected for who I am. If I was seen as a human with a heart and feelings, these things wouldn't have been done. Can I say that this will never happen to another female? No. Do I think he's pure evil? No. Saying bad things would have been purely vengeful and ruined a potential career. Also, I wasn't listed a reference, they required names and phone numbers of "significant relationships"--- I was asked if there was ever an assault between us, and about his moral character. That's it. I've had a seriously great laugh over realizing this was actually posted, and loved reading all the comments. Thanks!
Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML
magoo16 tells us more.
magoo16 6
I wrote this FML and... I'm not fat actually, she drew a cow and put a human head on it that actually looked like me. It wasn't the cow part but the head part that looked like me, and she only drew me as a cow because she calls me "Morgy Moo Moo". So no it's not my fault and i shouldn't "Go on a diet" and no i do not have low self-esteem. I just thought it was pretty funny she drew me as a cow! :)
Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML
mariet_fml tells us more.
Holy hell, I forgot that this made it to the site. To answer some questions: This happened several years ago. My sister is a soldier, was deployed, bomb went off, lost her leg. I'm not going into details because it's still difficult to discuss. She has a desk job now and gets around fine on a prosthetic. We did not break up directly because of this. We had a huge row and I threw him out of my apartment. I didn't speak to him for a week. He apologized, said he just felt awkward and didn't know what to say, and I forgave him. We broke up later for different reasons. Mostly he is a nice guy, he had never shown any kind of insensitivity before this (he even came with me to my grandmother's funeral) but this was a bonehead moment. Some people suggested that I "know it's funny." In a hypothetical situation, it is funny. After she went through physical and emotional therapy, it is funny. I was reminded of this event because we went to IHOP and she jokingly asked for an application, saying she is automatically qualified. But at that moment, when I was in shock and could barely breathe? Nothing was funny. When you hear this kind of news and you are not even sure if your sister is going to live, she is the only one that can cheer you up. So **** you guys.
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
mom21_fml tells us more.
WOW. First off, the only reason I posted this was because I called my husband to tell him about this and he thought itd be funny to post this on here. Now I wish I hadn't. Most of you people are more dramatic than my daughter. I made an account to defend my child. She's five. She was just being silly...
Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML
MissCommunicate tells us more.
I am only seventeen, and that's how I found out. My parents were then quick to give me the "talk".
Today, while in my doctor's packed waiting room, an elderly woman insisted I take her seat. I thanked her, but politely declined. She began to yell, saying I was "ungrateful", until I sat down. She then left, laughing, as I discovered that she peed in the chair. Apparently, she does this often. FML
Summer_Jane tells us more.
Seriously - you guys rock. I laughed waaay too much reading all your comments. And for all you guys who were asking how did I not notice the pee? -- Yeah, I keep asking myself that, too. - It was one of those crazy patterned (ugly) cushioned chairs, so I couldn't tell it was damp. I_did_smell something, but doctors' offices have a lot of smells (as do elderly people...), so I didn't really think about it too much. But yeah...next time I'm assuming the worst.
Today, I got home from my holidays to find my flatmate has moved his girlfriend in without asking me. Not only does she walk around naked, she has also redecorated the rooms. FML
iluvpeanutbutter tells us more.
Hi everyone, I'm the OP here- I know this is ridiculously late, but whenever I tried to post when this was new, FML wouldn't let me. Anyway, the situation was that my boyfriend and I were living together, and a mutual male friend moved in with us as he and his ex had broken up. He started dating another girl, and 6 weeks after they started dating (while we were on holiday), we got home and found she had moved in without our permission. She had left crap all over the place, and moved a bunch of our stuff into cupboards (e.g. artwork, vases, books etc) and replaced it with her own stuff. As we had furnished the entire house, we were pretty pissed off. We were gone for 2 weeks. When we got home, she was walking down the hallway naked, and in the following days often walked naked from our flatmate's bedroom to the bathroom, or would just wander around the house in a bikini. She isn't hot; she looks like an absolute tramp. I've seen classier hookers on their corners. She was just an all-around cow. She didn't have a job, so she just used all our stuff (including my expensive toiletries). She had just turned vegetarian, and would pitch bitch fits if we cooked meat in the house (so I made steaks every other night). They ended up moving out about a month later.
Today, I was out with my boyfriend, and I had an epileptic fit. He had never seen me have one, and it freaked him out. He rang me later to dump me, as he didn't want to go out with someone who acted like a 'spaz' in public. FML
gmarina789 tells us more.
gmarina789 10
Hey guys, thanks for posting all your comments, I have read them all. Firstly i'd like to say that epilepsy is a condition that can't be helped, so i'm kind of stuck with it and its not necessarily genetic. I am proud of who I am and I wouldn't change who I am even if I could. Secondly, I did tell my ex that I had epilepsy, I told him straight away so he was aware of my condition; to not tell him would have been unfair. Thirdly thanks to all the people who understand what its like and have written messages of support, I really appreciate it. To those who have written 'negative' comments, you are entitled to your own opinion, just don't share it with me. Being called a 'spaz' or saying that 'i'm sick' or 'not normal' is uncalled for. I'm currently studying Medicine at Birmingham Uni to try and help those like me, and all i'm going to say is how ironic would it be if one of you who have said i'm 'not normal' came into a hospital where I was working and I saved your life...I guess you wouldn't be saying stuff then. Again, thanks for all the positive comments :)
Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he was done, he asked if his apology earned him enough points for a blowjob. FML
IHateDumbExs tells us more.
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with a voice card. It said "Marry me Amber?" I'm not Amber. That's his ex. FML
Today, I posted a status on Facebook saying I was depressed and needed someone to talk to. Someone commented on it saying "Just kill yourself". It got 20 likes. FML
Zmeilerr tells us more.
Zmeilerr 22
Thank you guys for all the advice/comments. I think it was just a bunch of dumb idiots from my school just messing around, but nonetheless, I took it seriously. Again thanks.
Today, I went to school prepared to speak in front of a whole bunch of kids and talk about how great my middle school is. I spent an hour on the speech and took the 45 minute drive there. Turns out the coordinator of the school only called me in to pass out brochures. FML
gottaloveit97 tells us more.
I wrote this before I made an account. I just wanted to say that I wasn't detailed enough. She told me we were speaking. I no I didn't misunderstand because there were other girls and they made notecards. anyway thank you for the responses to my FML and btw, for whoever asked up above, yah I go to a gifted kids middle school :) thank you !!
Today, I'm getting over strep throat. The antibiotics they gave me make me have diarrhea unless I eat yogurt in between each pill. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't lactose-intolerant. Yogurt gives me really bad gas. So I have to choose between painful gas or diarrhea. FML
anon7113 tells us more.
One, I do take an enzyme to help me break down food. It's called Similase. Both acidophilus (sp?) and lactaid don't work for me at all. I've tried. Two, even if yogurt doesn't have lactose in it, it doesn't change the fact that it gives me very painful gas. Three, my mother won't take me to get soy yogurt. Four, I would have asked the pharmacist for a substitute, had I been the one picking up my medication. Unfortunately, my mother didn't realize the problem when the pharmacist was explaining the "eat some yogurt to help with diarrhea side effects" part. Five, whoever said to get a different pill is obviously not good in this area. Most antibiotics can cause diarrhea and the only way to get rid of the strep bacteria is to take antibiotics. So really, I don't have much choice about the pill. Just some clarifications. Thanks. :)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
Melime88 tells us more.
Melime88 0
I must say it's a bit amusing how serious you guys took it. I'm the one who did this FML and it was mostly meant to be amusing and funny. At first I took it as an insult, but it is really a compliment. I'm proud of my butt!
Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML
RebelBorn89 tells us more.
Today, on my way home from a Christmas party, the cab I was in was hit in the side. After making sure everyone was okay, the cab driver informed me that I'd still have to pay the cab fare, which he'd kept running. FML
elizabethcas tells us more.
Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML
Olive14 tells us more.
Olive14 0
Haha, alright, I'm gonna try to clear this up. It wasn't my car. We were with two guys and it was the guy she was hooking up with's car. I was sitting in the front seat talking with the other guy (you know, 'cause I kinda have this thing where I DON'T hook up with guys I've just met), when we heard sounds from the back and realized they were *******. It's freezing here this time of year, so there was nowhere to go and it was wayyyy too cold to get out of the car. Most. Awkward. Moment. Of. My. Life.