Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with...

By kimftwxox - 3/5/2011 02:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML

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kimftwxox tells us more :

Yeah I know it was stupid, but I'm a good person.. I help work at social care and I hate seeing people upset. It was all in good intention, fair enough I maybe shouldn't have spoke to him and I deserved what I got I was only trying to be nice in the end. And saying I copied jesus' story is pathetic.

Miscellaneous

Boom, headshot

Inspirational tale

No justice

By CheesyCasey - 30/5/2013 00:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

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By Evjoel - 28/6/2016 10:34 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

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By you'vegotmail(not) - 18/4/2014 23:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

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By Apparentlycreepy - 3/3/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

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By dukemisery - 12/12/2016 09:33 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

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By c*nt - 13/4/2012 23:14 - Canada - London

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Aiaiii - 3/6/2010 07:55 - Germany

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By tine - 16/11/2014 09:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 13:30

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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By sweetlilthing - 31/5/2020 17:00

Understandable

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

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By Madison Gliosci - 16/8/2018 14:30

Today, I’m spending my 21st birthday in the hospital getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming "I meant it!" FML

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By WalkingTalkingCarrot - 27/6/2011 02:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

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By Username - 23/6/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

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By kumcat - 11/1/2015 05:57 - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

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By Jess - 20/8/2019 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I called my boyfriend. He answered with, "Hey, I'll call you back when this goes to commercial." FML

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By jruth7 - 15/5/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

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By Tasha84 - 20/11/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

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By Knottywoman - 3/9/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Jerf - 24/6/2009 00:56 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By LonelyShowers - 4/7/2012 05:36 - United States - Mission Hills

Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Noname - 6/3/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

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By Fartfail - 18/4/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

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By racking-leaves - 14/11/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

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By footstuck - 13/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Winterville

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

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By harrysolo - 19/7/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

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By ...... - 16/5/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

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By shelby - 30/3/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By 0h_Boy - 4/3/2020 18:00

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

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By Stuckwiththebill - 28/1/2018 01:30

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By mathesonn - 29/5/2014 23:32 - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

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By sarahijklmnop - 15/11/2012 01:04 - United States - Louisville

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

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By RedLion23 - 3/11/2009 20:08 - United Kingdom

Today, good news! The guitar I have been saving up for, for 5 months, finally arrived. It came inside a beautiful black and white case, and impossible to get into without the key. They didn't pack the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By friendless1004 - 12/11/2015 16:55 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

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Top comments

By kimftwxox | 0

#2452046 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 12:54

By nadimishka | 8

#5734182 - Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:01

Nothing wrong with being a good person, OP. Blessing and a curse sometimes.

COMMENTS

By lickerassholes | 0

#2451418 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:56

I am first

By xdust | 4

#2451420 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:56

first!

By Matty1188 | 6

#2451424 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

At least you tried.

sterlingarcher | 1

#2451442 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:01

yeah at least u were nice

eprieto | 0

#2451497 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:12

old people suck

largefoofighter | 0

#2451506 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Death_From_Above | 0

#2451553 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:24

never trust a homeless man with a beer!

ydi_4_suking | 20

#2451586 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:36

no just dont talk to people you dont know unless you absolutley have to. being nice isnt worth shit in this world anymore. it now has consequences with it

imlagginglol | 0

#2451589 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:36

"So yeah after I lost my house I went into a drinking rage and now I will have to take your wallet to support this habbit I am sorry"

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#2451733 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:26

YDI for trying to copy a story Jebus told.

lareske | 0

#2451779 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:55

Just goes to show that being nice and helping people doesn't pay. It only costs you in the end. You know what to do next time keep going and don't stop.

TookaWooka666 | 0

#2451784 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:56

Now if only the OP would have tried harder not to get mugged, but still that sucks.

ryukensfj | 5

#2452145 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 13:24

just do the same thing. sit down and pretend to cry and mug the next person that tries to be nice to you.

Mitcha857 | 0

#2452511 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 15:46

18 wtf he did it to be selfish? how the hell does that work? who would be watching him to make him get recognized? it's funny cause now your point is invalid!

TroII | 0

#2452841 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 16:58

Nice guys finish last....

FarSide | 22

#2453327 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:25

You couldn't whip the ass of an 80 year-old drunk who was already sitting down?

Yea, I would have to say.... FYL.

By The_Voytek_Bear | 14

#2451430 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

You generally avoid people drinking outside...

RaineLee | 5

#2451842 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 11:37

4 - Yeah I would too :/

atlas22 | 0

#2452498 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 15:43

So true, so true

turkturkington | 13

#5734360 - Tuesday 29 October 2013 21:18

By mariazzz | 5

#2451431 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:59

fyl I think twice about helping homeless people...

hypnotiq_trini | 0

#2451629 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:49

Where did they say he was homeless? The op just stated the were old. plus, homeless people have feelings and rights too, don't stereo-type them all because of a few.

mariazzz | 5

#2451636 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:53

yes true I assumed he was homeless. my bad... I've had a few experiences with some nasty ones. that's why I said I think twice. I do and have helped however.