Miscellaneous: Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with...

By kimftwxox - 03/05/2011 02:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 9 659

kimftwxox tells us more.

kimftwxox 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 12:54

Yeah I know it was stupid, but I'm a good person.. I help work at social care and I hate seeing people upset. It was all in good intention, fair enough I maybe shouldn't have spoke to him and I deserved what I got I was only trying to be nice in the end. And saying I copied jesus' story is pathetic.

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Our house, in the middle of our street

Late term

By pissedchick - 07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 2 677

Great tip, thanks

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 07:10 - United States - Cedar Crest

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 40 894

Distressed

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 02:01

Today, my colleague pointed out with a disgusted look on his face that I'm wearing 90s clothes again. Just like every time he sees me. What does he mean by 90s clothes? Jeans. Literally any pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 57

Classic

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 17:01 - New Zealand

Today, I pulled up to an intersection behind a car waiting to turn left and we missed a whole set of lights. As I was getting frustrated that they weren’t going when the light was green, I realised I was waiting behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 936

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 11:05 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 541

You deserved it 5 362

By wherefelix - 03/07/2009 08:01 - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 9 470

Sex, Different idea

By BloodyButUnbowed - 24/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was "Is it hot?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 547

By Tylerdirdin84 - 28/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 140

Stay at home

By allidoiswrkwrkwrknomttrwht - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my request to have off on Thanksgiving for the first time in 6 years was denied, because I work the evening shift every year on Thanksgiving and that's convenient for everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 622

You deserved it 802

By elcee1987 - 06/10/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 918

You deserved it 2 261

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 148

You deserved it 65 059

By allison_fishing - 25/10/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 1 825

By FML - 15/07/2009 14:29 - Syrian Arab Republic

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 591

You deserved it 5 279

By nobodywasthere - 29/11/2017 01:30

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 180

You deserved it 408

By Matt - 28/04/2012 18:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 276

You deserved it 15 670

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 374

By nerdygirl101 - 13/03/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 596

You deserved it 4 286

By arthise - 09/10/2013 07:03 - United States - Evansville

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 951

You deserved it 17 142

By Anonymous - 10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 170

You deserved it 11 947

By FoodNeeded - 25/08/2016 02:24 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 499

You deserved it 2 037

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:07 - United States

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 246

You deserved it 4 390

By friendless - 06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 189

By SaraSkyWolf - 17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 771

You deserved it 1 256

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 346

You deserved it 6 805

By imaginationdarling - 13/05/2014 23:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 420

You deserved it 7 232

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 507

You deserved it 6 702

By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/06/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 131

You deserved it 7 213

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 07:05 - United States - Madison

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 208

By misc - 20/11/2010 10:40 - Australia

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 663

You deserved it 8 285

By Lauren - 09/08/2011 13:48 - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 434

You deserved it 8 670

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 03:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 421

You deserved it 643

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 483

You deserved it 6 180

By ...thanks - 07/09/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 587

You deserved it 4 863

By OhJoy - 02/11/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 203

You deserved it 4 212

By Noname - 22/02/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 379

You deserved it 76 340

By emoney - 19/05/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 989

You deserved it 3 683

By thisguy - 24/02/2012 01:54 - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 349

You deserved it 43 088

By hobbit - 22/05/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 481

You deserved it 13 957

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

nadimishka 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 October 2013 18:01

Nothing wrong with being a good person, OP. Blessing and a curse sometimes.

Matty1188 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

At least you tried.

lickerassholes 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:56

I am first

xdust 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:56

first!

Matty1188 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

At least you tried.

sterlingarcher 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:01

yeah at least u were nice

eprieto 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:12

old people suck

largefoofighter 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Death_From_Above 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:24

never trust a homeless man with a beer!

ydi_4_suking 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:36

no just dont talk to people you dont know unless you absolutley have to. being nice isnt worth shit in this world anymore. it now has consequences with it

imlagginglol 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:36

"So yeah after I lost my house I went into a drinking rage and now I will have to take your wallet to support this habbit I am sorry"

mfmylifesrsly 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:26

YDI for trying to copy a story Jebus told.

lareske 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:55

Just goes to show that being nice and helping people doesn't pay. It only costs you in the end. You know what to do next time keep going and don't stop.

TookaWooka666 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 10:56

Now if only the OP would have tried harder not to get mugged, but still that sucks.

ryukensfj 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 13:24

just do the same thing. sit down and pretend to cry and mug the next person that tries to be nice to you.

Mitcha857 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 15:46

18 wtf he did it to be selfish? how the hell does that work? who would be watching him to make him get recognized? it's funny cause now your point is invalid!

TroII 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 16:58

Nice guys finish last....

FarSide 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:25

You couldn't whip the ass of an 80 year-old drunk who was already sitting down? Yea, I would have to say.... FYL.

The_Voytek_Bear 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:58

You generally avoid people drinking outside...

RaineLee 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 11:37

4 - Yeah I would too :/

atlas22 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 15:43

So true, so true

turkturkington 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 29 October 2013 21:18

mariazzz 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 8:59

fyl I think twice about helping homeless people...

hypnotiq_trini 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:49

Where did they say he was homeless? The op just stated the were old. plus, homeless people have feelings and rights too, don't stereo-type them all because of a few.

mariazzz 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2011 9:53

yes true I assumed he was homeless. my bad... I've had a few experiences with some nasty ones. that's why I said I think twice. I do and have helped however.