greet him with bacon grease and a hot pan.

op how was the bacon cooking WHILE you were asleep?

Lmao I was actually about to ask who was making the bacon...

damn i wish i knew what 1 said

My mom decided to get up early and make some breakfast. I got up, went upstairs, heard something wierd at the door and let my mom know.

Obviously 83 lives alone... It's called someone else was cooking the bacon. It's not rocket science.

83 you mom was cooking the bacon

hahahahaha lol

That dickhead wanted some damn bacon...

I want bacon so much now

hahaha

OP, you should have waited for him to get in and stand behind the door with a frying pan. The look on his face if he had saw you LOL.

lol^^

sooo...the bacon was frying while you were sleeping? makes sense

LOL, whaattt...

Today, I was walking by a house when I smelled burning bacon. I thought the owner must've fallen asleep with the stove on, so I picked the lock. She wasn't asleep. FML

he wrote "first!"

If there was someone in your house cooking bacon, why didn't they notice that someone was trying to break in?

hahahahah nice(:

totally agree! wait til he walks in and BAM! shotgun blast to the grill yo!

Win!...or use the frying pan

This...Is My BOOMSTICK! It's a 12 gauge double barrel remington, S-mart's top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. Walnut stock, cobalt blue steel. Thats right, this sweet baby was made in grand rapids Michigan. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.

That was a good one!

that has got to be the best reply ever

A shotgun blast to the face would stop the problem, but replace it with another: massive gory mess of brains, blood, bits of skull all over your kitchen. I'm not sure if the Merry Maid service covers bio hazards. There are "home defender" shot gun shells specifically for killing intruders with less mess.

101 - Do you mean 10g Deer Slug rounds?

I always use Charlie Sheen rounds. More tiger blood.

It causes your target's face to melt off and make their children weep over their exploded body. 2x as effective against people who aren't winning, and 1/2 as effective against people with Adonis DNA

I think you've looked way too much in to this :p

29 - The cleavage is a lie!

lol, photoshop fail

53 - What photoshop fail?

56- The tits

58 - There was no photoshop involved, just a pushup bra.

Yeah, but I bet you losers will still jerk your little penises to her picture. Defend yourselves now, but when you're about to ejaculate all over your keyboard, SirEBC will haunt the back of your mind. That's me saying "I told you so."

29 - The cleavage is a lie! Pushup bras FTL. (FML = Guy sleeping, wakes up and someone has broken into their home.) Ha! I was off topic and on topic!

And of course, the fucking comments would disappear. That is great. Move along people, nothing to see here.

62 - No. There's porn for that.

That's what I was thinking!!! Who made the bacon in the first place?! I love bacon<3

yeah, but OP doesn't say the guy actually broke in. plus, there was bacon. Bacon = no FML.

No cleavage looks like that naturally, only if you have a boob job and that isn't natural. She probably has a bra with intense padding and in reality her boobs are AA.

stfu 62 no one said anything to her what are u talking about.

Maybe someone commented before and then deleted it? He said "and then all the fucking comments would disappear". He's basically trying to help the girl. Don't be an ass. Because obviously people are masturbating to her picture anyways. XP

Probably some vegetarian bacon-haters! lol

I'm a vegetarian but I'll be goddamned if bacon isn't delicious.

instead of obviously directing attention to your very exposed due to a few zippers chest on a picture, how about you just make some bacon :)

I don't see how bacon was relevant to the FML anyway XD Maybe OP figured that putting bacon in his story would make it awesome. Well OP, it worked :D Everyone loves bacon. Even vegetarians apparently XP

that's not nice mr

bacon is always relevant. ALWAYS

^^ You have that look in your eye... That look that makes me think a lazer is about to shoot out of it.

oh damn you're right^^^

Woah

or a good dickhead.

Dickhead in the fryingpan and bacon trying to hack open the door?

holy shit you don't own a facebook! weird-o.

Holy shit, you looked at my profile? Weirdo! ...Just kidding.

and now I don't understand why my comment was moderated? people can tear each other into emotional shreds that have nothing to do with the actual FML, but I can't state that I don't understand the point of why this one was chosen over others?