Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon...

By Kingspin - 30/3/2011 16:14 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36578

You deserved it

2910

Favorite

Kingspin Say more :

...How would I explain the third degree burns and traces of bacon grease? And he ran off luckily.

Miscellaneous

Previous FML Next FML

The show must go on!

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By UTTU | 0

#2267914 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:55

Let him go to sleep hearing the sound of a 12 gauge.

By underpaid011 | 0

#2268038 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:25

open the door then splash the very hot bacon grease on the asshole. then say "pick that mother fucker" and for good measure kick him square in the sack, then in the face and ribs.

then call the cops. don't forget to say "i was terrified!! I thought the guy was going to break in and kill me!!".

blame the face and rib injuries on him "falling down".

Comments

By Doomire | 0

#2267904 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:53

FIRST!!!!

kyarush | 10

#2268309 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:00

greet him with bacon grease and a hot pan.

ChantelRenaeee | 0

#2268746 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 23:14

op how was the bacon cooking WHILE you were asleep?

Matthew22666 | 0

#2268884 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 23:55

Lmao I was actually about to ask who was making the bacon...

freddyisepic | 2

#2268919 - Thursday 31 March 2011 0:03

damn i wish i knew what 1 said

Kingspin | 0

#2268923 - Thursday 31 March 2011 0:04

My mom decided to get up early and make some breakfast. I got up, went upstairs, heard something wierd at the door and let my mom know.

heathersmorin | 0

#2270139 - Thursday 31 March 2011 4:31

Obviously 83 lives alone... It's called someone else was cooking the bacon. It's not rocket science.

BIGxWILL | 0

#2270708 - Thursday 31 March 2011 6:35

83 you mom was cooking the bacon

taleeeeeen | 0

#2271516 - Thursday 31 March 2011 7:28

hahahahaha lol

TheVariableX | 0

#2271758 - Thursday 31 March 2011 9:16

That dickhead wanted some damn bacon...

SchiTzenGiglez | 0

#2271822 - Thursday 31 March 2011 9:43

I want bacon so much now

levraea | 0

#2274325 - Friday 1 April 2011 2:04

hahaha

Fatalally | 4

#2275866 - Friday 1 April 2011 7:39

OP, you should have waited for him to get in and stand behind the door with a frying pan. The look on his face if he had saw you LOL.

By BAMF18 | 0

#2267905 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:53

what an asshole^^

amchan95 | 0

#2267911 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:55

lol^^

princesszeebunny | 0

#2268316 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:02

sooo...the bacon was frying while you were sleeping? makes sense

Perksofbeingawal | 0

#2268521 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 22:13

LOL, whaattt...

182crazyking | 9

#2271607 - Thursday 31 March 2011 7:54

Today, I was walking by a house when I smelled burning bacon. I thought the owner must've fallen asleep with the stove on, so I picked the lock. She wasn't asleep. FML

BAMF18 | 0

#2272336 - Thursday 31 March 2011 14:16

he wrote "first!"

chocobobreeder | 4

#2272360 - Thursday 31 March 2011 14:24

If there was someone in your house cooking bacon, why didn't they notice that someone was trying to break in?

By UTTU | 0

#2267914 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:55

Let him go to sleep hearing the sound of a 12 gauge.

butterflychic | 0

#2267988 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:09

hahahahah nice(:

muffpuncher | 0

#2268132 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:53

totally agree! wait til he walks in and BAM! shotgun blast to the grill yo!

RavenRiley007 | 4

#2268270 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:46

Win!...or use the frying pan

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2268286 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:51

This...Is My BOOMSTICK! It's a 12 gauge double barrel remington, S-mart's top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. Walnut stock, cobalt blue steel. Thats right, this sweet baby was made in grand rapids Michigan. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.

xledellz | 0

#2268659 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 22:56

That was a good one!

country868 | 0

#2268906 - Thursday 31 March 2011 0:00

that has got to be the best reply ever

skyeyez9 | 24

#2269355 - Thursday 31 March 2011 1:11

A shotgun blast to the face would stop the problem, but replace it with another: massive gory mess of brains, blood, bits of skull all over your kitchen. I'm not sure if the Merry Maid service covers bio hazards.
There are "home defender" shot gun shells specifically for killing intruders with less mess.

DoubleEdgedBlade | 4

#2271817 - Thursday 31 March 2011 9:42

101 - Do you mean 10g Deer Slug rounds?

182crazyking | 9

#2313530 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:51

I always use Charlie Sheen rounds. More tiger blood.

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2323669 - Sunday 10 April 2011 6:19

It causes your target's face to melt off and make their children weep over their exploded body. 2x as effective against people who aren't winning, and 1/2 as effective against people with Adonis DNA

Albertrud | 3

#3204576 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 11:09

I think you've looked way too much in to this :p

By cydvicious | 0

#2267925 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:56

whats the FML here? did the guy actually break in? I would have told him to skedaddle and then eaten the bacon someone else was kindly making for me on such a pretty day. was there any coffee?

zinoxity | 23

#2268228 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:37

29 - The cleavage is a lie!

firecapez1 | 0

#2268291 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:54

lol, photoshop fail

zinoxity | 23

#2268320 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:03

53 - What photoshop fail?

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2268333 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:09

56- The tits

zinoxity | 23

#2268351 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:14

58 - There was no photoshop involved, just a pushup bra.

SirEBC | 7

#2268365 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:19

Yeah, but I bet you losers will still jerk your little penises to her picture.

Defend yourselves now, but when you're about to ejaculate all over your keyboard, SirEBC will haunt the back of your mind. That's me saying "I told you so."

zinoxity | 23

#2268370 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:20

29 - The cleavage is a lie! Pushup bras FTL.
(FML = Guy sleeping, wakes up and someone has broken into their home.)
Ha! I was off topic and on topic!

SirEBC | 7

#2268373 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:21

And of course, the fucking comments would disappear. That is great.
Move along people, nothing to see here.

zinoxity | 23

#2268378 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:23

62 - No. There's porn for that.

sailorzoe | 14

#2268567 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 22:24

That's what I was thinking!!! Who made the bacon in the first place?! I love bacon<3

cydvicious | 0

#2269893 - Thursday 31 March 2011 2:55

yeah, but OP doesn't say the guy actually broke in. plus, there was bacon. Bacon = no FML.

shannonreneee | 11

#2270208 - Thursday 31 March 2011 4:48

No cleavage looks like that naturally, only if you have a boob job and that isn't natural. She probably has a bra with intense padding and in reality her boobs are AA.

prince122 | 0

#2272751 - Thursday 31 March 2011 16:19

stfu 62 no one said anything to her what are u talking about.

levraea | 0

#2274358 - Friday 1 April 2011 2:14

Maybe someone commented before and then deleted it? He said "and then all the fucking comments would disappear". He's basically trying to help the girl. Don't be an ass. Because obviously people are masturbating to her picture anyways. XP

By RedPillSucks | 31

#2267947 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 18:59

Who clicked YDI? Was it for the bacon?

Naomiiiii | 0

#2268007 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:16

Probably some vegetarian bacon-haters! lol

daybowbow | 0

#2268091 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:42

I'm a vegetarian but I'll be goddamned if bacon isn't delicious.

LTHoratioCaine | 4

#2268189 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:24

instead of obviously directing attention to your very exposed due to a few zippers chest on a picture, how about you just make some bacon :)

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml | 12

#2268239 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:38

I don't see how bacon was relevant to the FML anyway XD Maybe OP figured that putting bacon in his story would make it awesome. Well OP, it worked :D Everyone loves bacon. Even vegetarians apparently XP

RavenRiley007 | 4

#2268276 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 20:48

that's not nice mr

QueenOfBoredom | 0

#2268855 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 23:47

bacon is always relevant. ALWAYS

Tuesdays76 | 0

#2271531 - Thursday 31 March 2011 7:36

^^ You have that look in your eye... That look that makes me think a lazer is about to shoot out of it.

WallyTheWombat | 0

#2271664 - Thursday 31 March 2011 8:13

oh damn you're right^^^

MyNameIsBruce | 0

#2326669 - Sunday 10 April 2011 20:47

Woah

By nickdunbar | 8

#2267966 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:05

damn thats gotta be good bacon

joe_says_so | 0

#2268406 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:35

or a good dickhead.

Gondile | 4

#2269729 - Thursday 31 March 2011 2:27

Dickhead in the fryingpan and bacon trying to hack open the door?

By DocBastard | 38

#2267972 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:06

Mmmmmm...ass bacon...even tastier than back bacon.

By Tanya33 | 1

#2267974 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:06

He just wanted to steal the bacon. I love the way you worded this. If i was drinking something, i probably would have spit it everywhere.

By DeviousAngel | 13

#2267985 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:08

Well, the bacon's nice anyway! :)

joe_says_so | 0

#2268382 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:25

holy shit you don't own a facebook! weird-o.

DeviousAngel | 13

#2271588 - Thursday 31 March 2011 7:48

Holy shit, you looked at my profile? Weirdo!

...Just kidding.

By zombii7 | 5

#2268004 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 19:16

I don't see the FML here. I understand that it was a nearly perfect morning, but he didn't actually get into your house. YDI for complaining.

zombii7 | 5

#2268599 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 22:33

and now I don't understand why my comment was moderated? people can tear each other into emotional shreds that have nothing to do with the actual FML, but I can't state that I don't understand the point of why this one was chosen over others?