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By  underpaid011  |  0

open the door then splash the very hot bacon grease on the asshole. then say "pick that mother fucker" and for good measure kick him square in the sack, then in the face and ribs.

then call the cops. don't forget to say "i was terrified!! I thought the guy was going to break in and kill me!!".

blame the face and rib injuries on him "falling down".

  182crazyking  |  9

Today, I was walking by a house when I smelled burning bacon. I thought the owner must've fallen asleep with the stove on, so I picked the lock. She wasn't asleep. FML

  MyNameIsBruce  |  0

This...Is My BOOMSTICK! It's a 12 gauge double barrel remington, S-mart's top of the line. You can find it in the sporting goods department. Walnut stock, cobalt blue steel. Thats right, this sweet baby was made in grand rapids Michigan. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.

  skyeyez9  |  24

A shotgun blast to the face would stop the problem, but replace it with another: massive gory mess of brains, blood, bits of skull all over your kitchen. I'm not sure if the Merry Maid service covers bio hazards.
There are "home defender" shot gun shells specifically for killing intruders with less mess.

  MyNameIsBruce  |  0

It causes your target's face to melt off and make their children weep over their exploded body. 2x as effective against people who aren't winning, and 1/2 as effective against people with Adonis DNA

By  cydvicious  |  0

whats the FML here? did the guy actually break in? I would have told him to skedaddle and then eaten the bacon someone else was kindly making for me on such a pretty day. was there any coffee?

  SirEBC  |  7

Yeah, but I bet you losers will still jerk your little penises to her picture.

Defend yourselves now, but when you're about to ejaculate all over your keyboard, SirEBC will haunt the back of your mind. That's me saying "I told you so."

  zinoxity  |  23

29 - The cleavage is a lie! Pushup bras FTL.
(FML = Guy sleeping, wakes up and someone has broken into their home.)
Ha! I was off topic and on topic!

  shannonreneee  |  11

No cleavage looks like that naturally, only if you have a boob job and that isn't natural. She probably has a bra with intense padding and in reality her boobs are AA.

  levraea  |  0

Maybe someone commented before and then deleted it? He said "and then all the fucking comments would disappear". He's basically trying to help the girl. Don't be an ass. Because obviously people are masturbating to her picture anyways. XP

  zombii7  |  5

and now I don't understand why my comment was moderated? people can tear each other into emotional shreds that have nothing to do with the actual FML, but I can't state that I don't understand the point of why this one was chosen over others?