Miscellaneous: Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML - FML

By MissCommunicate - Australia

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

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MissCommunicate tells us more :

I am only seventeen, and that's how I found out. My parents were then quick to give me the "talk".

Understandable

Slot machine addicts

Give it your best shot

By Anonymous

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

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By newguy - United States

Hazing rituals

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

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By RaccoonFever - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

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By Narehs - United States

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

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By bad luck? - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

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By alii2349 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

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By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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By BatBee - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

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By this sucks - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

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By CaseyFpC85 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

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By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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By stonehengeva - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

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By mermaidkeels - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

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By Dr. Virgin - United States

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML

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By dumpedfornoreason - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

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By sierra - United States

Today, an attractive guy asked me to get coffee with him. My response was, "I don't drink coffee." I just turned down the first guy that's asked me out in 3 months. FML

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By Rrae

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

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By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Three's company

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

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By masterfail - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

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By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

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By Grosssss - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

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By oh hey there

Today, I went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for a job interview. A fake job interview. One that I just made up so my mother would get off my case about finding a job. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I can't get a job, or that my mother actually believed me about the interview. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

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By suckerrrrr - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

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By steph - France

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

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By labie

Today, my girlfriend angrily broke up with me. The reason? I misgendered her new dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

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By seriously?? - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

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By FlyingFist - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

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By flatchested Sam - United States - Radcliff

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

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By Kiki - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

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By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

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By shh - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

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By Rabite - Germany

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

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By gas money - United States - Reno

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

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Top comments

By MrBoredGuy | 1

#2049296 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:07

did you "like" it?

By fatman1970 | 25

#2049226 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:54

I would have thought they would have had the decency to take you to one side and break the news.

COMMENTS

By fatman1970 | 25

#2049226 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:54

I would have thought they would have had the decency to take you to one side and break the news.

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#2049951 - Sunday 6 February 2011 0:49

is this pointing to another Fml?

Reply

StudMuffinette | 17

#2900379 - Friday 15 July 2011 21:58

ouch... sorry op

By machiko_fml | 0

#2049260 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:01

Haa.. and Facebook never lies.

Reply

mlia172 | 0

#2388042 - Friday 22 April 2011 14:37

That's rude.

By derpherp | 0

#2049267 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:03

(ｰｰ;) old people....they're into Facebook way to much (￣ー￣)

By tiffanylovesyou | 0

#2049279 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:04

It's Kayy. I found out bout my mom and stepdads marriage over Facebook. Wtf?

By MrBoredGuy | 1

#2049296 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:07

did you "like" it?

Reply

disha8497 | 0

#2050446 - Sunday 6 February 2011 4:09

lmao

Reply

schadenfreude26 | 0

#2055617 - Monday 7 February 2011 18:19

Ha.

By jmac317 | 0

#2049315 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:09

haaaaaa ya like the post

By mrahhhhh | 21

#2049324 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:12

Congratulations OP. Your parents may have just gotten 20 asshole points, which means you have 20 revenge points. Use them wisely!

By DocBastard | 38

#2049329 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:12

Is that so? So what do we get, GeezerBook? WrinklyFaceBook? Well I say fuck that! We pay the bills, so you damn kids can get YOUR own shit!

And get off my damn lawn!

By iknowimawesome | 13

#2049340 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:16

Ahhh... the power of facebook.

By MlKAYLA | 0

#2049356 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:18

Wow, just had to be Facebook. xD