Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML - FML

By MissCommunicate - Australia

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

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MissCommunicate tells us more :

I am only seventeen, and that's how I found out. My parents were then quick to give me the "talk".

Fake News

Modern Family

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

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By :| - Canada

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

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By littleone37 - United States

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

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By LolaBell - United States - Brookfield

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Redfern

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

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By BejeweledJizz

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 02:01

Lazy comeback

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

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By Lara - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

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By planking champion - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

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By hobbled - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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By thanks a lot - 4/5/2020 05:00

Great boyfriend, part 2

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

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By Lisa

Today, I was turned down for a job because they thought I lied about having a six-month internship. Why? The secretary I told off for stealing my lunch every single day told them she hadn't heard of me, and the new company won't listen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

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By Eyebrowsgone - United States

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

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By damnit - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By aubrey

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

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By HeatoN - Germany

Today, I was browsing the internet and I found a picture of my girlfriend on uglypeople.com. FML

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By anon - United States - Addison

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

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By Christine - United States

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

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By boinger - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

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By PangolinScholar - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

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By organizse - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

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By fml7458364838 - United States

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

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By Rachael - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

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By B-Man - Canada

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

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By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States - Hesperia

Lightweight

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

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By Jen_ - France

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

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By NaCl - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

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By keenan - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

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By Hotdamn - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower, until I slipped and fell backwards into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

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By Fitz - United States

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

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By foreveralone - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

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Top comments

By MrBoredGuy | 1

#2049296 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:07

did you "like" it?

By fatman1970 | 25

#2049226 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:54

I would have thought they would have had the decency to take you to one side and break the news.

COMMENTS

By fatman1970 | 25

#2049226 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:54

I would have thought they would have had the decency to take you to one side and break the news.

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#2049951 - Sunday 6 February 2011 0:49

is this pointing to another Fml?

Reply

StudMuffinette | 17

#2900379 - Friday 15 July 2011 21:58

ouch... sorry op

By machiko_fml | 0

#2049260 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:01

Haa.. and Facebook never lies.

Reply

mlia172 | 0

#2388042 - Friday 22 April 2011 14:37

That's rude.

By derpherp | 0

#2049267 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:03

(ｰｰ;) old people....they're into Facebook way to much (￣ー￣)

By tiffanylovesyou | 0

#2049279 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:04

It's Kayy. I found out bout my mom and stepdads marriage over Facebook. Wtf?

By MrBoredGuy | 1

#2049296 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:07

did you "like" it?

Reply

disha8497 | 0

#2050446 - Sunday 6 February 2011 4:09

lmao

Reply

schadenfreude26 | 0

#2055617 - Monday 7 February 2011 18:19

Ha.

By jmac317 | 0

#2049315 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:09

haaaaaa ya like the post

By mrahhhhh | 19

#2049324 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:12

Congratulations OP. Your parents may have just gotten 20 asshole points, which means you have 20 revenge points. Use them wisely!

By DocBastard | 38

#2049329 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:12

Is that so? So what do we get, GeezerBook? WrinklyFaceBook? Well I say fuck that! We pay the bills, so you damn kids can get YOUR own shit!

And get off my damn lawn!

By iknowimawesome | 13

#2049340 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:16

Ahhh... the power of facebook.

By MlKAYLA | 0

#2049356 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:18

Wow, just had to be Facebook. xD