Today, I received a phone call from my father asking how I spelled my name. Not only was he the parent who picked out my name, he was completely serious. FML
FML - The Follow-Up
crimson28 tells us more.
Like I said, he doesn't have any sort of disease, he was calling to make sure that the form he was sending in had my name on it the exact same why my license has my name, and he said, " ______ is spelled with one L?" Also, he's not an idiot and is the best father anyone could ask for. He just wasn't thinking and I was having a fairly crappy day in the first place. So it made it a bit more noticeable.
Today, a drunk truck driver taught me a very valuable lesson: Never tie your shoelaces in the middle of a parking lot. FML
Perpexel tells us more.
Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML
Living_Loving tells us more.
Hey OP here, my boyfriend is a full time University student who works three nights a week and is currently trying to pay off his $20,000 degree. Yes it was the first time I had met his mother, and obviously if she was home I wouldn't have stayed over if she didn't want me to. Give me some credit. And oath it was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. -.-
Today, there was a flood at my friends house. As a result, their cat shelter had to be evacuated, and my mother decided to help. I came home to 23 cats in my bedroom. I'm highly allergic. My face has now swollen up to the size of a football, and I have an important job interview tomorrow. FML
FsuesLife tells us more.
yer, I'd like to confirm that its 'soccer' ball sized my Mum knew i was allergic, but didnt realise it was that bad to #28 the Kattery is outside, theres a flood, and cats cant swim... to #17 the cats were kept on the ground floor of the house only, the cats seemed to swarm to my nice comfy bedroom, out of preference compared to the bathroom, the empty living room (re-decorating) and the locked laundry room hope this clears up any confusion/fakery claims
Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML
murphx3x tells us more.
murphx3x 0
hey im the one who did this post.. so to explain all of this, i wasn't in pennsylvania at the time. thats just where i live now. my grandma lives in alaska. she lives in like a really isolated cabin area. it doesn't even have running water. she likes it out there. and 3 hours is a exageration. its actually two hours. yet again with my grandma's really beat up car and well, her slow driving, it takes us about 3 hours. and yes its safee for her to live out there by herself (and my grandpa) because they are both very very healthy. and not that old. she's a little over 50 and my grandpa is only 40 cause he just got married to her. and for everyone who's wondering, I WAS ASLEEEP. i woke up due to the terrible smell. my grandma made me stay in a serperate room and my plane ride was on monday morning and i had some trouble with the plane ride and getting through security. i had to put a huge plastic bag over it and lets just say, THANK YA FEBREEZE. but in the end, i came home and my first stop was the hospital. i hope everyone got a good kick out of it though. cause i didn't. not to mention cell phone service was real bad out there, and my mom made me stay to keep my grandparents company (she thinks its bad that they are so isolated.) oh and you have to go to the doctors to get the cast off. theres no way that smell is gonna get out. although i wish i had known about the vinegar trick before. and for anyone who doesn't have a cat, STFU. it smells like death. ughh it was prettty bad, and also thank the lord for nose plugs.
Today, while in bed, my nose became runny. Being as tired as I was, I decided to ignore it until the morning. Turns out it was a nose bleed, and my pillowcase is ruined. FML
RustyGuy tells us more.
RustyGuy 0
To add to the details: 1) The Pillowcase is part of a full set, so if I can't manage to get the blood out... and anyone who has tried removing dried blood knows its friggen hard... It's going to be very hard to find a matching replacement. 2) The reason I was so tired is because I'm an animation student at BCIT, and am working my ass off to finish my demoreel on time. I haven't had a proper nights sleep in quite some time. Still; i probably should have grabbed a tissue.
Today, I managed to fall face-first into a used condom. FML
uHazFailedTotall tells us more.
my brother pushed me, and I tripped into the snow, where there was an used condom.
Today, my throat is really swollen so I can only drink liquid. I noticed home-made ice-lollies in the freezer and had one. It tasted funny. Turns out my little brother had peed in one of those ice-lolly box and put it in the freezer. FML
icegirl38 tells us more.
Today, after celebrating my birthday yesterday, getting really drunk, I woke up naked in the bathroom at my girlfriend's house. Why did I wake up? Her father walked in. FML
littmild tells us more.
littmild 0
The party wasn't at my girlfriends house, no.. Can't imagine why people think he would be pissed, it's just incredibly funny, and something we could laugh about for years. This is actually my first time posting anything here, the first time I've ever read comments, and I have to say I'm quite shocked how many people who misundertands this website. Like people who thinks you post things like this to get sympathy, or this ongoing debate on my alcohol consumption. I can't actually believe that there is people in this world who doesn't have more important things to do. Why isn't FML filled with "Today, I didn't have anything else to do than post negative comments on FML. FML." I feel a burden has been lifted off my shoulders, people! I felt a bit stupid for what I've done, but now I know I have a long way to go to beat some of you. And yes, I look good naked. Unfortunatly I was wearing socks that made me look rather fat.
Today, I spent a wonderful day with my girlfriend. I got her everything she wanted, and drained my wallet. On the walk home she noticed a license plate that had an ex-girlfriend's name on it. She saw me looking and accused me of still being in love with my ex, and stormed off. After throwing salad in my face. FML
metalatlas tells us more.
being the OP i thought i'd elaborate- my gf is bi-polar so she can't help things like that- it was an ex that i no longer care about which is all f them and i spent the day buying her stuff because she saw little things she liked and i like buying her things and making her happy. were still dating and doing just fine i just thought this one incident was fml worthy
Today, I was building new fixtures at work. As I assembled the top holding bar on the second section, my boss came up and smacked it to try and scare me. She knocked the top holding bar, which is made of steel, onto my head, and then all the sections went on to fall like dominoes. FML
theoneguyinky tells us more.
Today, I was running late for work and realized I forgot to pay a bill. I turned on my computer to pay the bill and brushed my teeth while it set up. I had a mouth full of mouthwash and decided to pay the bill before I spit. Then, I sneezed mouthwash all over my laptop keyboard and screen. FML
keighty tells us more.
This is my post. I agree with most of you. Total dumbass thing. I admit it. It didn't ruin my computer, just made my keys sticky for awhile and there are permanent smear marks on my screen. I did turn my head, ended up sneezing into my arm but it splashed down onto my computer. There just wasn't enough space to explain it. I decided to pay it before i spit cause i was trying to save time and only had to press a couple of buttons. Made sense at the time. Seemed like a waste to just stand there for 30 seconds and do nothing. Lesson learned. I had to pay it before I left for work because it was due that day by 3 and by the time i got home it would have been too late. Carry on the mocking :)
Today, my hamster went missing. I walked down the stairs into my basement, to find my hamster's head on the stairs, and its body in my cat's mouth. FML
km0064 tells us more.
Okay, so I'm the 1 who wrote this FML, and i would just like to inform everyone that 1.) yes, i do own a dog..3 actually, so i can complete the food chain. 2.) this is not fake...my cat decapatates animals and leaves the body parts laying around outside, 3.) I have more hamsters :) and 4.) The hamster that was killed was previously being attacked by my other hamsters, so i had to seperate him from the rest and put him in a bucket until we got a new cage. so he was in the bathroom, in a bucket with the door closed. then some dumb ass kid opened the door and took out the hamster and it got away.
Today, my parents bought a new car with the money they made from selling mine. To make up for selling my car without telling me, they let me choose the make, model, and colour of the new car... which I just found out I'm not allowed to drive. FML
skittlesftw tells us more.
I'm the op (just made an account) I bought the car with my money, and since they drove the car as well they paid for some maintance and insurance. They decided to sell the car without talking to me first, but said that I would be able to drive the new car they were going to buy. Turns out the insurance would be too expensve with me on it, hence the FML. Not all bad though, they feel guilty so they are sorting me out with a car once i finish uni. (only just found this bit out)
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML
lendahandmanda tells us more.
Not only was he a pretty muscular guy, but his arms were pinning mine down to a point, and i had no leverage laying in the position I was in. To those of you saying I should have just waited til he woke up, he was sort of choking me, his head was under my chin pressed against my neck, and I felt like I was being suffocated, and his body on top of mine was making it difficult for me to breathe. It might have just been anxiety though. I probably could have stuck through it.
Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML
ughno tells us more.
ughno 0
wow this has just turned into a bug argument over who's state it better hahaha
Today, I hung out with the guy I've liked for the first time in 3 years. And when he left, I gave him a hug, he pushed me, I tripped, and hit my head into the wall. Then to save his embarassment, pushed me over onto the couch and pretended to rape me. FML
L0lCney tells us more.
L0lCney 0
He accidently pushed me, its not like he ment to do it. I hugged him, my leg was caught behind the arm rest on my chair, And I fell onto the arm rest, & hit my head on the wall, HARD. He grabbed my head saying sorry, then pushed me onto the couch & "fake raped" me cause all my friends were laughing. I think he was just trying to make the situation better, it didn't though. At all. I haven't talked to him since. :/
Today, I was pulling a car out of the shop where I work, when I tried to go over a small snow bank to park it. What I didn't realize was the snow had turned into solid ice, and it broke the front bumper cover. It's going to cost $1000 to fix it and I also had to call the owner. FML
sacredsilence29 tells us more.
LOL. WoW. It's amazing how much peoples opinions change. Let's see to anwser a few remarks. No I didnt get fired, the car is getting fixed and paid for so the customer pays nothing, and when I told him he asked me to have them touch up all the other spots while they had the paint mixed. The snow bank was only a few inches so it wasnt like I was trying to drive up a mountain with an M5 and telling him that I did it was the respectful thing to do, thanks. That's part of my job is moving cars around and when it snows shit happens! That's what insurance is for....
Today, I got a call from the police saying they found my stolen car. Not only did I not know my car was stolen, but it was completely stripped. No tires or doors left, and the engine was taken apart. FML
troyrm85 tells us more.
Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML
Mers tells us more.
Well, after my parents got married, my dad's dad convinced my dad that my mom was a gold digger and so they divorced when I was one year old and had my brothers three years later. They've lived together the past 16 years as a divorced couple and have fought constantly. My dad forced my mom to go thousands of dollars into debt because he wouldn't give her any money for a year. During that time my mom couldn't get a job anywhere and she had to buy groceries for us three and her two kids from before the failed marriage. My brothers and I live with my mom now and it's much better without him trying to control us.
Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML
GymnasticsQueen tells us more.
Ok, first of all you don't know me so you have no right to criticize me. You don't know how much pain I am in. I twisted my wrist when I fell. I am really good at gymnastics so don't say ANYTHING about that, but now I can't go to practice until my wrist is better. I was putting her present in the passenger seat, I wouldn't get out on the passenger side if I was driving so I had no way to know there was ice there. I'm not rich and neither is the rest of my family. My sister has been wanting these wine glasses since the Christmas of 2008. I couldn't find them anywhere. I have money set aside for gifts and things like that so I don't have to worry about making sure I have enough money; I have been setting money aside like that since I was 16.
Today, my maid washed my PS3. Yes, with soap and water. FML
Vastu tells us more.
Vastu 5
well. the maid cant pay because we give her 15$ PER month. and we cant deduct it because... IN rural places of Nepal , where my servant comes from, one family consists of 9/10 sons or daughters .. so that 15$ directly goes to her HUGE family.
Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML
mf09 tells us more.
mf09 0
I happen to be the OP and to the folks who think I am mean because I didn't let him go to the scouting event: it is a SPECIAL event. He's not out of scouts. He just needed a really serious wake up call. To the folks who think I am mean because I punished him for being a smart ass: The reality is this was a compound offense. He got into trouble for not doing what I asked and got a minor punishment (chores). He got mouthy about the chores and lost his special event. To the folks who think I need to paddle him more: you may be right but he's getting too old for that. To the folks who think I shouldn't let him throw the tantrum: Awesome idea, beyond smacking him as suggested and grounding him as done, what's the methodology for that? He stayed in his room to howl and holler. I ignored it and posted my FML. Special event at school next week will be cancelled too if he keeps it up. Love my boy. Tough love today.
Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML
mollymaykitty tells us more.
I've had this ulcer for over a two months. I randomly get sick from it when food has too much spices on it. The lunch today was spicy though you couldn't see the spices on the outside. I took one bite of it, threw the rest away, and within a few hours I got sick.
Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML
dani1104 tells us more.
So I'm not lying. The window repairman came today (after I paid $130) and said that some spring or something in the window frame was worn out. Boston had some very strong winds the day the window fell out, which pushed it out of the frame. I was on the floor doing a puzzle of Fenway Park if you needed to know.
Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML
Juggalette1020 tells us more.
Today, I asked my boyfriend advice on apartment hunting - as we were planning to move in with each other. He told me that there is no way he can afford to move out of his parents' house anytime soon. He can, however, afford a collection of belt-fed automatic nerf guns. FML
expertdoubleex tells us more.
Allo Trollsters. This is the silly girl who posted the FML. A few disclaimers: 1) Rent is cheaper here than you are thinking. My last place here ran under $500, utilities included. If we split the cost, we aren't looking at massive expenses. 2) He is 25 years old, he lives at his parents' for free, he has a job AND THEY GIVE HIM AN ALLOWANCE. Oh, yeah, and they pay his bills for him. 3) Yes, he acquired all the nerf guns at once, within the past week. 4) I don't have a problem with his hobby. Boys will be boys, and I kinda have a thing for nerds. I do, however, have a problem with the fact that he has lied to me for the past 6 months about his future aspirations... Because I have been busting ass, nose-to-the-grindstone, working towards getting my debts paid off so we could get this place together. Aaaaand, apparently toys are more important.
Today, my boss screamed at me for almost an hour because, apparently, I hurt my coworker's feelings when I stopped speaking to her after finding out that she was sleeping with my boyfriend. FML
dys_fml tells us more.
dys_fml 0
OP here. Wasn't really expecting this one to get posted. To everyone who's asked- yes, he's my ex now. I didn't think it would make as much sense if I'd said she slept with my ex-boyfriend. And yes, I did lose my job over this. Said coworker and I were very good friends before all of this, hence the 'no longer speaking to her' part. I didn't simply stand there and get screamed at the entire time. I tried to give my side of the story and explain why I'd stopped talking to my coworker, but my boss just kept interrupting me and yelling, "I don't care!" and telling me I was full of shit. I eventually just left when she outright called me a liar. It was a small, locally owned business- so no union rep to call- and my coworker and I had two very separate jobs that didn't really require any interaction. I still spoke to her when I had to, if it had something to do with work. Apparently, she'd been going to our boss after I left for the day- who knows how often- crying about what a bitch I was and how unfair I was being, and saying that all of it was my fault to begin with. The boss even claimed that my coworker would need therapy because of me, and said that just my presence at the shop was making it impossible for her to do her job. The full story is obviously way too long for a single FML, so you can see why a lot of the details got cut.
Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML
fwebles tells us more.
fwebles 0
Bonjour, I am the person who wrote this FML and I thought I would clarify for you guys. The door broke overnight. I went to turn the handle but the mechanism is broken so it didn't move the little metal bit out of the wall (technical terms eh? :P). The hinges were on the other side of the door, and I didn't have anything with which to unscrew them anyway. I resorted to escaping through my window and climbing off my roof. :)
Today, I've been unemployed for a year. For the last six months I had been trying for a good paying job at a great company, who kept saying they would hire me when the economy improves. Three weeks ago I gave up and moved 2 hours away. Guess who just called to finally offer me a job. FML
ironorr tells us more.
ironorr 0
I moved because my lease was ending, and my landlord decided to jack up my rent if I decided to renew. I could no longer afford the rent, so I moved back to the area where I grew up since rent is way cheaper being so far from a city. Also, I have a potential job opportunity in the spring in this area. There were many factors leading me to make the decision to move, and all signs were pointing to the aforementioned company never actually giving me a job. But you're right. I'm a horrible person, so I totally deserve to have unfortunate things happen to me.