Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her... - FML

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 43 332

BO Central

The main characters

Shidding and farding

Let me sleep!

By ineed sleep!!! - 22/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 227

By foreversingle - 30/06/2013 18:09 - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 368

You deserved it 3 974

By SpanishInFrenchClass - 06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 5 419

By FlatTire - 13/02/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 975

You deserved it 19 449

Great customer service, thanks!

By Eli Maldonado - 29/05/2021 17:01

Today, I called customer service for my phone. We talked for a while and the man was very nice to me. Too nice. Right before hanging up, he said, “Have a good day ma’am!” He was flirting the whole time and I didn’t realize it, and he didn’t that I’m a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 132

By Bananapi - 10/09/2017 13:00

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 746

You deserved it 229

By ohno - 17/03/2015 20:35 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 2 597

By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 2 972

By Sara - 25/02/2016 07:39 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I paid $50 to go to a war museum. It was so boring that I fell asleep standing up, lost my balance and faceplanted the floor right in front of our tour guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 175

You deserved it 5 732

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 14:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 927

You deserved it 3 053

By mugres22 - 17/08/2013 05:11 - United States - Pacoima

Today, while in the restroom washing my hands, a girl decided to let one rip while in the stall. When she came out she gave me a dirty look of disgust and said, "At least wait until I leave." She and I were the only ones in the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 882

You deserved it 3 309

By Overprotected - 19/06/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 415

You deserved it 4 627

By noquiero - 21/06/2012 18:13 - United Kingdom - Peterlee

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 960

You deserved it 3 477

Little shit

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 20:01 - Malaysia

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 399

You deserved it 2 261

By Eyefreshener - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 66 874

By ish0rty - 14/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 970

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 20:56 - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 841

You deserved it 12 147

By Poopamus - 23/04/2019 14:00

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 523

You deserved it 506

By Anonymous - 18/05/2013 19:34 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 389

You deserved it 4 666

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 4 315

By username - 19/05/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 655

You deserved it 5 893

What do y'all want?

By ladymichee - 07/07/2021 14:01

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 60

By Jinx - 21/08/2017 22:15 - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 169

You deserved it 206

By stilljobless - 21/05/2015 02:49 - United States - Willimantic

Today, I got a call from a really great company that I applied to work for, asking me to come in for an interview. When I went in, they had no appointment scheduled and no idea who I was. It turned out it was all a prank by my brother and his friends. My brother is 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 2 152

By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/09/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 934

You deserved it 1 658

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 23 170

By whoawhat - 11/11/2009 06:55 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 475

You deserved it 4 006

By Shitty Boss Shitty Job - 15/06/2013 05:41 - United States - Davenport

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 923

You deserved it 6 546

By sister_woes - 09/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I didn't have my key, so my sister told me to call her to let me in. I called, no answer. I waited for 15 minutes and then called my dad complaining about her, still being outside. She popped her out the window and yelled, "Don't talk about me, bitch!" and wouldn't open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 986

You deserved it 4 582

With friends like these…

By Poor as fuck - 29/05/2019 22:07

Today, I stayed with a friend because I was recently kicked out of my home and had nowhere to go. When I went out for job applications, she asked, "Can you pick me up a pack of smokes?" and then got mad that I didn't have the money, calling me selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 306

By skaterboy - 13/08/2013 15:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 533

You deserved it 5 010

By ninjapup - 02/01/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 990

You deserved it 5 554

By butterball - 18/07/2012 14:41 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 069

You deserved it 6 554

By Nxydolli - 29/04/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 127

You deserved it 56 299

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 20:06 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 302

You deserved it 16 443

By period_probs - 16/12/2014 01:23 - United States - King George

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 3 019

Blood is thicker than a dollar bill

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 00:01

Today, I woke up and wished I hadn’t. I’m broke, tired, hungry and sick of my family, who is rich by the way, not even contributing a penny to help me from being evicted. Oh, and I lost my job last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 367

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 8 324

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:27

lol, ydi for saying "that's hot"

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Friday 11 September 2009 14:36

First off, this isn't an FML, one girl rejected you boohoo. Also just wanted to say, Woo for Australians, especially ACT uns, she probably rejected you because she's smart, being from the ACT!

Comments

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Friday 11 September 2009 12:13

fail

Jmido 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 14:44

Some people have game, some people do not. You sir, do not. I'd suggest just getting smashed again and live your life away behind a bottle of tequila.

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Friday 11 September 2009 18:51

yeah no shit. you just sound like a tool. go away.

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Saturday 21 August 2010 17:14

why would you say" that's hot"... fag

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Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

is it that bad u r? if I were that gal I would have smashed u fir flirting with me co if I were cute I would already have had a guy;(

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Friday 11 September 2009 15:53

Does anyone else not understand this comment at all?

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Friday 11 September 2009 16:21

Something about being cute...and then some gibberish...hmm...I think we'll need to bring in the translators.

moonlight_daze 8

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Friday 11 September 2009 17:40

I think this intoxicated comment roughly translates into: "Are you really that bad? If I were a girl, I would've smashed (slapped?) you for flirting with me. 'Cause I would be cute and already have a guy."

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Friday 11 September 2009 19:41

Here's my rough interpretation: "Is this really an FML? You got off easy. If I was that girl, my cuteness would have ensured that I'd already have a boyfriend and as such, the rules of the game state that I would have the right to slap you for trespassing on his property. And, I would have slapped you; really, really, hard." OP: Banter is fun and opens the door for many, many more rejections before she admires you for your persistence. That said, be careful not to cross the line between flirtation and harassment.

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Saturday 12 September 2009 0:43

this conversation made me burst out laughing.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Saturday 12 September 2009 1:05

Good job to everyone who translated her indecipherable comment! I certainly couldn't.

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Sunday 12 August 2012 6:26

You probably do have a guy, fag.

3arl 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

first

Intellectualist 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:28

fail. You're banished to the dying hole, leave immediately.

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Friday 11 September 2009 12:23

3al u boob can't u see who is first??? dumb pube

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Saturday 12 September 2009 0:45

this too.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Saturday 12 September 2009 1:07

TrollKiller? But...you ARE the troll...

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Friday 11 September 2009 12:27

fyl lol

3arl 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:15

when I clicked on the fml it said no comments so I entered one it must have not recognizeed yours yet

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:20

Trollkiller has one testicle. YDI for saying 'oh that's hot'

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Saturday 12 September 2009 1:09

Agreed on both points.

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:23

Ryan Ross?

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Friday 11 September 2009 14:07

The Young Veins?

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Friday 11 September 2009 16:14

The Young Veins is horrible. They never should've broken up.

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Friday 11 September 2009 16:18

I can't imagine listening to an entire album of RyRo's singing...and liking it D: The Young Veins sound like a bad Beatles rip off. At least now Panic! at the Disco seem to be going back to their Fever days :)

RandomHavoc1 13

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Thursday 6 March 2014 1:01

hehe i still think he's cute though...

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:26

I hate it when it happens, what you need is to rotate the places where you go out leaving more time between visits to give everyone a chance to forget each others.

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Friday 11 September 2009 13:27

lol, ydi for saying "that's hot"

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 97

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 287