Miscellaneous: Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot...

By combo - 28/02/2010 09:12 - France

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 954

You deserved it 27 461

Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Sorry…

BO Central

By Eyefreshener - 14/07/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 084

You deserved it 66 876

By damnitsam - 06/08/2017 20:00

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 276

You deserved it 408

By Anonymous - 06/05/2012 04:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 552

You deserved it 3 752

Bosom buddies

By Lennie Mcfish - 06/07/2020 14:02

Today, while caring for my drunk girlfriend, she confessed that she cheated on me 3 different times with my sister. Now I know why they are always spending time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 152

By extraflavour - 23/12/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 3 170

Lava

By not_fakingit - 22/09/2013 04:26 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 476

You deserved it 11 208

By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 32 124

By traumatizedforlife - 05/08/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 311

You deserved it 6 774

By FuckSteakNShake - 06/06/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 870

You deserved it 218

By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 3 161

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:22 - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 094

You deserved it 1 762

By izhamilton - 20/02/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 955

You deserved it 2 753

By Bernadette - 28/06/2012 19:58

Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 137

You deserved it 30 537

By itsalwaysme - 09/11/2017 06:00

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 893

You deserved it 776

By sparkus - 15/12/2015 15:15

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 611

You deserved it 1 709

By Radio GaGa - 27/10/2014 16:25 - Canada

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 3 147

By orgasmsareoverratedanyway - 25/09/2012 17:42 - Norway - Myre

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 5 229

Booming economy!

By ThatGuy24 - 26/09/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 22:29 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 074

You deserved it 30 282

By screwed.over - 10/10/2009 23:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 069

You deserved it 2 767

Birthday Girl

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 511

You deserved it 21 708

By Colormered - 12/01/2010 15:08 - France

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 3 563

By mrtoolate - 19/06/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 830

You deserved it 1 710

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 273

You deserved it 3 668

By Anonymous - 25/05/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 909

You deserved it 40 737

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 22:00

Today, on the bus, a man in his late 30s sat next to me. After a moment, he turned to me and said with a wink, "You must be ovulating, I can smell your vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 053

You deserved it 325

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 14:03 - United States - Springfield

Today, I noticed that my mom still has me saved in her phone with my married name. I told her she could change it back to my maiden name. She said, "Not until it's legal!" My husband and I have been separated for more than 2 years and my divorce will be finalized in 2 days. She still won't change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 168

By Katt - 25/04/2016 18:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend on the lobby's couch. We were not paying attention to anything but each other. Apparently, someone tied our shoes together. I stood up and faceplanted into a pool table. I'm now missing two teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 691

You deserved it 6 862

By lmao4eva93 - 02/07/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 927

You deserved it 3 439

By Ulysse - 23/11/2008 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 959

You deserved it 8 549

By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 253

You deserved it 5 296

Alas, poor Doggo

By suchatwat - 09/10/2020 05:02

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 223

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 738

You deserved it 40 795

By unexpected_failure - 22/11/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 856

You deserved it 3 081

By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 239

You deserved it 3 607

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 92

By whale14 - 06/06/2019 16:00

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 268

You deserved it 1 262

By porkythighs - 27/12/2009 14:19 - Singapore

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 7 770

By LovesHisHand - 20/09/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 812

You deserved it 9 899

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Top comments

sum1savemeh 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

TehFuzzyOne 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

TehFuzzyOne 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

themajik 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

it was probably your toe hair

breanna_nicole 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

I agree , shaave dumbaasss . (:

BMaC101 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

#1 Nice try. That doesn't make sense though.

wasted0087 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:14

Ya it does, the clarity is flawless, he's asking if it's the first time it has happened whilst declaring himself first.

Piggilywiggily15 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

Today, I felt the hair on my head get wet. Turns out I took a shower. FML. (This is as stupid as the OP's)

heyheyt 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:19

to # 1 are you sure it wasnt the SIXTEENTH time?

LMA0 5

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:49

Haha fail. You're 17! ;)

riku3220 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:10

Hey guys guess what you all have toe hair as well. Anyway OP, YDI. If you're going to freak out about bugs crawling on your barefeet then don't sit in the grass while barefoot.

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:16

Not an FML....

nmsm 1

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:22

yeah^ OP: so you're one of the many people that grow visible hair on your toes and/ or fingers. just remove the hair.

sublimaze 6

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:44

that's the 2nd post today by a hairy french bitch. apparently there's a fucking sasquatch convention in france

boomerfeb13 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:45

shave. if you don't own a razor, wear shoes. problem solved

Cristaderzi 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:05

Plucking ir Nairing is better though!

thundercats29 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:17

Uh, there ate two FMLs about hair from the same part of France, they are right next to eachother, and both have to do with mistaking body hair for bugs. Plus, one is anynomous. Coincidence? I think not!

MissRachieee 3

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:22

this FML is similar to the one posted before It...

FYLDeep 25

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:56

ydi for confirming French stereotypes.

FYLDeep 25

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Sunday 28 February 2010 19:23

Plus they probably wouldn't say mate, but I like to assume she is cause it makes it funnier.

suppressed08 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 19:58

Time to consider shaving - posting on here makes us assume you're embarressed about hairy toes. Shaving makes things itchy though - imagine wearing socks. *cringe*

baby_val 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 22:51

um yes it does?? uu can Shave and wax ur toes

angelkissezxox 3

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Monday 1 March 2010 1:31

hahahaha!!

haiden108 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:12

hahaha . funny shit

sum1savemeh 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

daniel1_1 13

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:05

no duh

buckmaster1984 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 5:53

gross!

JackDark 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Shave them, jesus. Pluck whatever. If you're a man fine, but a woman should not have toe hairs. Scratch, NOONE SHOULD HAVE TOEHAIRS. TehFuzzyOne: I'm pretty sure it was the THIRD.

TehFuzzyOne 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

You mean the FOURTH???

Disco_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

The OP is French, of course she has toe hair.

riku3220 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:12

Look at your feet right now. You all have toe hair.

epoh_fml 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 18:33

I have toe hair. there's just not an obscene amount of it to make me think there's bugs crawling on my feet :)

omgitsalex62 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

that is just gross

facingforeverr 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 20:50

yea but what person in america have youever heard call somone their mate? because personally i have yet to hear someone call their griends their mates

repyourcliche 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 21:55

i understood none of that, were you even speaking english? :)

PottheadSam 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

he has mates? you allow him to mate with other people? your life is fk,ed ps. I know it's Aussie talk, just don't get why they say it lol

stephissilly 18

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Saturday 7 January 2012 2:24

mates means friends.. 'me and my mates'

tomahawkinyouall 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

haha ydi because this isn't even fml worthy big dummy

duke10861 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 17:54

word

Zills 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 16:12

Whatever pluck them it's not like he'll notice right now away anyways. Not a big deal I don't see the issue here. Your life is not fucked and you don't deserve it either. It's a who the fuck gives a shit.