Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot...

By combo - France

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

And today, on Dr Phil…

Cake is everything

By Anonymous - Canada - Orillia

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

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By jess - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

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By SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

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By boohoo - Ireland

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

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39634

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By Anonymous

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

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25630

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2020 02:00 - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

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1724

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By Ophelia - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

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By greg

Today, my mother sued me for whiplash in a car accident that was her fault. She screamed to stop so I slammed on the brakes and the car behind ran into us. It wasn't an emergency; she just thought she saw her friend at the bus stop. It wasn't even her. FML

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5388

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By Hey, thats not math!? - United States - Sunnyside

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

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By hopelessteej - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

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By Speedy - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

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13602

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By TheComedyAudio

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

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4637

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By Anonymous. - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

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33507

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

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33476

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By Nobody - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

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43542

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By Hate2Date - United States

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

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35114

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By gutted - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

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30381

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By cplaner - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

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33636

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By continuouslyaddingdebt

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

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4050

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By Sierra Madre

Time for an intervention

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

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1612

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

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11656

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

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3077

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By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

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By Whatswrongwithme? - United Kingdom

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. She left and never came back. FML

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By Shuttie - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

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15543

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

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43983

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By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Black out

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

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929

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By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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5778

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

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By sammy18f - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

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By fmfl - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

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38161

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By Medic - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

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23508

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By shadybarbie

My Love Life in a Nutshell

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

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3430

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By Lady - United States

Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML

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7259

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By GlowInTheDark - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

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34559

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

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1185

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By thanks babe - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

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42929

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By I already have one, thanks - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

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Top comments

By sum1savemeh | 0

#900597 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

By TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900594 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

COMMENTS

By TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900594 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

themajik | 0

#900602 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

it was probably your toe hair

breanna_nicole | 0

#900628 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

I agree , shaave dumbaasss . (:

BMaC101 | 0

#900639 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

#1 Nice try. That doesn't make sense though.

wasted0087 | 0

#900656 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:14

Ya it does, the clarity is flawless, he's asking if it's the first time it has happened whilst declaring himself first.

Piggilywiggily15 | 0

#900668 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

Today, I felt the hair on my head get wet. Turns out I took a shower. FML. (This is as stupid as the OP's)

heyheyt | 0

#900680 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:19

to # 1 are you sure it wasnt the SIXTEENTH time?

LMA0 | 5

#900768 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:49

Haha fail. You're 17! ;)

riku3220 | 2

#900843 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:10

Hey guys guess what you all have toe hair as well.

Anyway OP, YDI. If you're going to freak out about bugs crawling on your barefeet then don't sit in the grass while barefoot.

reyemrein | 0

#900862 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:16

Not an FML....

nmsm | 1

#900874 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:22

yeah^

OP: so you're one of the many people that grow visible hair on your toes and/ or fingers.
just remove the hair.

sublimaze | 6

#900934 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:44

that's the 2nd post today by a hairy french bitch. apparently there's a fucking sasquatch convention in france

boomerfeb13 | 0

#900938 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:45

shave. if you don't own a razor, wear shoes. problem solved

Cristaderzi | 0

#900988 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:05

Plucking ir Nairing is better though!

thundercats29 | 0

#901012 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:17

Uh, there ate two FMLs about hair from the same part of France, they are right next to eachother, and both have to do with mistaking body hair for bugs. Plus, one is anynomous. Coincidence? I think not!

MissRachieee | 3

#901023 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:22

this FML is similar to the one posted before It...

FYLDeep | 25

#901104 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:56

ydi for confirming French stereotypes.

FYLDeep | 25

#901156 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:23

Plus they probably wouldn't say mate, but I like to assume she is cause it makes it funnier.

suppressed08 | 2

#901230 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:58

Time to consider shaving - posting on here makes us assume you're embarressed about hairy toes. Shaving makes things itchy though - imagine wearing socks. *cringe*

baby_val | 0

#901694 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:51

um yes it does?? uu can Shave and wax ur toes

angelkissezxox | 3

#902127 - Monday 1 March 2010 1:31

hahahaha!!

haiden108 | 0

#1549323 - Friday 15 October 2010 3:12

hahaha . funny shit

By sum1savemeh | 0

#900597 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

daniel1_1 | 13

#900828 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:05

no duh

buckmaster1984 | 0

#903102 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:53

gross!

By JackDark | 0

#900600 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Shave them, jesus.

Pluck whatever. If you're a man fine, but a woman should not have toe hairs.

Scratch, NOONE SHOULD HAVE TOEHAIRS.

TehFuzzyOne: I'm pretty sure it was the THIRD.

TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900607 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

You mean the FOURTH???

Disco_fml | 0

#900664 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

The OP is French, of course she has toe hair.

riku3220 | 2

#900847 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:12

Look at your feet right now. You all have toe hair.

epoh_fml | 0

#901052 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:33

I have toe hair.

there's just not an obscene amount of it to
make me think there's bugs crawling on my feet :)

By omgitsalex62 | 0

#900629 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

that is just gross

facingforeverr | 0

#901449 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:50

yea but what person in america have youever heard call somone their mate? because personally i have yet to hear someone call their griends their mates

repyourcliche | 0

#901590 - Sunday 28 February 2010 21:55

i understood none of that, were you even speaking english? :)

By PottheadSam | 0

#900630 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

he has mates? you allow him to mate with other people? your life is fk,ed

ps. I know it's Aussie talk, just don't get why they say it lol

stephissilly | 18

#3842316 - Saturday 7 January 2012 2:24

mates means friends.. 'me and my mates'

By tomahawkinyouall | 0

#900640 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

haha ydi because this isn't even fml worthy big dummy

duke10861 | 0

#900964 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:54

word

By Zills | 0

#900646 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:12

Whatever pluck them it's not like he'll notice right now away anyways. Not a big deal I don't see the issue here. Your life is not fucked and you don't deserve it either. It's a who the fuck gives a shit.