Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot...

By combo - 28/2/2010 09:12 - France

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Who's a good boy?

Compassion

By anamota89 - 11/5/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

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By blacktyaffair - 9/11/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

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By foreveralone - 21/3/2020 06:00

Spin on this

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

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By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

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By Somessedup - 9/9/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

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By fijiflu - 5/11/2015 21:31

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

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By Da Boss - 5/10/2016 01:19 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 11:56 - United States - Newburyport

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

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By anonymous - 27/3/2013 23:55 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

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By WellGroomed - 26/11/2015 15:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

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By Zitty - 12/7/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML

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By groom - 20/6/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

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By thammer - 24/3/2012 13:20 - United States - Appleton

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

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By nitwit - 8/9/2009 12:29 - Greece

Today, I spent hours consoling my girlfriend for getting dumped by the guy she was cheating on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 22:01

Jagged Little Pill

Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2013 00:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

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By readytomingle - 15/7/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

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By tirf - 9/2/2015 22:58

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

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By Ooops - 12/9/2019 22:02 - Canada

Baked

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

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By cat co-parent - 3/1/2015 00:11 - Australia

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

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By wellthen - 12/7/2016 21:35 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

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By georgia819 - 21/5/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

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By misTreated - 30/5/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

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By Anon - 10/6/2012 04:19 - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

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By ICanExplain - 22/6/2015 20:46 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Thomasville

That's not a child, that's a bio-hazard!

Today, I took a shower while my two-year-old slept. In the 30 minutes it took me to shower, get dressed, and go back to his room, he had woken up, taken his pants and diaper off, and smears crap all over himself and his bed. FML

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By kohler9790 - 22/2/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

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By darthinvader - 16/7/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 06:32 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 09:07 - Canada

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

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By badgirl - 21/6/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

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By Fish - 7/4/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

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By fleur_de_fevrier - 21/12/2008 15:36 - Ireland

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

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By Becca_Jo - 6/1/2016 04:19 - United States - Caledonia

Today, I found out that the only reason my "friend" comes over to my apartment is so that she can charge her phone using my electricity, because she's too cheap to use her own. FML

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By Amanda - 10/3/2013 16:08 - Canada

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

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By oceangirl - 8/2/2012 00:14 - United States

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

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Top comments

By sum1savemeh | 0

#900597 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

By TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900594 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

COMMENTS

By TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900594 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Is that the FIRST time?

themajik | 0

#900602 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

it was probably your toe hair

breanna_nicole | 0

#900628 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

I agree , shaave dumbaasss . (:

BMaC101 | 0

#900639 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

#1 Nice try. That doesn't make sense though.

wasted0087 | 0

#900656 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:14

Ya it does, the clarity is flawless, he's asking if it's the first time it has happened whilst declaring himself first.

Piggilywiggily15 | 0

#900668 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

Today, I felt the hair on my head get wet. Turns out I took a shower. FML. (This is as stupid as the OP's)

heyheyt | 0

#900680 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:19

to # 1 are you sure it wasnt the SIXTEENTH time?

LMA0 | 5

#900768 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:49

Haha fail. You're 17! ;)

riku3220 | 2

#900843 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:10

Hey guys guess what you all have toe hair as well.

Anyway OP, YDI. If you're going to freak out about bugs crawling on your barefeet then don't sit in the grass while barefoot.

reyemrein | 0

#900862 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:16

Not an FML....

nmsm | 1

#900874 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:22

yeah^

OP: so you're one of the many people that grow visible hair on your toes and/ or fingers.
just remove the hair.

sublimaze | 6

#900934 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:44

that's the 2nd post today by a hairy french bitch. apparently there's a fucking sasquatch convention in france

boomerfeb13 | 0

#900938 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:45

shave. if you don't own a razor, wear shoes. problem solved

Cristaderzi | 0

#900988 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:05

Plucking ir Nairing is better though!

thundercats29 | 0

#901012 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:17

Uh, there ate two FMLs about hair from the same part of France, they are right next to eachother, and both have to do with mistaking body hair for bugs. Plus, one is anynomous. Coincidence? I think not!

MissRachieee | 3

#901023 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:22

this FML is similar to the one posted before It...

FYLDeep | 25

#901104 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:56

ydi for confirming French stereotypes.

FYLDeep | 25

#901156 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:23

Plus they probably wouldn't say mate, but I like to assume she is cause it makes it funnier.

suppressed08 | 2

#901230 - Sunday 28 February 2010 19:58

Time to consider shaving - posting on here makes us assume you're embarressed about hairy toes. Shaving makes things itchy though - imagine wearing socks. *cringe*

baby_val | 0

#901694 - Sunday 28 February 2010 22:51

um yes it does?? uu can Shave and wax ur toes

angelkissezxox | 3

#902127 - Monday 1 March 2010 1:31

hahahaha!!

haiden108 | 0

#1549323 - Friday 15 October 2010 3:12

hahaha . funny shit

By sum1savemeh | 0

#900597 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

I think you might need to shave

daniel1_1 | 13

#900828 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:05

no duh

buckmaster1984 | 0

#903102 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:53

gross!

By JackDark | 0

#900600 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:06

Shave them, jesus.

Pluck whatever. If you're a man fine, but a woman should not have toe hairs.

Scratch, NOONE SHOULD HAVE TOEHAIRS.

TehFuzzyOne: I'm pretty sure it was the THIRD.

TehFuzzyOne | 0

#900607 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:07

You mean the FOURTH???

Disco_fml | 0

#900664 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:16

The OP is French, of course she has toe hair.

riku3220 | 2

#900847 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:12

Look at your feet right now. You all have toe hair.

epoh_fml | 0

#901052 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:33

I have toe hair.

there's just not an obscene amount of it to
make me think there's bugs crawling on my feet :)

By omgitsalex62 | 0

#900629 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

that is just gross

facingforeverr | 0

#901449 - Sunday 28 February 2010 20:50

yea but what person in america have youever heard call somone their mate? because personally i have yet to hear someone call their griends their mates

repyourcliche | 0

#901590 - Sunday 28 February 2010 21:55

i understood none of that, were you even speaking english? :)

By PottheadSam | 0

#900630 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:10

he has mates? you allow him to mate with other people? your life is fk,ed

ps. I know it's Aussie talk, just don't get why they say it lol

stephissilly | 18

#3842316 - Saturday 7 January 2012 2:24

mates means friends.. 'me and my mates'

By tomahawkinyouall | 0

#900640 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:11

haha ydi because this isn't even fml worthy big dummy

duke10861 | 0

#900964 - Sunday 28 February 2010 17:54

word

By Zills | 0

#900646 - Sunday 28 February 2010 16:12

Whatever pluck them it's not like he'll notice right now away anyways. Not a big deal I don't see the issue here. Your life is not fucked and you don't deserve it either. It's a who the fuck gives a shit.